Cute Jokes......

“A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mum," he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied”

“At the nursery, the sales clerk said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't have any African Violets in stock. We don't carry them at this time of year. Perhaps a nice potted geranium?"

"No," replied Kevin rather sadly, "it was African Violets that my wife told me to water while she was gone."”

“While shopping at the PX a young soldier was approached by a female officer. Noticing his fly was down she tryed to tell him in a more military manner. "Soldier" she said, "your barracks door is open". Embarassed and desperate for a come back he responded "Ma'am, was their a marine standing at attention in the doorway?"

"No" she replied, "all I saw was a disabled vet sitting on a couple of duffle bags."”

“New Regulations in New York's Registry of Motor Vehicle's 2005 Handbook:

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident New York driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by someone else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

4. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with FL, PA, NY or Del plates. With no insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in a New York rush hour.

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a New York driver flashing his high beams behind you can go faster in your spot.

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. is the New York home of high-speed slalom-driving thanks to the Department of Transportation, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.

12. It is the tradition in New York to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing your seat-belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

14. Remember that the goal of every driver is New York to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

15. In New York, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite (Bronx) salute. This gesture should always be returned.”

“i dont even live anywhere near the coast and ive at some point or another lived by 1-4,8 (i dont quite understand 9),10,14, and 15”

“Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?



Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?"



"That fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."



The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry.." So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn. About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.



The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.



The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!"



"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!"



The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....



"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO"”

“~groan!~”

“loved it...........”

“A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little upset, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.

He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says:

"Are you going to tell him, or should I?"”

“that nuts are always under a buck!!”

“Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an
endless wait in the LAX airport.

The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy
man.
The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children the
California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my
husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband
bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."

Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was
born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy
for you when you had your first child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.

"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh my God! What on earth for?"

The Southern lady responded, "Well for one thing, instead of saying
"Who gives a #&%!$?" I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that precious?"”

“At the University, there were four sophomores taking
Chemistry and all of them had an "A" so far.
These four friends were so confident
that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit
some friends and
have a big party. They had a great time, but after
all the hearty partying,
they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to
Duke until early Monday
morning. Rather than taking the final then, they
decided that after the final
they would explain to their professor why they missed
it.

They said that they visited friends but on the way
back they had a flat tire.
As a result, they missed the final.

The professor agreed they could make up the final the
next day.
The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that
night for the exam.

The Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave
them a test booklet.
They quickly answered the first problem worth 5
points. Cool, they thought!
Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to
be easy.
Then they turned the page .......

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> On the second page was written:
"For 95 points: Which tire????"”

“HA HA HA HA!”

“He he...good one.”

“'I'm So Lucky'

September 9, 2005

By Tracy Vedder


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SEATTLE - A grizzly bear attacked a man, ripped off his skull, broke his neck and back -- and the man's only thoughts were to keep his daughter safe.

Friday, that man, Johan Otter was well enough to talk about his incredible story.

From the moment Otter wheeled in the interview room at Harborview Medical Center, he started cracking jokes. In spite of the scars criss-crossing his skull, the metal contraption holding his broken neck and back straight, the injuries you can't see, it was obvious what kept Otter alive. "You have to be positive; I'm a positive person period."

Good thing. Two weeks ago, he and his daughter Jenna, 18, were hiking in Montana's Glacier National Park. While coming up on a blind switchback, the pair surprised a grizzly bear with two cubs just feet away.

"This bear is right at me," Otter describes the bear charging him, "and mouth wide open, you see the fangs and you see the huge claws."

An instinctual reaction, the bear was trying to protect her cubs. Otter, also acting instinctually, protected his.

"The main thing going through my mind at that point is like, 'don't get to my daughter, just stay with me.'"

The grizzly bit Otter to the bone in his right arm, his left arm and thigh, stomped up and down on his back.

"I think at that point I actually grabbed it by the throat," says Otter, "I mean I was holding onto the bear itself, yeah because I want to hold it with me, I didn't want it to go to my daughter."

And then, the bear bit Otter's head. "I could feel at one point my scalp was in its mouth and I could feel a tooth going into my scalp, I thought, ooohhh, that's not good." Otter knew he and the grizzly were just millimeters away from a fatal encounter. "At that point I thought, 'hmmmm you can die from that,' and I did not expect to die, that did not come into my mind that that was going to be an option that day."

Otter and the bear had tumbled partially down the steep hillside. He was wedged into the corner of a seasonal stream.

After a five-minute battle, bitten and broken, Otter finally played dead. He hoped his daughter had had time to find a safe place to hide.

