Cute Jokes......

“NEW DOG BREEDS!



Collie + Lhasa Apso

Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport



Spitz + Chow Chow

Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot



Pointer + Setter

Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet



Great Pyrenees + Dachshund

Pyradachs, a puzzling breed



Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso

Peekasso, an abstract dog



Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel

Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle



Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever

Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists



Newfoundland + Basset Hound

Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors



Terrier + Bulldog

Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes



Bloodhound + Labrador

Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly



Malamute + Pointer

Moot Point, owned by.... oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway



Deerhound + Terrier

Derriere, a dog that's true to the end



Bull Terrier + ShihTzu

Oh, never mind....






Terribull?! Dont we have one of those around here?! LOL Just kiddin!
last edited: 1/19/06 12:02:09 PM”

“How 'bout this:

Newfoundland + Basset Hound =

New Ass Hound (BearMagnets' replacement)”

“This morning I walked into teh gas station and asked for $5 worth of gas. The attendent farted and handed me a receipt.”

“You needed a receipt?”

“Doctor Dan had slept with one of his patients and
felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to
forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of
betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a
while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:
"Dan, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to
sleep with one of his patients and you won't be the
last; and you're single. Just let it go."

But invariably another voice would bring him back to
reality, whispering "Dan, you're a veterinarian..."

LOL...hahahahahah....sooo bad.....”

“Doh!”

“A man walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in here with those." The guy says, "Please Mr. Bartender, I'm very thirsty." The bartenders says, "Ok, I'll let you in but you better not start nothin."”

“my last joke got me thinkin, there's a website for everything else, surely there's one for "man walks into a bar" jokes...this is a good one i found

http://www.andersensilva.com/bar.html”

“25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh S*$# what the hell happened?"

Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.”

“14. I don't have a dog anymore, and when I did, it ate the other dog's poo.”

“so how many have to apply before youre considered grownup?”

“CB, three or four? ;)”

“20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."


LMAO How true!
MD2020 anyone? ;-)”

“How about some Boones Farm Strawberry wine.......

ewwwwwww”

“i think i can do 3 or 4”

“Two good ole boys down in Alabama were sitting around talking one
afternoon over a cold beer...After a while the 1st guy says to the
2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to
Your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby,
Would that make us kin?"

The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his
head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, He says, Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even."”

“it wasn't as funny the second time.”

“Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her
co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State:

1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.

2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo. And..

3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.

Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when
they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's ooooh so good. The
taste is unbelievable!

And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes those guys wrestle
full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the
horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It
is just incredible! They then asked,

Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?"

Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in
the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"

....ok...it took me awhile to get this one since I don't dip!!!!!!
last edited: 1/25/06 4:42:53 PM”

“Ah geez, Div... lol!”

“....ok...it took me awhile to get this one since I don't dip!!!!!!
last edited: 1/25/06 4:42:53 PM”
divinity
4:41:38 PM
1/25/06

me too, div.”

“
The left illustrates div's joke.”

“Thanks for the pic SS !”

“It also illustrates why some san francisco cowboys are attracted to Brokeback Mountain.”

“Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about".

Blonde Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"”

“If you are ready for the adventure of a lifetime, TRY THIS:
Enter Mexico illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas,
International law or any of that nonsense.
Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical
care for you and your entire family.

Demand bilingual nurses and doctors.

Demand free bilingual local government forms, bulletins, etc. Procreate abundantly.

Deflect any criticism of this allegedly irresponsible reproductive
behavior with, "It is a cultural USA thing. You would not understand, pal."

Keep your American identity strong. Fly Old Glory ! from your
rooftop, or proudly display it in your front window or on your car
bumper.

Speak only English at home and in public and insist that your
children do likewise.

Demand classes on American culture in the Mexican school system.

Demand a local Mexican driver license. This will afford other
legal rights and will go far to legitimize your unauthorized, illegal presence
in Mexico.

Drive around with no liability insurance and ignore local traffic laws.
Insist that local Mexican law enforcement teach English to
all its officers.

Good luck! You'll be demanding for the rest of time or soon dead.
Because it will never happen. It will not happen in Mexico or any other
country in the world except right here in the United States, Land of the
naive stupid idiotic politically correct politicians.”

“Now that's funny!
I guess I'm going to have to try these Fuego threads more often.”

“AP Newswire-
Recently, the Canadian government promised the U.S. government military support for its ongoing war efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan. In a press conference, the Canadian Prime Minister told the AP that Canada would supply the United States with ten aircraft carriers, forty airship fighters, and two-thousand ground troops. However, after currency conversions and other applied metric conversions this support only added up to:
2 manned canoes, 5 flying squirrels, and a couple of Canadian mounted police.”

“After digging to a depth of 1000 feet last year,
Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating
back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their
ancestors already had a telephone network a thousand
years ago.

Not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, English
scientists dug 2000 feet and headlines in the U.K.
Papers read: "English scientists have found traces of
2000 year old optical fibre, and have concluded that
our ancestors already had an advanced high-tech
digital network a thousand years earlier than the
Scots."

One week later, the Irish newspapers reported the
following: "After digging as deep as 5000 feet, Irish
scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have
concluded that 5000 years ago, our ancestors were
already using wireless technology.”

