IHadToTakeADumpBut DID NOT HaveAnyToilet Paper

“While hiking away from my van I checked to see if I had a baggie with TP on me, but I didn't. So I just shrugged it off thinking I won't need it anyways...boy was I wrong. I always carry the stuff but never use it...so this is what I get!

I used what I could, a few sticks that is, and I think I got splinters. The fact that there was 8-10" of snow on the ground didn't help the fact of finding anything substantially wipeable.

Anywho, to make a long story short... Did you know you can go about 2hrs before you get a really bugging itch???”

“You could always try what a dog does. Just drag your hindquarters along in the snow untill no brown streaks remain. ;)”

“Eww!





TMI.





'Nuff said.”

“....or you could use snowballs!

The snow will look like hell but it will give the little forest creatures something to talk about.”

“A nice handful of snow does the job too. Then again, ya did have the dog along too...”

“Lickety split?”

“Hey! Great minds think alike!”

“I'd go for draggin' my ass throught the snow.

Its very refreshing!”

“thanks for sharing, Buddur!
LMAO

o(=D”

“Buddur really is a prince!”

“Budder if I didn’t know what an outstanding hiker you were and thought you were normal I’d say you were a “regular” hiker.”

“I especially like the splinters!

Gettin' enough fiber in your diet?”

“I just showed this thread to my brother and he laughed. :-)”

“Lesson learned.”

“hope none of the sticks were from a certain fuzzy vine”

“How about a hoary frost?”

“Buddur,

You (or real Buddur) always seem to be in some predicament. Noone could ever say you are boring.

running girl”

“use ur dog's tail”

“I like that!”

“If you were Iraqi, you would have used your left hand...that is why they never shake hands with their left hand. Honest to God. It's true.”

“Dang thread titles like this are usually just a catchy way to draw people in. This #&%!$'s for real.”

“I have heard that a spruce of fir branch is useful to tweezle the crack and of course there is the old standby of pine cones (white pine obviously - table mtn or pitch pine would be too much)”

“Anybody know how to get skidmarks off of white Campilene BVDs?”

“OMG! Dude, call your Mom!

ps - try a spritz or two of Shout.”

“Oh dear lord”

“Buddur, cut your losses and burn the things.”

“Buddur, bleach em.”

“Don't you wear skivies? Tear your undies into strips and after you clean up just go commando. You can easiy get two turds worth of wiping material with one pair of boxers.”

“Blech! What a way to treat capilene!

Yeah, I think that if I was in the situation, I would sacrifice a piece of clothing that I was least fond of. Don't you hike with bandanas? I thought that was one of the 11 essentials?

My husband and I watched "Castaway" this weekend. I was fascinated. I told my husband that from now on I wasn't getting on a plane without zipper pockets with all the essentials. He of course burst that bubble by reminding me that a lot of that stuff would cause me to spend hours explaining to the authorities why I tried to bring a pocketknife and flint onto a plane. But seriously, I think the real difficulty for me in a lost situation would be psychological. A lack of a balanced diet and no one to talk to and I would be loonier than Shirley McClane.”

“I cut my pack towel into strips on the last day of the end of one mult day trip when my TP was running very low and my digestive system was running high.
I washed the dishes after I got home. ;)”

“I read that much of the world doesn't use toilet paper since it either isn't available or they can't afford it.”

“did you get any pictures?”

“"Did you know you can go about 2hrs before you get a really bugging itch???"


Oh no!

Not the dreaded ”

“"did you get any pictures?"
baume 66
08:43:24 PM

I pray you didn't get any pictures! ;)”

“oh man... i am seeing you in a different light now. LMAO”

“LMAO...good thread.”

“There's always a Nalgene bottle.”

“Wide mouth, of course.”

