Ideas for a scarecrow

“yes, started my garden this weekend, boy that is a lot of hard work. I am so sore, even my butt hurst


anywho, i want a scarecrow in the garden, any ideas as to how to make it?

straw?
I heard its good to use human hair to scare off the little critters”

“pie plates and bright ribbon”

“why the bright colors? does it scare them of make the garden look pretty?”

“Treebeard.”

“heard its good to use human hair to scare off the little critters"
mapleleaf


Whose hair?”

“more visible...”

“lmao @ MH!”

“Hmmmmm, good idea!

Stake Treebeard's ass out in the garden.”

“maple should have saved some of her hair from when she went "Raggedy Ann". That'd scare off anything...lol...


j/k....”

“my brother heard about the human hair and got it from the local barbershops.”

“Scarecrows only scare off stupid critters. For smart critters, like squirrels for instance, you need to get a shooting iron and plug the little b@st@rtds.”

“Blow up several copies of this mug and glue it to the pie plates first.

”

“Get a fake owl.”

“You do risk a visit by the ASPCA but it'll work better.”

“violin, i still want my veggies to grow, not scare the poopies out of them so they never want to grow up.”

“Fake owls don't fool anything but fake squirrels.

Violin's suggestion could have promise. To make it even more effective, you could make a tape recording about the wonders of ALPS gear, the terrible Palestinians, and some rants about Kentucky Fried Chicken. That oughta scare anything.”

“Thanks, now I'm going to have nightmares.”

“Substitute empty KFC buckets for the pie tins...”

“I don't know if you will be able to find this on the island but they sell fox urine at a lot of gun shops. It is suppose to cover up hunters sent, but squirrels will avoid any thing that smells of it. My uncle has used it to get ride of squirrels in peoples attics. He will put a couple drops into a cotton ball and put it inside a Ziploc bag. As soon as he opens the bag in the attic the little bastards all run away.”

“great idea, but how do i explaine to my new neighbors why my yard smells like PEE?”

“Make a chicken bone wind chime/mobile, and don't forget to hang some roadkill fur and feathers on it.

A bit of VooDoo might just do the trick.”

“Fox urine, huh? Dick's, here I come!”

“you got a fox named dick?

care to share with the rest of the class how you plan on gathering his pee?”

“You only need to use a few drops, not enough that a human will be able to notice.”

“You're a real whizz, Geo!”

“Nope, Dick's is a sporting goods shop, and Elyce's favorite story. She blithely informed us of that on one camping trip.

"I like Dick's," she said with an air of finality. Even the kids cracked up laughing.”

“The reason the stuff works is because foxes are one of the main predators for squirrels. So if the squirrels thin a fox is hanging around they won’t.”

“Suppose it's a squirrel that doesn't give a damn about foxes?”

“There is a big box outlet center in Hamilton, NJ (just outside of Atlantic City). When they were building it, three of the first names to go up on the sign were Dick's, B.J.s, and Seamans.”

“ V, sounds like a fun place.”

“ok, so where do you get this stuff?

im in the city, and unless a homeless drunk is willing to give it up, it maybe a hard item to find.



(oh please dont tell me i have to have it mailed to me, how on earth would i explaine this to my mother-in-law when it comes in the mail)”

“M-I-L: You bought WHAT?”

“Oh, "mom", it's a new perfume you should try it!”

“Homeless fox on Staten Island with sign:

Will Pee For Food.”

“I've solved your problem for you. I looked up Brian, and he is willing to stand in your garden with his arms out in exchange for, shall we say, considerations.”

“hey, will you exchange him for bales? i would love to see him tied to poles in my backyard.”

“LMBO @ Tilt...”

“Well if it's bales ya want, the strategy changes somewhat. You strap him to poles and smear his body with peanut butter. That keeps the squirrels out of the garden. All those little squirrel tongues licking peanut butter off him will drive bales stark raving sane.”

“can we smear him with his own blood as to attrack the rats?


oh wait i dont have a rat problem...lets just do it for fun.”

“If you tie bales to poles in your yard you will have a rat problem.”

“wont care, they will go after him.

HHEEAAHHHWWAAAEEE”

“How's the new job going btw Mapleleaf?”

“I can't believe nobody said anything about the Butt Hurst.

Four on the floor?”

“ynam what job? this one im at now? i hate it.
if you mean the other job? i didnt take it. real glad i didnt either.

changed majors in school. going for sci instead. thanks for asking :)

titl, well in a sence yes. i was on all 4.
IN THE GARDEN YOU PERVERT!”

“I''ve got it Mapes. Several times a night you just chase twignut through the garden.”

“It just reminded me of '67 GTO I once knew..... LOL”

“Use an actual human corpse if you want life like to scare the birds away.”