Briefly, the grizzly turned her attention to Jenna. The grizzly bit her in the cheek, on the left shoulder, but Jenna played dead and the bear eventually left. Speaking of his daughter remaining still through the attack Otter says, "Now that's courage."

Within an hour, other hikers discovered the pair, but it took several hours and the help of a helicopter to bring father and daughter off the mountain trail.

Otter was airlifted to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle. He broke seven vertebrae in his neck and back, three ribs, had numerous puncture wounds and his right eye socket was crushed.

But one of the most difficult injuries was his scalp. The bear completely tore off most of Otter's scalp down to the bone. Dr. Nicholas Vedder, Chief of Plastic Surgery at Harborview oversaw an unusual transplant procedure, using a layer of muscle from Otter's side and a skin graft from his thigh. The surgical team is essence gave Otter an entirely new scalp.

"So he'll wind up having a thin layer of skin, a layer of muscle and then the skull," says Dr. Vedder. "So it essentially reconstructs his scalp. The one thing it doesn't reconstruct is the hair."

As bad as Otter looks now, he expects a full recovery, and he figures the only thing that matters, is his daughter is okay and ready to start her first year of college.

"I am so lucky," he says.

Otter flew back to his home in southern California Friday.

The National Park Service tells KOMO 4 News they are not trying to track the bear. It has not been sighted since this incident and because it was attacking defensively to protect its young, it is not considered a problem bear

. This is the first instance a bear-related injury in Glacier National Park this year.”

“well, that's just not cute, at all... wrong thread?”

“That's terrible, I'm glad they survived, but why is this story on the cute jokes thread?”

“awwwwwwww the cubs were cute

my question is (besides why this thread) is why they werent making noise to scare away grizz?”

“I kept expecting the punchline to come along...”

“Amazingly simple home remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.”

“what do a peroxide blonde and an airliner have in common??
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
They both have Black Boxes!”

“What do yo call a blonde that dyes her hair brown?

Artificial Intelligence”

“I had a deputy commisioner's young blond daughter (nicknamed "OPIE") tell me that joke maybe 8-10 years ago. I liked her from that day on..........”

“>Subject: Best Break-Up Letter Ever
>
>A soldier stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter
>from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
>
>Dear Rick,
>
>I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
>just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since
>you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
>
>Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
>Love,
>Becky..............
>
>
>The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
>snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends,sisters or ex-girlfriends.
>In addition to the picture of Becky, Rick included all the other
>pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There
>were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:
>
>Dear Becky,
>
>I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the f*** you are.
>Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
>
>Take Care,
>Rick”

“Love it, I needed a good laugh today.”

“LMAO!! GOODUN!!”

“THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl .. "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "NO!!"..

And the guy lived happily ever after .. and went fishing, hunting, played golf a lot, and drank beer and farted, whenever he wanted.

THE END”

“What a great story”

“Dammit, cats, you made me cry.”

“dont forget "and hiked"”

“Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.

To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."

Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off.”

“Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally naked, while a beautiful, big-breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his #&%!$. They were told that anyone whose bell rang when the nude model danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest.

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell...

Then all the other bells started to ring.”

“:0”

“What's President Bush's position on Roe vs. Wade?

Answer: He doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.”

“My son gives clean
living the ol' college try

I visited my son at college on Parents Weekend, which is a nice event that colleges hold so that parents will have a chance to feel old.

I started feeling old the moment I got to my son's housing unit and saw a sign on the door that said: END WORLD HUNGER TODAY. This reminded me that there was a time in my life, decades ago, when I was so full of energy that I was going to not only END WORLD HUNGER, but also STOP WAR and ELIMINATE RACISM. Whereas today my life goals, to judge from the notes I leave myself, tend to be along the lines of BUY DETERGENT.

I felt even older when I entered my son's apartment, which he shares with three roommates and approximately 200 used pizza boxes. When I was a college student, we also accumulated used pizza boxes, but we threw them away after a reasonable period of time (six weeks). Whereas my son and his roommates apparently plan to keep theirs forever. Maybe they believe that a wealthy used-box collector will come to the door and say, "If you can produce a box used to deliver pizza on the night of Sept. 12, 1999, I'll pay you thousands of dollars for it!" Because they WILL have that box on file.

They keep their pizza boxes in the kitchenette, which is also where they keep their food supply, which is an open jar containing a wad of peanut butter as hard as a bowling ball. You may be wondering: "What happens if a burglar breaks into the kitchenette and steals their pizza boxes?" Do not worry. They keep a reserve supply of pizza boxes in the living room, and if a burglar tried to get THOSE, he'd trip over the cord that stretches across the room from the TV to the video-game controller held by a young man who is permanently installed on the sofa. This young man is not one of my son's roommates; for all I know, he's not even a student.

