Cute Jokes......

“1 - HER DIARY

Dear Diary,
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet
at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long,
so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made
no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go
somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and
absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it
was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and
not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply
smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why
he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost
him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there
and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go
to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and, to my surprise, he
responded to my caresses, and we made love, but I still felt that he was
distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could
not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but
he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell
asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are
with someone else. My life is a disaster.

-
-
-
--
-


2 - HIS DIARY

Today The Eagles lost, but at least I got laid.”

“Lol, us men are so simple. Never read too much into anything.”

“LMAO, sooooo true!”

“The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus.

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach...
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.
My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience.
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!”

“lmao!”

“A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
>> > > "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about
>> > > time we started cussing. "The 4 year old nods his head in
>> > > approval.
>> > >
>> > > The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for
>>breakfast,
>> > > I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something
>>with 'ass'.
>> > >
>> > > The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother
>>walks
>> > > into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for
>>breakfast,
>> > > he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
>>WHACK!
>> > > He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor,
>>gets up,
>> > > and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in
>>hot
>> > > pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks
>>him in
>> > > his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you
>>out!"
>> > >
>> > > She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and
>>asks
>> > > with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast,
>>young man?"
>>"I
>> > > don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it
>>won't
>> > > be Cheerios."
>> > >”

“A married couple in their early 60s were out
celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet,
romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet
beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For
being such an exemplary married couple and for being
faithful to each other for all this time, I will give
you each a wish." "Oh, I want to travel around the
world with my dearest husband!" said the wife. The
fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra! - Two
tickets for the QM2 luxury liner appeared in her
hands.
Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a
moment and said: "Well this is all very romantic - but
an opportunity like this only occurs once in a
lifetime...so... I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to
have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife - and
the fairy - were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a
wish... So the Fairy made a circle with her magic
stick and - abracadabra! - The husband became 92 years
old.

You see... Men might be jerks.... .

But fairies are......female!!”

“Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk..

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:

1. Specificity
2. Antidisestablishmentarianism
3. Loquacious
4. Transubstantiate

Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you
2. Nope, no more booze for me
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type
4. No kebab for me, thank you
5. Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. I'm not interested in fighting you
7. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination
8. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street
9. You're right; I can't jump over that table.
10. Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.”

“Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk..

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:

1. Specificity
2. Antidisestablishmentarianism
3. Loquacious
4. Transubstantiate

Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you
2. Nope, no more booze for me
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type
4. No kebab for me, thank you
5. Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. I'm not interested in fighting you
7. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination
8. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street
9. You're right; I can't jump over that table.
10. Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.”

“oops...sorry...& I'm not even drinking!!!!!”

“Suuuuuuuure.....”

“hey it is FRI and my weekend off..maybe I should be drinking...wooohooo”

“Have one for me!”

“An older, balding man entered the local pool hall, saw a friend, who was also bald, and hurried over to him. "Say," he said, "I heard a joke that I just have to tell you. It's so funny, it'll make your hair fall out." Looking up at his friend's bald head, he stopped and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I see you've already heard it!"



(Note: Be careful! Don't tell this one to a bald guy unless you are bald, too. Or else, be prepared to duck a punch.)

Cheerio”

“Divinity wins the award for the most double posts !!

;)”

“I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for
me...and as we near the end of another week, we all could use a little calm.
By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally
found inner peace. The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is
to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around the house
to see all the things I started and hadn't finished... and before
leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a
bottle of white wine, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Wild Turkey, the Prozac,
some valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates. You have no idea
how freakin' good I feel.... You must pass this on to those you feel
are in need of Inner Peace.”

“LMAO...hahahahahahahahahahah
GOOD one...at first I thought it was real...LOL...

Nuns at the baseball game

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game with their habits partially blocking the view, three men decided to badger the nuns.

In an effort to get them to move, one of the men said in a very loud voice,
"I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns there."

The second guy spoke up and said,
"I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns there."

The third guy spoke up and said,
"I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns there."

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet calm voice said
"Why don't you go to hell.....there aren't any nuns there."”

“A WOMAN WENT TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE WHERE SHE WAS
SEEN BY ONE OF THE YOUNGER DOCTORS. AFTER ABOUT 4
MINUTES IN THE EXAMINATION ROOM. SHE BURST OUT,
SCREAMING AS SHE RAN DOWN THE HALL, AN OLDER DOCTOR
STOPPED HER AND ASKED WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS AND SHE
TOLD HIM HER STORY. AFTER LISTENING, HE HAD HER SIT
DOWN AND RELAX IN ANOTHER ROOM.

