Doesn't it just figure...

“BTW: Before anyone starts in on the "GOD" issue... this thread is only meant in jest! So please refrain from trying to make something out of this, that it isn't.

I just thought we could all have a nice giggle from something a friend of mine sent me today!
:-)





It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the United States.

The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain
and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you
to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the
earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.

Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything
aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the
seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his
front yard weeping.

"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big
problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did
not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the
plans.

Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire
sprinkler system and floatation devices.

Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city
planning commission.

I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on
cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S.
Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish
and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.

I had to negotiate a settlemen! t with the National Labor Union. Now I have
16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights
group.

They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not
complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your
proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood
plain. I sent them a globe.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not
taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country to! avoid paying taxes.

I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and
failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft."

Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further
construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is
a religious event, therefore unconstitutional.

I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah
wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm.
A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.

"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."


Giggle away!!!! :-)”

“That is really clever, Wesles! Very refreshing. Thanks for sharing it...”

“Wow, in the town I live in, with all the crap that's going in in zoning, EPA, building codes etc, I'd love to run this in the paper











(and get lynched!!! LOL!)”

“It's 'tongue-in-cheek' all the way, Lizs. Or are the readers that conservative that they may not see it that way?”

“Nice one, wes.

Damn lawyers.”

“LMAO! Good one....”

“I'm the reporter/editor/columnist in a town where a guy wants to build a plant that burns tires to produce electricity. A group of environmentlists has filed suit against the Minnesota Pollution Control Agency saying that an environmental impact statement is needed (as opposed to less stringent/costly environmental assessment worksheet done); the town is divided to the point where longtime friend no longer speak; the city council is divided to the point where they have four-hour meetings twice each month with big fights each time and hooting and hollering from the spectators... err, citizens attending; the guy wanting to build the plant has had his building permit turned down twice (OK, last time was a sneaky tie vote for no action.... and all this despite consulting attorney's advice to approve); the organic farmers are up in arms over potential pollution; the environmental group also is asking the EPA what classifies as "fossil fuel" (currently they say tires are not, so the case is being made, well, what of burning tires for fuel?); a moratorium on building in the town for six months was mentioned; the city is looked at implementing state building codes

........ oh yeah, I just heard last night the potential plant owner has now filed suit.

(FYI... the tires would burn on what is called a "fluidized boiler bed" or some such thing. Burns at very high heat. Everything supposedly burns, and it allows metal portions of tires to be recovered)

Anyway, the paper and I are getting crap from both sides of the issue. Many letters to editor, etc. And while I'd love to publish this little joke, I'm sure each side would accuse paper/me of being "against" them.

Anyhoo... I did send it to my boss and said, oh, what about publishing this?!??! lol”

“Worst that can happen is he says 'no', Lizs!”

“Worst that can happen is..... my Jeep gets dented or eggs thrown at it... I get anon. calls...

blah, blah

I can just this little joke pissing off both sides:

The environmentalists will say, SO, YOU DON'T WANT GOV. CONTROL ON POLLUTION, YA MORON??

The pro-plant, very business minded people will say: SO YA THINK OUR RULES ARE STUPID??

no win..... (which is not to say I might not run it! LOL)”

“You only live once, Lizs! lol”

“Just make sure they put the plant upwind of the peoples' houses who support it. They've probably never smelled a burning tire before....”

“Just remember that the wind blow west to east and I don't want that crap in my air here in Michigan. Keep us informed 'bout that pleaseeeeeeeeee!”

“Sorry to hear about your conflict, lizs....

Personally, I like the "I sent them a globe."... part! roflmao!”

“Okay --- we'll skip the Religious argument and have a Political one instead, <GRIN>”

“Glad that you all are getting SOME kind of out of this!

:D”

“Down Tilt! Down! You pot stirrer.”

“K... that was supposed to read... "SOME kind of GRIN out of this"....”

“For Sure, <G>”

“Good stuff, Wes!”