Artex Celebrity Roast

“The guy works in the media, so it's obvious he wants to be in pictures. Maybe the funny pictures....OH!

Whadda bonehead, the dude keeps talking about "the thing". Here's ten bucks, go buy some viagra and a #&%!$ pump and let us live in peace.

I ran into a girl Artex used to date. I asked her what is was like to date him. She said it was like the never ending story that she just wanted to end.

Have you ever seen his hair? It looks like Marv Levy's Toupee on Oxycontin.

Did you here what Gov. Bush said when he moved to Florida? "Great, another hanging chad to deal with!"

Have you ever hiked with the guy? I'd rather hike with that dork Sirpete.



OKAY, okay, we all love ya Artex..... like a case of giardia on the trail...... anyway, our next roaster has known Artex for years...... please let me introduce.....”

“Can you imagine what Buddha's hair will look like by the time he hits 40? Does the name Gene Keady ring a bell?

My bad, I thought this was about Buddha. I haven't met Artex, but I can smell him all the way in Alabama.”

“LMFAO!! I noticed you posted this after Artex's bedtime (which is around 6pm). Coward!

I haven't seen a flame like this since I whizzed in Buddha's spring.”

“takes one to know one.

hey at least when I go out and by hats for my head (and I should know because I have plenty of hair to go around. ain't no chance of me going bald any time to soon) I buy American not some afgahny multiweave with a whip on top.

You are just to vogue for me.

I mean really someone should shoot you just because....whada dork”

“Hickory, dickory, dock.

bacpac was sucking my.....what!?!



Oh, sorry!



Hickory, dickory, dock.

Artex was .........”

“LOL!”

“WHAT KIND OF HELICOPTER DID YOU MAKE OUT OF CORN?”

“damn, i dont know the guy, maybe your right, but thats kinda harsh”

“I thought the purpose of this board was to roast Artex all the time.

I'm still waiting for the jerky, hawg boy!”

“"the never ending story that she just wanted to emd"

lmao! That's too funny, BB.”

“oohhh, he even brought up THE THING!”

“"the thing..." BADUH BING!”

“Is there an end to that thing?”

“Buddha Bear have you ever thought of becoming a writer?

But we're roasting, that yuppie backpacker cappaccino maker dude?”

“It's okay to poke fun at Artex, but don't squeal like a hawg around him.”

“Alright, don't they serve dinner at these roasts? Where's my steak, dammit?”

“by the way - the "Hey Pennsy" thread is kicking your "Hey Artex" thread in the ptooey. I mean, we've got Willy Wonka and stuff.

by the way2 - for the love of God people, never ever pull his finger.”

“I'M outta here.”

“...and never offer to share your tent with Artex. Remember...upwind is a very good thing.”

“It's okay to make fun of him ski, but when he makes a billion in methane futures you won't laugh so hard.”

“So that's what happened to Fluffy.”

“LMFAO!!!”

“But seriously...

Artex is the quintessential TrailTalk ladies man, all the girls like his smooooth style.

But he does seem to fall for the wrong girls. Rumor has it that Aileen Wuornos is not dead, and she's been seen canoeing just this past summer with noneother than that certified tubesteak, Artex. (Why do you think he moved to Florida anyway?).

Make sure she sits up front, Artey!”

“Geobett, it's not the methane futures I worry about...it's the methane past and present.”

“I always knew Artex was a horny bastard.

”

“Dang, how did my alter ego sneak in here?”

“Somebody must have been in the same Scout troop I was in, judging by the knick-knack shelf in the background.”

“I don't mean to say the guy is not popular, but he can really thin out a crowd. The "Leaving TT" threads went into hyper-drive once Artex started posting here.

Artex once hailed a cab in New York. It's the only time a cabbie didn't pick up a fare because of an odor problem.

The reason this guy started hiking in the first place? Well, you can get chased into the woods by your family only so many times...

It's been said that pigs aren't safe around Artex. I believe it. I've seen so many piglets that have an uncanny resemblance....

Bada-bing!”

“LMAO!!! You guys are too much. No. Really. You are.”

“I took Artex to the whitehouse to collect my reward. Curious Goerge told me, no son, it's weapons of MASS destruction, not weapons of A$$ destruction.

Oh, and what's up with that toothy grin? The dude has more chicklets than my grandma at church on Sunday.

Yeah, and he's supposed to be this big time ladies man. I doubt it, he does have that "zipper" problem, and I don't see how that helps with the ladies.

Seriously folks, Artex is a nice guy. Once, when a fellow hiker ran out of butane for his pocket rocket, Artex volunteered his a$$ as a gas source. Whadda guy!”

“Pete's gonna be jealous BB. He really likes being your b|tch and he ain't gonna be happy playing second fiddle.”

“A quick backhand will keep him in line. Heck, why am I telling you, you should know!


lol!”