THE OLDER DOCTOR MARCHED BACK DOWN THE HALLWAY TO
WHERE THE YOUNG DOCTOR WAS WRITING ON HIS CLIPBOARD.
"WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?" THE OLDER DOCTOR
DEMANDED. "MRS. TERRY IS 63 YEARS OLD, HAS FOUR
GROWN CHILDREN AND SEVEN GRANDCHILDREN AND YOU TOLD
HER SHE WAS PREGNANT?"

THE YOUNGER DOCTOR CONTINUED WRITING AND WITHOUT
LOOKING UP SAID, "DOES SHE STILL HAVE THE HICCUPS?"”

“The American Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discover.
It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benifit from receiving "chicken blood" rather than human blood.

It tends to make the men cocky ...and the women lay better. : )

a pretty funny joke when you work at a chicken processing plant!!!”

“A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway
when he notices a
sign out of the corner of his eye.....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and
drives on without a
second thought.....Soon he sees another sign, which
says:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are
for real....Then
he drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into
the drive...On
the side of the parking lot is a stone building with a
small sign next to
he door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell.... The door is
answered by a
nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do
for you, my son?"....He
answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was
interested in
possibly doing business."..... "Very well, my son.
Please follow me."

He is led through many winding passages and is soon
quite disoriented...
The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man,
Please knock on this door".............

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit,
holding a tin
cup answers the door.....This nun instructs, "Please
place $100 in the
cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end
of this hallway".......

He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the
second nuns cup.....
He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the
door, pulling it
shut behind him........

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in
the parking
lot, facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT,
YOU SINNER.”

“Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories
on how they died.

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad...after I quit shaking from the cold, I
began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about
you?

2nd. woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself watching TV in the den.

1st woman: so what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure that there was another woman there somewhere
that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and
then down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked
under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally exhausted and stressed, I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both still be
alive.”

“>Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the
>traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy
>and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to
>six a day. So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said,
>"You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast
>and killing all my chickens. I don't care what you do, just do something
>about those crazy drivers!"
>
>So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that
>said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
>
>Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to
>do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to
>make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county
>workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
>
>That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called
>every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs
>are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
>
>The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign. He was going to
>let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop
>calling everyday to complain.
>
>The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later,
>curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John
>a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
>"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've
>got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.
>
>The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd
>better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be
>something that WE could use to slow down drivers...
>
>"So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped
>the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:
>
>NUDIST COLONY... Go slow and watch out for the chicks!
>”

“An old farmer in Mississippi had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned and grumbled, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."”

“A passer-by noticed an old lady sitting on her front step: I couldn't help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret for such a long happy life?

I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day, she said. Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, spend 24 hours a day tormenting people on the
internet and eat only junk food. On weekends I pop a huge number of pills and do no exercise at all.

That is absolutely amazing at your age!!!!, says the passer-by. How old are you?

she repiled with a smile, Twenty four”

“Good one divinity !”

“The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said,"I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.”

“THE INHERITANCE
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Because he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower
> > father
>
> > died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
>
> >
>
> > Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his
> > breath
>
> > away.
>
> >
>
> > "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in
just a
>
> > week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars
> > and
>
> > would like to have someone to share it with."
>
> >
>
> > The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his
>
> > stepmother.
>”

“and with new incentive to live the sickly father lived on for another 37 years.”

“I guy comes home from making a condom run and tells his wife he got Olympic condoms. “What makes they Olympic condoms?”, she asks.

“Well they come in gold, silver and bronze.”, he explains.

“Which one are you wearing tonight?”

“The gold of course!”, says the husband.

“How about you wear the silver one. I’d be nice if you came in second for a change.””

“LOL!”

“If she ever asks him to wear the bronze, he better look out.”

“An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him. One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?" Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."

"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him." God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!" Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"”

“Okay, this is a joke from my friend that tends to send me old jokes, but yet I persist and post them here.

There were two men from India that moved to the U.S. The men made a pack with each other that they would see who was more American in two years.

Two years had passed and the friends met each other again. One friend said, "I'm more American. I went to a baseball game, and I ate a hot dog."

