I hate Turkeys

“Damn, Nigal, that sucks. You could fake breaking your leg or something.”

“I think if you packed in a premade gramm cracker crust and then filled it with Enertia cheese cake that'd be pretty killer. One of these winter trips I'm gonna pack in ice cream.”

““Damn, Nigal, that sucks. You could fake breaking your leg or something.”

No damn it, I did that LAST year. I'm gonna have to barf up an internal organ to get out of it this year.”

“No prob. Go the the slaughterhouse and buy a whole cow's liver, or lung. Drop it in the toilet, and leave the house. Guaranteed good times!
last edited: 11/23/04 9:06:12 AM”

“Barf up you appendix its not used for much anyway.”

“Yeah, Nigal but the precrumbled crackers would be easier to pack, I use them on pudding all the time. (hint, chocolate pudding made with a little kahlua topped with the oreo crumbs, mmmmm)

but about that turkey.....what about the stuffing! I like sausage amd date”

“Yeah you are right besides, once you cut the pie and passed it out it's just going to be all mixed up together.

I like the good old fashioned cornbread stuffing.”

“I can make the hell out of some cornbread stuffing.”

“my parents always make oyster stuffing. i like oysters normally, but that stuff just ain't right!

hey, know what's faster than baking the pumpkin? steaming it! it only takes like 10 minutes.”

“We're just having a turkey breast, but we'll have all the other stuff--pie, too!


And who could forget the Les Nessman Turkey Drop fiasco on WKRP!


It seems they have a Memorial to the event...http://www.balloonlife.com/publications/balloon_life/9801/9901/nessman.htm”

“Lyra --

I would love a piece of your pie!!


I would be happy to lend my digital thermometer too!!!!!


boy . ..that would be something to be thankful for!



Merry thanksgiving.”

“"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."”

“lyra,
But do you have to peel it? I tried that one year. Man I'd rather just cut, scoop and stick in the oven. The pulp comes right out.”

“There's an out-of-context quote in there somewhere...”

“The greatest WKRP moment...

[wack! wack!]"Help me Andy! I've got a monkey on my foot!"[wack! wack!]”

“wow, i thought Sass was the biggest sicko on this thread, but you really have her beat, Lee!

no, you don't have to peel it first! all you do is cut it into a few pieces, put them into a metal basket that fits inside a bigger pot that has an inch or two of water in it, and boil the water under the pumpkin for like 10 minutes. that makes it soft enough to slide the skin right off!”

“cool, thanks lyra”

“sure thing!”

“GOOD EATS!!!
I like that show too, and I can barely boil water.”

“Lyra --

let me be the first to apologize for my previous post, layered as it was in innuendo and whatnot.


There is no need for you to apologize for setting me up with your prior discussion about your pie.

I take some of the responsibility for my actions myself.


I want you to know I am truly contrite, and ashamed.



And I just wanna know . . .


Do you serve your pie with whipped cream?????”

“I want Rachell Ray to have my bassturd child!”

“Ths seems like as good a time as any to post the following:

Things You CAN Get Away with Saying At Thanksgiving :

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip Time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle 13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
19. How long do I beat it before it's ready?”

“you are a giant goober, lee! :-D”

“I'm having an all natural thanksgiving:

http://www.tofurky.com/”

“I will close my eyes and when I open them up, all birds will be gone.










NO NO NO I HATE THEM SOOO MUCH.”

“Tofurky Ingredients: water, vital wheat gluten, organic tofu (water, organic soybeans, magnesium chloride, calcium chloride), white beans, garbanzo beans, non genetically engineered corn starch, natural vegetarian flavor, expeller pressed non genetically engineered canola oil, shoyu soy sauce (water, non genetically engineered soy beans, wheat, salt, culture), spices, lemon juice, calcium lactate from beets.


WOW! You can get Tofurky giblet gravey packets with that, too!”

“I watched a show on how tofurky is made. It's not pretty.”

“I watched a show on how tofurky is made. It's not pretty.”
Sassafras
12:34:59 PM
11/23/04

As oppossed to factory slaughter?”

“I know, it's so painful to watch those innocent soybeans and garbanzos ground up just so cruel and uncaring vegetarians can continue to have Thanksgiving dinner.”

“A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
>
>
> Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and
kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
>
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
>
> John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, then the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
>
>”

“CD - Very funny!

Mapes - You and this love/hate thing you have for turkeys! Oh my!”

“I'm going to help you out Nigal.

Here's a long-range plan to get out of Thanksgiving for all time.

