Kerry Searching For VP

“Kerry Searching For Black Jewish Midget Woman From Puerto Rico For VP

After heavy criticism from both African Americans and Hispanics for not having any minorities in the 'upper levels' of John Kerry's presidential campaign, John Kerry today announced that he is seeking a Vice Presidential candidate that is black, Jewish, a woman, must be under 4 feet tall and must be from Puerto Rico or have some type of Hispanic background.

"We've started our search yesterday for this person." Stated an official with the Kerry Campaign who wished to remain anonymous, "However, I have to tell you, I think Kerry went overboard on this one. I could possibly find a midget black Hispanic woman, but Jewish too? I don't know about that. We've placed ads everywhere including the Internet. If you know of anyone, please send us an email at politicallycorrect@kerrydoesnothaveachance.com. We certainly appreciate it."

Many people have criticized John Kerry for surrounding himself with only whites in the senior level positions, where as the Bush administration is surrounded by all sorts of people, including African American and Hispanic.

"I'm looking to shut these people up." Stated John Kerry, "That is why I have such specific requirements for my VP candidate. She must be black and Hispanic at a minimum. Hopefully she is very short to cater to the 'vertically challenged' folks around the country. I would also hope this person is both religious and does not believe in God so that we can get all the religious nuts and cater to the atheist/agnostic folks as well. This person should deeply believe in gay marriage and not. She should be pro choice and pro life at the same time and should not believe in capitol punishment, while at the same time, supporting the death penalty for criminals. If possible, she should have voted both against and for the war in Iraq."

The Organization Of Small Black Jewish Women applauded his announcement. "I think John Kerry is making the right choice." Stated Linda Smallster, "We are a very very minority group in this country and have been ignored for so many years. Finally we will have representation in the White House. I give him a standing ovation. Yes, damn it! I am standing!"

"I'm not sure if anything is going to help him at this point" stated a political analyst who wished to remain anonymous, "I'm not sure what will help him get elected. Perhaps he should pick a new Presidential candidate. That may help."

- thedailyfarce.com”