TT Blizzard Survival Excercise (A Short Story)

“Our hiking party of 6 people (Pennsy Hiker, Artex, Briar Rabbit, Buddha Bear, SirPete & Reese Witherspoon) has been caught by a sudden blizzard while trekking in a remote region of the ADaks'. A mad dash back to Pennsy's tripped out H2 resulted in a few scratches from slipping in the snow while checking out Reese's Pieces, but none of your party sustained any major injuries.

Your attempt to drive out has failed. SirPete, thinking a creek was an exit veered slightly off the road and smashed into a hidden rock and careened into a shallow ravine. In the wreck, your headlights were smashed and the oil pan was torn out. Getting the H2 back in working order is impossible.

On the radio, which is still working, you heard that the blizzard is a major one and is not expected to end until tomorrow night. Immediate clearing is expected then. Temperatures tonight are expected to plummet below zero with winds in excess of 40 mph. The high temperature tomorrow is forcast at 10 degrees with winds unchanged.

You are unsure of your exact position. Your best estimate is that you are 35 miles from the nearest paved secondary road.

Your van is standardly equipped with bucket seats in front, fuzzy dice around the mirror and a continuous back seat and storage area in the rear. A windows are glass. In the storage area, you have the following items: several dirty magazines, Pennsy Hiker's bacpac full of the latest gear, a map of the immediate area, one pound of beef jerky, 5 litres of wine, a knife, Pennsy's Super digital camera, shovel, several pairs of panties, two old blankets, and some hubcaps. Each of your party is wearing hiking boots and a wool jacket, except Reese, who is wearing a g-string as well. In your pockets you have some cash and assorted change and a bottle opener. In the glove compartment are sunglasses (one pair per member) and assorted maps. Buddha Bear smokes like a chimeney.

In discussing your survival possiblities, your group has compiled a list of 15 items.

Your Task

Rank these items from most important to least important for your survival. You are to assume that:
1. All members of the party have agreed to stay together.
2. The time is 3 pm. Your families expect you home by 6 pm and have a vague idea of where you are.
3. BB called "shotgun" in sleeping next to Reese.
4. ARtex ate bean soup for lunch, and chili for dinner.
5. Briar Rabbit is horny.
6. Reese just broke up with that loser Ryan Phillipe, and is looking for a dude who is 6'4" with a goatee.

Rank the following items with 1 being the most important, and 15 being the least important for your groups survival, and the possible hook-up between BB and Reese Witherspoon (must be able to prove hook-up).

Pennsy's Gear
Beef Jerky
Blankets
Lighter
5 liters of wine
Gasoline
Hoses
Hubcaps
Knife
Compass
Dirty magazines
Camera
Shovel
Panties
Sunglasses
The Van's rear view mirror”

“SirPete, thinking a creek was an exit veered slightly off the road...

First of all, I would never let that friggin midget drive my Hummer.

And speaking of hummers... I would use the knife (or my bare hands) to kill the dudes, shag Reese and die with a smile on my face.”

“As Pennsy will atest to, you don't have to worry about me going near the wine.”

“That's fer sure... that's fer DAMN sure!”

“Hell, all you need is the 5 Liters of wine and the camera.

The rest of that junk needs to be jettisoned to make room for BB and Reese to have wild sex.

The energy from that action will keep the H2 warmed up and will further cause a florescent glow which will attract the rangers just after the other gawkers take the photo proving the hookup.

Case closed.”

“Chili, you hit the nail on the head.... I'm thinking about my boyz out there.... get it on film, keep my head out of it, and relive the blizzard fantasy. Artex is only in the story to rewarm the H2 with his natural gas.... lol! We need ranking gentleman, and pretend Artex is the dude mackin' on Reese, if ya have to!”

“You forgot the Edge gel...”

“bit - no need for edge... we just use the foam coming out of Pete's mouth after the near accident instead.”

“Misleading! Very misleading! Usually I find thread titles with sexual undertones to suck us into actually backpacking threads. Today I think I'm getting a serious backpacking thread and I'm sucked into the undertoe of sexual inuendo. Ok, so it isn't actually inuendo... I feel so violated.”

“mission accomplished!”

“Lumberzac hijacks a snowmobile and finds the stricken vehicle, rescues Reese and leaves the rest to fend for them selves. Reese thanks Lumberzac very affectionately.”

“From now on lumberzac will be known as, Hung Of The Adirondacks.”

“And then.. Lumberzac's alarm clock goes off.

Poof!”

“..... and he wakes up in a pool of sweat, next to Rikki Lake.”

“"..... and he wakes up in a pool of sweat, next to Rikki Lake."
Buddha Bear
07:57:35 AM
04/29/04
ignore this user

Not enough beer on the planet for that to happen.”

“LMAO zac!”

“Artex and Buddha are just jealous because lumberzac got Reese. Hell, I hate him too! Let's kill the sumbich!”

“LOL @ Zac! Good one... Hey, you get Saranac where you are, don't you? Good brew...

Geo, BB and I will hold him while you take him down to knuckletown and give him a wooden shampoo.”

“""..... and he wakes up in a pool of sweat, next to Rikki Lake."
Buddha Bear
07:57:35 AM
04/29/04
ignore this user

Not enough beer on the planet for that to happen."
lumberzac
08:03:18 AM

Would you settle for Jeannine Garafalo?”

“Hey, you get Saranac where you are, don't you? Good brew...

Saranac is pretty good, but I think Lake Placid brew is better.

Maybe I'll take Pennsy's camera as well to capture the faces on you guys as I speed away with Reese on the snowmobile.
LOL”

“Heck if you have Reese you should be taking pictures of something else!

Artex, what you don't like Chianti anymore?
I thought you were just marking the snow red for the rescue team.”