Savage Gulf Witch Trials

“The honorable judge Phaedrus presiding.

Please be seated.

Docket TT101:

People of Savage Gulf TT hike Versus Lizs, Et Al.

The charges are stirring the crap in the first degree, passive aggression, and failure to yield the high ground to people actually on the hike.

Councelor Chili36 will be defending, and Father Goose will be representing the people.

Lizs, How do you plead?”

“LMAO, Phaedrus. This whole scenario did enter my mind this morning, Phaedrus. Kudos to you for posting it with wit. LOL!”

“And it's the first hearty laugh I've had all day. :-)”

“Dub, Angry Mob Leader: She's guilty as sin! Let's hang the witch! No no, let's burn her! Burn her at the stake, complete with her pink thingy!”

“Not guilty! And leave the pink thingy out of this!!”

“Lizs Laughs, mocking the court.

I will take that as a plea of not guilty, but I should warn you that another outburst like that, and I will have you bound and... err... what was I saying.

Bailiff! Remove that dub from the back or stuff a sock in his mouth!

The court awaits opening statements from the prosecution.”

“I saw Lizs at Savage Gulf on the weekend in question. She was drunker than a bicycle and snorting crack through a garden hose. When the Ranger showed up she tried to use the Jedi Mind Trick by saying "You don't need to see my God Damn permit". Then she spit on him.”

“"Burn her burn her", burn the witch! (and her pink thingy which obviously only witches have!)”

“Order ORDER!!!

It seems that Father Goose is not ready with his opening statement, so I'll call a recess. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.”

“Witnesses for the state will kindly refrain from making their remarks until called upon by the persecution...err, prosecution. I gotta eat first...”

“Angry Mob Discussion: Should we storm the court and hang the witch ourself?
We must have justice, the witch must be burned!
And don't forget her pink thingy!
Yes, the pink thingy is surely the sign of a witch!
[lights torches]”

“Burn ibtch burn! LOL MOHAAAAAAAAA! TT satire Lives....... VIVA THE DIAZ!”

“I have a feeling chili would end up on the side of the prosecution.”

“If he recuses himself I'll have him disbarred and flogged.”

“Can I sit in the back and watch?”

“The defendant is clueless and clearly guilty as hell.

The jury is well-hung.

The prosecution rests, Your Honor.”

“Well shyt...I just sat down.”

“Burn the witch! BURN THE WITCH!!!!”

“Opening statement from the defense? None? Very well.

Call your first witness, FG.

(bailiff, if Lizs does anything at all, tie her up and... dim the lights a little)”

“Since I'm pretty sure I'm part of the "et al" on the docket, can I be burned first? It's supposed to be minus 35-45 again tonight and I'd welcome the heat.

o(=D”

“Uhhh, Your Honor??? We're ready for the sentencing phase...”

“Father goose, where did you go to law school, Georgia State?

You know we can't sentence her until the Jury comes back from lunch.”

“State pen...”

“ah, geezzzz.....”

“well, what the hell is the jury eating, or did they retire to Hooters and start with the pitchers?”

“It's hard to find good jurors these days.”

“well these jurors must be good...FG said they were "well-hung" didn't he?”

“He says that about everyone.”

“Not you...”

“And since I was sitting there in the back, too, I pass out from the fumes.”

“LOL Artex! My annual Trout Brook Farm trip is with a female version of you - she blasts a nasty one, then looks around all innocent like. We're currently searching the 'net for underpants with a carbon filter.”

“"he let's a very loud fart rip as the door is closing behind him......."

ODOR IN THE COURT!!!”

“recess!”

“i have been summoned.”

“Well, we still haven't heard from the defense...

Screw it.

Have you reached a verdict?”

“This woman right. She will not be burned. Becarefull she is one of best clients. I will offer a subsitute if needed.”

“WAIT! STOP!! Don't burn her, she's got nice, um ,,, wrists.”

“yes your honor.”

“we, the members of the jury, agree with the prosecution......we are well hung.”

“How say you?”

“I'm ordering you to return to your deliberations until such time as you come to a concensus.

The girl in the back keeps making the "leetle weenie" sign.”

“

You can't handle the truth!!!

Guilty! Put her in the pokey and then poker 'er in the putty!”

“I'd still like to know who "henpecked" is.....

That writing style look familar.”

“after further deliberation we would add that the girl in the back needs to face the same fate as the accussed. there is no doubt on our previous verdict.”

“Very well. declare a mistrial, due to disagreement over whether the jury is hung, and a lack of sufficient evidence on both sides.

Bailiff, arm Lizs, and set her free pending further prosecution.

Will the murderous mob, please approach the bench and take a cookie. One each. Chew slowly.

I will file a complaint against the defendant's council, asking the state bar to review whether allowing her to come to court dressed like that is a violation of client/attorney privelege.

My Jury Foreman, you are instructed to go home and never serve on a jury again so long as I live. The pictures I've had to look at will give me nightmares until I'm 80.

Prosecution witness Walkindude, you are hereby ordered to get drunk. We'll have no more of your preachiness in this state.

Finally, prosecutor Father Goose is instructed to attend an anger management class until such time as he can read but not respond to a post that might be related to his inability to plan a backpacking trip.

ALL RISE...”

“I knew the jury would see it that way. My chick was not guilty. Now it is time for me to get back to the henhouse.”

“Damn, I don't even drink.”