NEW WORDS FOR 2004

“Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary:


BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message
"404 Not Found," meaning that the equested document could not be located.

GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions..

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust.”

“I have lived through several ohnoseconds in my life.”

“I've had several ohnoseconds, too. Luckily, none of them have happened in extremely dangerous situations such as rock climbing. I can mostly attribute my ohnoseconds to be computer related.”

“Thousands of ohnoseconds occur in Vegas each year.”

“DINKS=Double Income No Kids”

“I think I'll get up and do a little crop dusting.”

“ASSMOSIS We had a guy that was the king of assmosis where I used to work. We called him the "big assmaster" as he could stick his head so far up the bosses butt you couldn't tell where he ended and the other began!”

“Definition #1(a variation of the 'Seagull Manager'):

A temporary staffer who flies in, makes a lot of noise, consumes all the valuables, spreads craps on everything, and then flys away and leaves you to clean up the mess.


DEfinition #2: Some who can make the simple seem very complex, and charge you an fee directly proportional to that complexity to make it simple again.”

“SNOW DAY: something I better have today.”

“Goonygoogoo.”