I know what Women want!

“Someone told me that chick do it...”

“chicks”

“The quickest way to a man's heart is through the chest.

May a scorned woman's bullet never reach your heart.”

“its not my heart I'm worried about, its bursting into flames from "the look"!”

“I say (to the guy) YOU give first!

The quickest way to a man's heart is a 9mm! Just joking!”

“9mm is pretty light weight - if you are going to use that you might as well use a .22 - not a whole lot of difference in effectiveness - they both will piss him off.”

“If a women points a gun at me, I'll respond with: "Gee, your butt looks big in those pants/shorts/dress/. The distraction would be enough to turn the tables!”

“Then she'll make it a head shot! The one you think with bearmagnet!”

“No more coffee for you! Any of you.”

“I'm on a hot chocolate high! It's going to get down to 36 F tonight!”

“Hey there Tango! That's dirty pool. Too much coffee? I'm still at work!”

“LOL!”

“NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN - Starting this month!

OPEN TO MEN ONLY!

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty
of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

Topic 1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step
with slide presentation.

Topic 2. Toilet paper rolls: do they grow on the
holders? Round-table discussion.

Topic 3. Differences between the laundry basket and
the floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.

Topic 4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can
they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink? Examples on video.

Topic 5. Loss of identity: losing the remote to your
significant other. Help line and support groups.

Topic 6. Learning how to find things, starting with
looking in the eight place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.

Topic 7. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not
harmful to your health. Graphics and audiotape.

Topic 8. Real men ask for directions when lost.
Real-life testimonials.

Topic 9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly
as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.

Topic 10. Learning to live: basic differences between
mother and wife. Online class and role-playing.

Topic 11. How to be the ideal shopping companion.
Relaxation exercises,meditation and breathing techniques.

Topic 12. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering
birthdays,anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.
Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be
issued.

Register now!Contact your nearest Society of Typical Men (STM)


EVENING CLASSES FOR WOMEN.
Training courses are now available for women on the
following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has
Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait
Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the
Bathroom Cabinet Too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort,
not the First

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want
Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking (?)

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II! : Bran and Tofu are Not for Human
Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on
Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural occurrence
Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only”

“catshiker -

Q: How many chauvanists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. The b**** can cook in the dark!”

“yow.”

“Another course for women:

Don't Panic: how to lower the toilet seat.”

“Do you ever use the toilet with the seat down bearmagnet? Then consequently the seat is in use in the lowered position the majority of the time since females use it in that position all the time. Leave it in the position that it is used the majority of the time!”

“In my apt. the seat needs to be up, most of the time. I drink a lot of coffee. I would appreciate it if women look before sitting. You do look were you're going everywhere else, don't you?

And if the seat is down when I need it to be up, I don't throw some kind of hissy fit about it.”

“If it's not my toilet seat, then I respect that persons wishes and put it where I found it. Why is this so hard for women?”

“Obivously you don't know what women want. A woman wants a man who is responsible for the actions HE takes and not blame it on someone else.Also a woman wants a man who will come onto them without any encouragment on their(woman's) part.We want men who will take the lead...REALLY...”

“hmm, I don't throw a hissy fit about it. Sht...I have 3 males in my home, they alwasy forget the toilette seat. I got used to it.

I forget my wedding aniversary all the time.

I have a 9mm in my desk

I hike

I want gear as presents instead of parfum or jewelery.

I drive a sports car

I like computers, at least most of the time.

I have a job.

I don't like shopping the mall too much. (I am not saying I hate it either though)

I dont mind getting dirty.

I can walpaper, paint, saw, dig...

I have high heals in my closet.

I like to wear skirts and dresses

I like to wear jeans

Do I get a couple of plus points??”

“What haven't I taken responsibility for? You want men coming on to you with no encouragement? I could take you to a few clubs where you wish you had pepper spray - might change your mind on that!”

“lol candyhearts. I don' want a to man that takes the lead ALL the time, but I want him to take the lead when I am weak. (and yes, we have the right to be weak once in a while)

But that's just me. I like to have the pants on in my family. at least once in a while.”

“I think a man has the right to keep the toilet sent UP as much as a woman thinks it should be put back down..So there.”

“Gem - can you drink Cuervo straight? No chasers?”

“candy - OK. Then you agree with me! :)”

“hmm, not sure what they are. but I can drink tequilla straight (no chasers)”

“I wish I had the chance to use pepper spray..Crap ..guys I know are so timid you wonder if they are breathing..”

“Gem - Wow! I think I'm in love! Could I get you to lose the 9mm?”

“lol. I know how to shoot it.... still want me to get rid of it??”

“Candy - come to DC. Just remeber: be careful what you wish for.”

“Gem..is a bad DUDE..bearmagnet”

“lmao@candyhearts

yeah a bad dude in skirt and high heals.”

“Yes, lose it! I bet I've dated some women who have wished they had a gun! :)”

“DC uh??? Long way from me dear..”

“Gem is a dude? I don't think so?”

“candy - well if you don't like timid boys move to a city, any city.”

“Gem, I could the subject of your list too, except I love to cook, I LOVE Hockey, and love football. I sleep with my weapon!”

“lol Tango. Even better!!
I have to admit I am not too crazy about cooking, BUT I can cook!!

I don't sleep with my weapon because I have kids.

and ohhh...big zero points for me: no sports for me, sorry :(

Tango!! Winner!!”

“Gem is a beautiful..NOT dude..person..you should be so lucky if you ever get to meet her..but my guess is that you already have bearmagnet.

Bearmagnet ..do you city boys know how to climax a woman without sex..I mean only just talking to her..EEHH???”

“No No not a competion, sistah!”

“Bearmagnet HAS LEFT THE BUILDING...lol”

“lol he couldn't take it anymore. I am going to bed too. nite nite :)”

“I'm back. yes I can get a woman off with talking.....love phone sex! :)”

“wow, you guys sure had fun yesterday! LOL!! we had the toilet seat discussion on some other thread, but i can't remember which one.”

“So where the heck were you? The "other side" of the toilet seat needed help!”

“i was "out sick" yesterday, moo haa haa!

what side am i supposed to be on? last time we had the argument, i said i didn't care, because my life is mostly a waste anyway, so that one extra second it takes to put the seat down won't make that much of a difference. LOL! of course, it's easy for me to say that when my slave, i mean BF, almost always puts it down.”

“Hungover again lyra?”

“nah, i thought that since i was one of only two people to come in on Mon. & Tues. that i deserved a day off. hee hee! i went sledding, SO THERE.”

“Your suppossed to be on the right side - mine. People have a hard time riding metro to your office? I drove in that crap!”