“ew”

“Nanook Rubs It Lyrics
Well right about that time, people,
A fur trapper
Who was strictly from commercial
(Strictly
Commershil)
Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo
(Peek-a-Boo
Woo-ooo-ooo)
And he started in to whippin' on my fav'rite baby seal
With a lead-filled snow
shoe . . .
I said:
With a lead
LEAD
Filled
LEAD-FILLED
A lead-filled snow shoe
SNOW SHOE
He
said Peak-a-boo
PEEK-A-BOO
With a lead
LEAD
Filled
LEAD-FILLED
With a lead-filled
snow shoe
SNOW SHOE
He said Peak-a-boo.
PEEK-A-BOO
He went right up side the head of my
favourite baby seal
He went WHAP!
With a lead-filled snow shoe
An' he hit him on the nose
'n he hit him on fin 'n he . . .
That got me just about as evil
As an Eskimo boy can be . . . so I bent
down 'n I reached down 'n I scooped down
An' I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly
. . .
YELLOW SNOW
The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go
Whereupon
I proceeded to take that mitten full
Of the deadly Yellow Snow Crystals
And rub it all into
his beady little eyes
With a vigorous circular motion
Hitherto unknown to the people on
this area,
But destined to take the place of THE MUD SHARK
In your mythology
Here it goes
now . . .
THE CIRCULAR MOTION . . . (rub it) . . .
(Here Fido . . . Here Fido)
And then, in a fit of
anger, I . . .
I pounced
And I pounced again
GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY
I jumped up 'n down the chest
of the . . .
I injured the fur trapper
Well, he was very upset, as you can understand
And rightly
so
Because
The deadly Yellow Snow Crystals
Had deprived him of his sight
And he stood up
And
he looked around
And he said:
I CAN'T SEE
(DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!)
I CAN'T SEE
(DO
. . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!)
OH WOE IS ME
(DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!)
I CAN'T SEE
(DO
. . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . WELL!)
NO NO
I CAN'T SEE
NO . . . I . . .
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An'
stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my other eye
An' the
huskie wee-wee,
I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded me
An' I can't see
Temporarily
Well
the fur trapper
Stood there
With his arms outstretched
Across the frozen white wasteland
Trying
to figure out what he's gonna do
About his deflicted eyes
And it was at that precise moment
that he remembered
An ancient Eskimo legend
Wherein it is written
On whatever it is that
they write it on up there
That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As a result of some
sort of conflict
With anyone named Nanook
The only way you can get it fixed up
Is to go trudgin'
across the tundra . . .
Mile after mile
Trudgin' across the tundra . . .
Right down to the parish
of Saint Alfonzo . . .




"Nanook Rubs It Lyrics" of Apostrophe Album by Frank Zappa”

“Wolfeyecicles.... now that's just gross. Why ruin a perfectly good piece of equipment? That's just plain nasty!

I'm just glad that I'M never caught in a situation like that! Never was a "scout" of any kind, but I AM "always prepared!"”

“The art of taking a good Paki-#&%!$ is difficult to master after spending most of your life wiping w/tp.

Depending on the contents constitution it should be relative easy to do doo-doo w/out any tp. We all spend a fair amount of time 'thinking' while on the turdlet. Something to think about next time you're 'thinking' ,,, to pinch or not to pinch? That is the question you will need to disipher yourself. Let it flow, maaaaaan!

Does it make you jealous when you walk into a public stall to do some 'thinking' only to be greeted by some miraculous paperless 10" turd nestled soundly at the bottom of the turdlet?

I know I do. Rat basturds.”

“this is the $h1ttiest thread in history!”

“Whats the big deal? I NEVER have and never will need to take TP along. Its a waste. Use leaves, stones, sticks cones and snow to do the job. Its all natural and wont be dug up by animals. :)”

“If you would have been close to the beach you could have used 3 sea shells like on Demolision Man.”

“cool trip report buddur”

“A cool trip report.... FOR ME TO POOP ON!”

“I feel like I need to wash my hands after reading the rest of this thread.”

“Snow works quite well, but you have to apply repeatedly. Sometimes you still get THE itch and then you stop and wipe with snow again. The paktowel and snow work well, too.”

“"Bacon Ring of Fire," ROTFLMAO!!!!!

i heart TP.”