Cute Jokes......

“yes, you are”

“A little girl was at the barber shop with her father. She was standing next to the barber chair while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.The barber said " sweetheart you're gonna get hair on your twinkie" She said "I know , I'm gonna get boobies too".”

“did you get these jokes from the NAMBLA site?”

“your mom told them to me”

“A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your #&%!$ was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new #&%!$. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes she has." says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops."”

“What did the fish say when he ran into the giant concrete wall?











DAM!”

“An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, an American, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club.

The bouncer said: "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."”

“~groan!~”

“Lmao, singaporian, oh man”

“"Mom, mom, at school I can say the alphabets all the way up to G. All the other kids can only say up to D. Is it because I'm blond?", the girl asked. "Yes, that's right...because you're a blond" the mom answered.

Next day the excited girl rushed home and said she can count all the way up to 10, and that the other kids can only count up to 6. Is it because she's a blond? "Yes, because you're a blond" the mom once again answered.

On the third day the girl hurried home and said, "After gym class we all took a shower and all the other girls had little bumps on their chest". She continued, "I, on the other hand have boobies" at the same time lifted up her shirt to show her very embarassed mom. "Is it because I'm a blond?". "No dear" the mom replied, "It's because you're 25 years old".”

“A friend of mine told me he had sex with his girlfriend and her twin. I asked "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother has a mustache".”

“Please keep political jokes to fuego threads. There are a couple fuego joke threads and posters can always start another one.”

“ttmoderator3 made a funny”

“Thank you.

Doug”

“Moderator3 is obviously a liberal.... Not that there's anything wrong with that

Oops... Was that outloud?”

“HEY I didn't say which President..”

“Your just too fuegocious, one”

“You notice nobody posted in any fuego thread today...you must be a trendsetter. ...or Uncle Cliff has passed..”

“Hey where did that condom joke go? The one with Arabs and goats and Englishmen and such? thanx”

“will i be dam


25 minutes ago, I hit the big Three-Nine”

“bam.... found it

ovair on the Fox news is stupid thread”

“THE ARROGANCE OF AUTHORITY

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish. On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull…

With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs,

"Your badge! Show him your BADGE!"

- John Hornby via email”

“Two guys are sitting at a bar on the top floor of the Empore State Building, enjoying the view and having a few beers. After a couple hours one of them goes over to the fence and says, "Man that's a long way down!"
The second guy goes over there and starts telling Guy1 about the ventilation system in the building. He tells him how it was state of the art at the time it was built and an incredible technilogical marvel, because the building is so tall it takes really strong fans to efficiently circular air properly. Well Guy1 is fascinated by this and and practically begs Guy2 to tell him more.
Guy 2 says, "these fans are so strong that you can jump off this fence and they will suck you in through the window on the 10th floor"
"I don't think that's possible, you had me goin for a minute there" says Guy1
Guy2 says," Oh yeah? Here, I'll show you" and abruptly climbed onto the guard fence and jumps off the building!
Guy1 watched in horror as the man fell and fell and fell but when he was almost to the ground, WHOOSH, he got sucked into the 10th floor window. He then got onto the elevator and went back up to the top, walked over to the bar and ordered another beer.
Guy1 was stunned. " that's amazing! I can't believe it actually worked! There has to be more to this, those fans can beggar strong."
Guy2 says," Nope, it's simple physics. Look, I'll do it again." he walks over to the fence, climbs up and jumps off again. He falls and falls and at the 10th floor, WHOOSH, gets sucked into the window again.
This time when he gets back up to the top, Guy1 is really worked up. He just can't believe this and thinks there has to be a trick to it. He's sonflustered henorders a few shots for both of them. They're both gettin pretty toasted by now. He asks Guy2 if it's scary. " Nope, it's actually kinda fun, you should try it."
After another round of shots, Guy1 can't take it anymore, "Ok, That's it. I'm gonna do it!" He goes over to the exact spot on the fence, climbs over and jumps, yelling YEEHAWW all the way down. He falls and falls and gets to the 10th floor .... And keeps goin and SPLATS all over the sidewalk.
Guy2 just chuckles and walks back to the bar and takes another shot.
The bartender looks at him and says," Superman, you're a real jerk when you get drunk"”

“LOL!”