Democrat, Republican, Southern Republica n

“Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans? The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 9 mm, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer:


Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:

BANG!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click....(sounds of reloading).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips??"


Enjoy Life While You May”

“Given the circumstances, all three would shoot the bastard. Hell, I might even rifle his pockets and take his wallet. Any other questions?”

“~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:

BANG!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

real republican answer:

BANG !
ut oh, there's a black guy --BANG!
and another -- BANG!
hey, that muslim guy MIGHT have a gun too, better shoot him to be safe -- BANG!
wait, there's a woman breastfeeding her baby, i can see her boob -- BANG!
what's that? some kind of animal, it might be dangerous --BANG!”

“ROFFLMDAO @ sacco.


Dayhiker, what possible form of evil caused you to open this can of worms?”

“Why shoot to kill when you can maim? That’s a life long lesson.”

“It's cheaper if you go ahead and kill them.

Every lawyer knows, if you run over someone, back up an do it twice to make sure their dead.

I am sure the same principle would apply to a gunshot.”

“Well you could always maim the guy, so he can't get away too fast. Hand the gun to the kids so they can get some first hand experience. And have the wife take pictures so you have something to remember this wonderful family moment.”

“Good Advice Chili, dead men tell no tales.”

“The real question would be, what the hell would I be doing in the city?”

“hey look, a lesbian couple, they're gonna corrupt my children -- BANG BANG

and that woman doesn't even have a bible handy --BANG

and that doctor might perform an abortion -- BANG

a gay man....secretly fascinated... a little curious....wondering how big his #&%!$ is... bet it's bigger than mine...no...must fight temptation...must be hetero...must prove i'm a man... ... BANG!”

“Can I play coy, chili, and say I didn't know I'd get this type of response?

I can't believe sacco hasn't said, "Since he's after my money, he might be a democrat....BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!!!"”

“Republicans rob you with a fountain pen, LOL”

“lmfao dayhiker!

i was crackin up man, that's he-larry-ous


then sacco-crap came down the pike, whatta buzz-killer that guy turned out to be....”

“what i can't believe is that none of the bible thumpin, bush lovin, rest of the world hating, people around here haven't said anything yet.

and also, i'm a little surprised violin or somebody hasn't posted an image yet. like a big bobble headed bush blowing away a big mixed race crowd with an M-16.”

“oops - 1 minute too late with my last post.

hello strat. how's life?”

“How's Vanzetti doing?”

“If you are a republican, prior to shooting him, find out his party affiliation. Then, if it's 'R', proceed to blow one knee cap off. Hand him your gold plated fountain pen and have him sign a check for at least a 3,000 dollar donation to the RNC. If he says he doesn't have his checkbook, blow the other kneecap. You see, people do things under duress that they may not do otherwise...”

“It's so nice to not be affiliated with any party. I can laugh at either one as I see fit.”

“So, if a Republican comes at you with a pen in his hand.... Shoot him! LOL

No jury in the world would convict you, <G>”

“Right, chances are he's looking for money. Shoot on sight!”

“I was thinking... WorldCom, Enron, ImClone, Adelphia, ...”

“bart's fine, HPM, thanks for askin.

what if a demo comes at you with a pen ?”

“If he's after money you KNOW he's a republickan.”

“Cool, good looking dogs ya got there.”

“The R gets money from you by writing a check, the D gets the money through the IRS.”

“R's want to give my money to big environment killing coorps (like themselves)

D's want to give my money to lazy freeloading people who don't want to work.(like themselves)

i think if ANY politician comes at you, you should just shoot.”

“ditto”

“me? thanks. they're my children.”

“Yep you.”

“i aint never thumped a bible in my life, TYVM. never worked for a big cooperation, never clear cutted a forest, never even shot and abortion doctor or engaged in racism.

but i would definetly smoke a knife weilding psycho with my 9 millamill in a heartbeat....”

“More likely scenario:
Republican fumbles with Glock, accidently shoots daughter and drops gun.
Man drops knife, picks up gun and shoots republican and wife.”

“lmao @ Aero!”

“hardy har har....

not on my street...”

“Unless of course he's a Log Cabin Republican.

In which case he holds the psycho at gun-point while he calls the gym on his cell phone and gets Serge and Raul and a few other boys to come down and work the guy over and they all have their way with him.”

“who doesnn whan to wear de ribbon?!?!”

“i ain't never had spinach.”

“Most knife wielding criminals are democrats. Funny that democrats want to take away your right to keep and bear arms, isn't it?”

“it's also funny that most republicans want to ensure that those 'knife wielding democrats' have the opportunity to upgrade to assault rifles.”

“Democrat Republican, same thing.”

“You forgot the southern democrat:

"stop or I'll" - BANG!

"The republicans left me no choice!"”

“Homer: America, take a good look at your beloved candidates. They're
nothing but hideous space reptiles. [unmasks them]
[audience gasps in terror]
Kodos: It's true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about
it? It's a two-party system; you have to vote for one of us.
[murmurs]
Man1: He's right, this is a two-party system.
Man2: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate.
Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away.
[Kang and Kodos laugh out loud]
[Ross Perot smashes his "Perot 96" hat]

The next day, Kodos announces the result: "All hail, President Kang."”

“Hey Tiny Pud....is that a zucchini or your Glock?”

“on C-SPAN this Sunday, 8 pm EDT (and replayed at 11 pm):

Perfectly Legal”

“"Most knife wielding criminals are democrats."

Did Pat Robertson tell you?”

“or Charleton Heston?”

“Charleton Heston only shoots knife carrying filthy apes.”

“Spear-chuckin', knife-wielding, DAMN dirty apes!”

“That or workers from the Soylent Green factory.”

“I didn't think Democrats used stereotypes?”

“...or jokes”