Brit postmen afraid of cat

““Captain Peacock, might I leave a bit early today? I have to go home and wash my puzzy.”

-Mrs. Slocombe”

“At least it's not a killer sheep....”

“It looks evil as hell!”

“I guess I'll never find out about the cat; I get an 'Explicit Material' refusal when I click on it.”

“Oh geez, they have an ad on the page now showing a naked woman (no naughty bits showing, but she's obviously nude) with a couple of guys. That's probably why it's coming up with the "Explicit Material" block...darn Brits, why can't they go bcak to being ashamed of their bodies?”

“Yeah, after all, I'm ashamed of mine.”

“Hang on, I'll go get the text and post it here...”

“TERRIFIED postmen are refusing to deliver mail to a house — because they are scared of a dangerous CAT.

They say their hands are being ripped to shreds by ginger tom Bat as they shove post through the cat flap.

The posties also claim the six-year-old moggie claws their legs with vicious swipes.

Now bosses have sent owner Dan Coyne a letter saying deliveries are suspended because of the “guard cat”.

Stunned Dan, 23, said last night: “I can’t believe they are scared of him.”

But the sales manager did admit: “Bat is a bit of a psycho and has been known to launch himself at people.

“He gets very wound up by the postman and sits under the cat flap waiting for him.

“As the postie pushes the letters through, I’ve seen Bat try to swipe him with his claws.

“He was a rescue cat and is only little — but he does get stroppy.”

Dan, of Cranbrook, Kent has been told to collect his own post until he takes action to control Bat.

The Royal Mail letter said: “The postmen are experiencing problems with your Guard Cat. Sounds ridiculous I know, but as they deliver through the flap the cat scratches them.

“More incredible than this, your cat has been known to jump on the postmen’s leg and dig its claws in.”

Dan said he has a letter box, but posties used the flap because it was easier.

He added: “If they are that scared they should use the box. It is ridiculous.”

The Royal Mail said: “Staff safety is paramount. We are discussing the possibility of a box on the gate.””

“forget the cat story, check out "page 3"!!

except for gremlin, he can't,”

“I gotta do that at home...”

“lucky me. small firm, very little monitoring over the server.”

“It's the Super Soaraway Sun for you.”

“Meow!

”

“Brits are pu$$y whipped.”

“That's because they're all gay!”

“Run away! Run away!”

“He's got fangs this long!!!”

“I've soiled my armor!”

“Cats can be vicious little #&%!$s!

When I was in Boy Scouts, I was headed down someone’s driveway to sell lightbulbs for fundraising when a huge German Shepherd charged me. He put his muzzle in my belly and snarled. The owner had to tackle him and drag him away because he wouldn’t listen. I was about to leave when the owner came back out of his house all apologetic. I figured I’d hit paydirt and would make a huge sale because of the guilt factor. When he opened the door to go get his wallet, the cat almost slipped out and he warned me to look out because it was mean. I figured if the killer guard dog didn’t rate a warning but the cat did, it must be bloodthirsty. #&%!$in’ cats.”

“The Boy Scouts sell Lightbulbs to raise money? Does this compete with GS cookies?”

“Look at the bones!”

“bearmagnet, only in the homes where lightbulbs are considered to be dessert.”

“I see. I'm not trying to knock the "marketing" people at BS but was this a common practice?”

“Yah I think so. I never sold lightbulbs to raise money, but I've heard of it.”

“i think Violin was in the boyscouts when they first invented lightbulbs, so i guess back then it was a pretty groovy idea to sell them door-to-door.”

“It's just a harmless little bunny!”

“That was about 30 years ago. I don't know if it was a deal with the council or just the troop. We sold enough to buy a bunch of 200 lb backpacking tents and other gear so it wasn't bad.”

“Right, one rabbit stew coming right up.”

“cats can be vicious, alright! i have permanent scars on my hands and wrists from a cat of ours i used to "play" with. at least i thought we were playing, but i guess she was in attack mode.”

“You're right lyra. The main excuse people came up with was that their area hadn't gotten electricity yet.”

“Pretty "groovy" Lyra? LOL! Did you sell lava lamps for GS? ;)”

“LOL!!!”

“Girl Scouts, my ass. the one in my town was majorly sucky, i quit after my first meeting. they were trying to brain-wash me!”

“I was a cub scout for about a month.”

“I was dishonorably discharged from the Boy Scouts.”

“LOL! Do tell SE!”

“I was, without a doubt, the world's worst Boy Scout. I never even earned a Skill award, much less a merit badge. I stunk.”

“Please tell me they changed the name from 'Weblows' to something else....”

“Now they're the Weswallows.”

“A SEXUALLY aroused stallion bit his owner to death.

The horny horse started straining and bucking wildly as it passed a nearby mare while pulling a farm cart through a village.

Its owner, aged 24, attempted to calm the bucking bronco but was killed on the spot.

Police in Poland said a post-mortem would determine whether the direct cause of death was a severed jugular vein or damaged spine.”

“quit horsing around!”