After passing through the living room, I stuck my head into my son's bedroom. I was reluctant to enter, because then I'd have been walking on my son's clothes. He keeps them on the floor, right next to the bureau. (I don't know what he keeps in the bureau. My guess is: pizza boxes.) My son assured me that, even though his garments appear to be one big intertwined pile, he knows which are clean and which are dirty.

"Like, this one is clean," he said, picking a garment off the floor, "and this one is clean, and this one is ... never mind." There were no sheets on my son's bed. Asked about this, he explained (this was the entire explanation): "They came off a couple of weeks ago." I'm not complaining about my son's housekeeping. He is Martha Stewart compared with the student who occupied his bedroom last year. According to true campus legend, when this student moved out, his laundry was so far beyond human control that he simply abandoned it. As a kind of tribute, his roommates took a pair of his briefs outside, climbed a lamppost and stretched the briefs over the lamp.

They remain there today, a monument to the courage and dedication it takes to put underpants on a lamppost.

Not all student rooms look like my son's. Some are occupied by females. If you stand outside the building, you notice that those rooms have curtains and pictures on the walls; whereas the males' rooms have all been painstakingly decorated with: nothing.

We stood outside my son's building one evening, noting this difference; my son, looking at a tasteful, female-occupied room, said, with genuine wonder in his voice: "I think they vacuum and stuff." Speaking of which: During Parents Weekend, I took my son shopping, and we bought, among other things, a small vacuum cleaner. When we got back to his room, one of his roommates opened the box and held up the vacuum cleaner. We all looked at it, and then at the room. Then we enjoyed a hearty laugh. Then the roommate set the vacuum cleaner down on the floor, where it will be swallowed by laundry and never seen again. This is fine.

These kids are not in college to do housework: They are there to learn. Because they are our Hope for the Future. And that future is going to smell like socks.

This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on Nov. 21, 1999

Humor columnist Dave Barry has been based with the Miami Herald since 1983. He won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary in 1988. Barry writes every Saturday in the Daily News about various major issues relating to the international economy, the future of democracy, the infrastructure and exploding toilets. By the way, Dave doesn't use email. Write to him at: Dave Barry, The Miami Herald, One Herald Plaza, Miami FL 33132.”

“Did you hear the Kleenex factory workers went on strike?

Now everyone will have to picket.”

“A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his roundtrip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate accent), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch hike to the airport and barely caught his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked.

"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.

"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"

"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "Okay," and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.”

“LOL! Great one!”

“Four novice nuns were about to take their vows. Dressed in their white gowns, they came into the chapel with the Mother Superior and were about to undergo the ceremony to marry them to Jesus, making them "Brides of Christ."

Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Hasidic Jews with yarmulkes, long sideburns and long beards came in and sat in the front row. The Mother Superior said to them, "I am honored that you would want to share this experience with us, but do you mind if I ask why you came?" One of the Jews replied, "We're from the groom's family."”

“A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly,
"Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.

So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious ! at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says:

"Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"”

“Women's Night Out

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk, walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they went home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said "These damn girl nights have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst...my wife came home with no panties!" "That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck in her crack that said "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."”

“Subject: Gas is going up
>
> I went into the 7-11 gas station the other day and asked for five
> dollars worth of gas.
>
> The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
>”

“Republicans decide the Goerge W. Bush needs to be honored with a postage stamp. It turns out that the public complained they were defective because they wouldn't stick to envelopes. This greatly annoyed W so he ordered an investigation why the W stamps would not stick. Turns out that people were spitting on the face side instead of the glue side.”

“Heavenly Reward

After his death, Osama bin Laden went to - not heaven, but to a holding area.

There he was greeted by George Washington, who proceeded to slap him across the face and yell at him, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached and punched Osama in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison entered, kicked Osama in the gut and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson came in and proceeded to beat Osama many times with a long cane and said, "It was evil men like you that provided me the inspiration to pen the Declaration of Independence!".

These beatings and thrashings continued as John Rudolph, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans came in and unleashed their anger on the Muslim terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and writhing in unbearable pain an Angel appeared. Bin Laden wept in pain and said to the Angel, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you that if you followed through with your plans there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in heaven. What did you think I said?”

“grooooooooannn”

“HAVE YOU BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING,
"SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?"
I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?? UPON SEEING HIM,
HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE
BEEN MY CLASSMATE. HMMM,...OR COULD HE??? AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.
"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A BLACK BEAR,"? HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, "IN 1957. WHY DO YOU ASK?"
"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED SON-OF-A-#&%!$ ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU
TEACH?"”

“LMAO!! OUCH!”

“Where do you bury the clones?”

“Why...”