The other friend says, "towelhead".”

“One of Bitpushers threads reminded me of this joke.

A couple finally has a baby after several years of trying.But the baby was born with a terrible defect,it was born with only a head.No torso,no arms,legs or anything.Determind to give the baby a normal childhood the dad decides to take little junior down to his favorite bar ,pass out cigars and show off the new arrival like any other proud dad would.Dad and his buddies are sitting around celebrating and drinking and somebody says why not give the kid a sip of your beer ,hes gonna miss out on alot of things in life but at least hell have lived a little.So dad says why not ,he sets junior up on the bar and gives him a sip of his beer.All the sudden junior starts shaking and right before their eyes a body pops out of little juniors head.Well dad and his drinking buddies just couldnt beleive their bloodshot eyes,and soon they starting thinking,hey if one sip of beer grew the kid a body ,it sure wouldnt hurt to give him another sip.So dad gives him another shot of beer and sure enough out pops two arms.Another sip and out pops two legs.dad is so happy he could bust!! Little juniors gonna lead a normal life after all!! And he gives junior one more sip of beer just to celebrate the miracle.As soon as junior takes a sip of the beer he again starts shaking and then just drops stone dead!! Everybody in the bar is stunned!! And the bar tender just leans across the bar and says"poor kid,shoulda quit while he was still a-head".”

“grrroooaaannn!”

“LOL! That's great!”

“A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
>
>Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men.
>
>In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you
>think I should do?"
>
>"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down.
>
>Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"”

“Except i think she was married with 3 kids!!”

“One of my ex-employee married a woman with 4 kids.....all with different fathers...eeek. :o0”

“A guy goes into the doctors and he's pacing and yelling, "Doc ya gotta help me! I think I'm a teepee. I think I'm a wigwam! I think I'm a teepee! I think I'm a wigwam!".

The doctor tells him, "Calm down! You're two tents.".”

“Oh Nigal, how could you, lol! That joke is older than me, but I still find it to be funny, and there are those younger people that maybe didn't hear it yet:)”

“It is encumbant upon our generation to keep these great jokes going after all! LOL!”

“A woman goes to the local welfare office towing her three sets of twins. The case worker asks her who the father is of the youngest set of twins. She replied it was the pastor of her church. He then asked her who the father was on the middle set of twins. She said it was the former pastor of her church. The case worker finally asked who the father was of the oldest twins and she replied she didnt know because that was before she found religion.”

“Twin Jesus'?”

“What do you call a rock musician without a girlfriend?




























Homeless”

“Can you believe this?

Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking...surely I cannot look that old? Read the following..

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years ago.

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1971. Why?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely, and then the son of a #&%!$ asked, "What did you teach?”

“Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so
far
> > >
> > >during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
> > >
> > >1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I
saw
> > her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
> > >
> > >2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I
speak
>from
> > personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
> > >
> > >3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my
mother
> > and father."
> > >
> > >4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some
deaths
> > in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
> > >
> > >5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think
we
>can
> > expect the same thing again."
> > >
> > >6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition
doesn't
>like
> > it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
> > >
> > >7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of
the
> > IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
> > >
> > >8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like
they've
>got
> > eleven Dicks on the field."
> > >
> > >9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well
is
> > that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and
kisses
> > them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"”

“Not a joke...but cute none the less....

Sunday School

> > > I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see
> > > if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
> > >
> > > I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big
> > > garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would
> > > that get me into Heaven?"

> > > "NO!" the children answered.
> > >
> > > "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and
> > > kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

> > > Again, the answer was, "NO!"
> > >
> > > By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
> > >
> > > "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to
> > > all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me
> > > into Heaven?" I asked them again.
> > >
> > > Again, they all answered, "NO!"
> > >
> > > I was just bursting with pride for them.
> > >
> > > Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > A five-year-old boy shouted out,
> > >
> > > "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."”

“A woman is having a perfect breakfast:

Her son is on the front of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the front of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the front of Playgirl,
and her husband is on the milk carton.






A very rich 50 year old man walks into the local drinking hole with a drop dead beautiful blond 25 year old.
His friends look on with amazement as the guy is quite homely.
They ask him, "What did you do? Did you tell her you were rich and 40?"
"No", he replied.
"I told her I was 90."”

“LOL....had to think about that one for a min...( redhead moment)”