Go to the park and get Ohio Hiker off the park bench. Take him to Thanksgiving dinner as your special guest. You'll be asked to leave and NEVER come back, NOT EVER! NEVER!”

“Guess who dropped in for Thanksgiving at the Cobbs' house in Bloomington?
A wild turkey, busting through the dining-room picture window.

"It's terrible. My house is a disaster!" Sandy Cobbs said Friday, amid window glass littered on a bloody carpet in her dining room. "Everybody thinks it's funny, but it's not. I just couldn't believe it was Thanksgiving and there was a live turkey in my house."

Once might be funny, she said, but this was her second holiday feathered fiasco.

The first turkey attack came on Christmas Day 2004, confirmed Bloomington police Sgt. Mike Roepke. Sandy and Bill Cobbs were at their daughter's home that day and the neighbors called after seeing a hole in the same dining room window about 16 feet above the ground.

On Thursday, Sandy was in her kitchen preparing sweet potatoes and vegetables to bring to her sister's when she heard a thunderous crash.

"At first I thought my buffet fell over. It was so loud and kept crashing," she said. "I went in there and said, 'Not again. Not again.' He was huge -- two or three feet tall." It looked like the big bird had landed on her now scratched-up glass dining-room table and flopped to the floor.

Her husband was out walking their two little dogs, and Sandy went looking for him.

"I ran out the door. I grabbed the car and started driving to find my husband. I found him and jumped out and said, 'I'll take the dogs. You go home. There's a turkey in the house.' "

Bill called the police on his cell phone as he drove. When he tried to hustle the feathered intruder back to nature, it ricocheted off some back-wall windows and then retreated to a big pot of orchids until police arrived. Several officers gradually herded the bloody bird out the open deck doors.

The Cobbs live near the Hyland Hills ski area and see wild turkeys strut by nearly every day. Sandy speculated that the turkeys were attracted by the reflection of trees in the window.

The last time around, the officers had to kill the turkey, Roepke said.

That turkey mishap cost the Cobbs' insurance company nearly $10,000 to make repairs and replace carpeting, windows and curtains, Sandy Cobbs said.

"My insurance company doesn't think it's funny," she said. "I don't know if I can turn in another claim."

The turkey-tale moral? She said she had none, "except that on the holidays, I am leaving town."

http://www.startribune.com/462/story/833660.html”

“poor poor turkeys!!!


eat veggies this year”

“Don't tell me another one dropped out of the sky ...”

“"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!!!"”

“My vegetarian wife decided to cook a turkey this year so the relatives would come--don't trip over my gist there.”

“lol hyway”

“Les Nessman?”

“funniest show ever”

“'Les' did the live play-by-play of the bouncing butterballs, but it was 'Arthur Carlson' (Gordon Jump) who delivered the classic line.”

“gobble gobble”

“
BOOGER.

”

“

TRAVERSE CITY -- Chuck Ritter is talking a lot of turkey after a 25-pound wild Tom crashed through his third-story bedroom window.

Ritter, 83, was relaxing Saturday inside his Fitzhugh Drive apartment in Traverse City when he heard a loud bang. Then thrashing.

"I had no idea," he said. "I thought it was next-door."

He jolted up from his living room perch, opened his bedroom door and discovered a large turkey careening about the carpeted room. Ritter called for reinforcements. He tried Grand Traverse County Animal Control, but he said he was met with a recorded message indicating it did not help with wild animals.

On-call maintenance worker Joe Battaglia received word about 11:30 a.m. and arrived to find the turkey still flapping around the bedroom. Battaglia had never responded to a call like this.

"Turkeys -- you don't see them jetting across the sky," he said.

Battaglia and Ritter went to work. One grabbed a fishing pole, the other a yellow broomstick. The two tried to poke and prod the turkey toward the window. Finally, after about half an hour of wrestling, Ritter cornered the bird, grabbed it by the neck and threw it out the window.

"He just fell on his back," Ritter said.

Afterwards, the bedroom looked like a TV show crime scene. Blood smeared the white walls. Tufts of dark feathers and shards of glass covered the floor and scattered under the pillows. The turkey, on its ill-fated flight, smashed two glass panes and bent the window frame.

http://www.record-eagle.com/local/local_story_343094605.html
last edited: 12/11/07 5:44:57 PM”

“from the looks of all that gold that turkey never had a chance....the A-Team wins again.”

“He chucked it out the window.”

“a true Preppard move.”

“Peppard?”

“yea..him too...lol”