“the earths crust gets a foot deeper every year? wholly shnikes”

“http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html

The object of the game is to move the red block around without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls.

If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal.

It's been said that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots.They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes.


http://tinyurlcom/56t9u”

“A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.
The nurse starts with certain basic items.

"How much do you weigh?" she asks. "115," she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140.

The nurse asks, "Your height?" "5 foot 8," she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".

She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" she screams, "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"”

“A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag... "Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?" Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" "So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!" "Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up"....”

“A lieutenant calls his sergeant into his office one day to inform him that Smith's mother has died and to let the trooper know.

The sergeant then goes out and calls his men to attention, barks out some orders, and says, "Oh by the way Smith, your mother died. Now fall out!"

A few weeks later, the lieutenant calls in his sergeant to his office and tells him to inform McKenzie that his mother has died, but this time be a little more tactful about it.

So, the sergeant goes out and calls his men to attention. He yells, "Everyone whose mother is still alive, step forward! Hey, hey, not so fast McKenzie."”

“Word Play

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook who leaves Arby's to work at
McDonalds.

2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do.

3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.

4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.

6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen
cabinets.

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.

8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does.

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was
full of money.

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots.

12. PARADOX: Two physicians.

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel
Tower.

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with.

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the
TV.

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring.

18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.

20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government
official.”

“Medical Examinations Stories

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs-and I was in the wrong one.

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big
breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now,
the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was
alive."

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman entered. She had purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sported a variety of tattoos, and was wearing strange clothing. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for
immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged
lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but
the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".”

“Dave works hard at the plant & spends most of his evenings riding his scoot with the boys. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them & says "Hey Dave, how ya doin?" His wife is puzzled & asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh No," says Dave. "He works at the plant."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable & says, "you must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser. "No honey, she works at the plant, too."
A stripper comes over to their table & throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says. "Want your usual table dance?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse & storms out of the club.
Dave follows & spots her getting into a cab. Before she slams the door, he jumps in beside her & she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head & says, "Looks like you picked up a real #&%!$ tonight, Dave."”

“Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00


Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss.
11) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
12) Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to liquor store; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 10.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00 Total-- $4165.00

But, you have the satisfaction of knowing the job was done right...”

“This was sent to me....


The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls." I told my
husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the
hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem peeved at all.

Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night
our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. s..t.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed tw ice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."”

“A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog. They come to a busy intersection and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic.
This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down. The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Your dog nearly got you killed! Why on earth are you rewarding him with a cookie?" The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."”

“The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered
that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's
leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers
running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from
power.




This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of
the game.”

“A blonde was reading a newspaper whose headline read: "12 Brazilian Citizens Killed!"

Shocked, the blonde turned to the man sitting next to her and asked, "Excuse me sir, do you know how many a brazilian is?"”

“I heard "how many zero's in a brazilian"? Funny joke”

“I heard it was Bush who asked that question”

“An American citizen was visiting the UK when he decided to go into a pub and try the "foreign" spirits. One drink turned into many and eventually the man stubbled out of the pub. Feeling a sudden urge to relieve himself, he found the side of a nearby building and went to relieve himself when a cop strolled by and said, "Hey! Hey! You can't do that here. Find a loo or I'm takin' you in!"
The man replied, "Please officer, I really gotta go."
Feeling pity on the man, the cop said, "Alright follow me.", and led the man to a beautiful, scenic opening between buildings. Fountains ran and birds sang. The cop said, "Alright you can piss anywhere is this garden."
"Wow", said the American, "This is really nice! What hospitality you have here. Is this what a public bathroom looks like in England?"

"No", replied the cop, "This is the French Embassy."”

“We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and we challenge any so-called "smart" ass Yankee to take this exam:



1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.



2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
( B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.



3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?



4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 4 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?



5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?



6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?



7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?



8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?



I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show .... There's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.



As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece ....



Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.”

“Well the answer to #3 is 3 radiators, given they come trucks. If from small cars then 4.”

“I sent this one to my dad in south Georgia.”

“After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the
> >> >>> limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that
>the
> >> >>> Pope is still standing on the curb.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver. "Would you
> >> >>> please take your seat so we can leave?"
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never
> >> >>> let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd
> >> >>> really
> >> >>> like to drive today."
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > "I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd
> >> >>> lose my
> >> >>> > job! And what if something should happen?" protests the
> >> >>> driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > "Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something
> >> >>> extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs
> >> >> in behind the wheel.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting
> >> >>> the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to
> >> >>> 105 mph. (Remember, he's a German Pope.)
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried
> >> >>> driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they
> > hear
> >> >>> sirens.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!"
> >> >>> moans the driver.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop
> >> >>> approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to
> >> >>> his
> >> >>> motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's
> >> >>> stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > "So bust him," says the Chief.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,
> >> >>> "said the cop.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!"
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > "No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of
> >> >>> persistence.
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > Cop: "Bigger."
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > Chief: "Governor?"
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > Cop: "Bigger."
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > "Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > Cop: "I think it's God!"
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > The Chief is even more puzzled and curious: "What makes you
> >> >>> think it's God?"
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> >
> >> >>> > Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."”