open letter to santa

“Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I'm writing you today,the 26th of december.Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occured since the beginning of the month when,filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.I asked for a bicycle,an electric train set,a pair of roller blades,and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year.Not only was I the first in my class,but I had the best grades in the whole school.I'm not going to lie to you,there was no one in the entire neighborhood that behaved better than me,with my parents,my brothers ,my friends,and with my neighbors. I would go on errands,and even help the elderly cross the tsreet. There wsa virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What balls you have leaving me a phucking yoyo, a lame whistle and a pair of ugly socks.What the phuck were you thinking,you fat prick,that you've taken me for a sucker the whole phucking year to come out with some #&%!$tt like this under the tree. As if you hadnt phucked me enough,you gave that little girl across the street so many toys she cant even walk into her house. Dont let me see you trying to fit your big fat @ss down my chimney next year. I will phuck you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you will have to walk back to the phucking north pole,just like what I have to o know since you didnt get me that phucking bike. PHUCK YOU SANTA! Next year you'll find out haow bad I can be you FAT C@CKSUCKER!

Sincerely,
Little Johnny”

“LOL!
That reminds me of the Kinks' "Father Christmas"

When I was small I believed in santa claus
Though I knew it was my dad
And I would hang up my stocking at christmas
Open my presents and I’d be glad

But the last time I played father christmas
I stood outside a department store
A gang of kids came over and mugged me
And knocked my reindeer to the floor

They said:
Father christmas, give us some money
Don’t mess around with those silly toys.
We’ll beat you up if you don’t hand it over
We want your bread so don’t make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys

Don’t give my brother a steve austin outfit
Don’t give my sister a cuddly toy
We don’t want a jigsaw or monopoly money
We only want the real mccoy

Father christmas, give us some money
We’ll beat you up if you make us annoyed
Father christmas, give us some money
Don’t mess around with those silly toys

But give my daddy a job ’cause he needs one
He’s got lots of mouths to feed
But if you’ve got one, I’ll have a machine gun
So I can scare all the kids down the street

Father christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
We’ll beat you up if you don’t hand it over
Give all the toys to the little rich boys

Have yourself a merry merry christmas
Have yourself a good time
But remember the kids who got nothin’
While you’re drinkin’ down your wine

Father christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
We’ll beat you up if you don’t hand it over
We want your bread, so don’t make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys”

“Little Johnny is a fresh little boy.”

“AWSOME tune Ped! BTW - sorry I missed the rerun, I was lookin' forward to it!”