Lime Green Jellow Thread

“Ok, here it is...

Evryone's invited but no handguns allowed. Let's get naked and jump right in!”

“First, It's hot and I'm tired, but the jello looks inviting.

Second, Is it the real stuff or laced with artificial sweetener?

Third, Are those raisins or flies I see in it.

Awww, what the hell, (big splash)
Cool....raisins.

Ya'll jump on in and lets party!!”

“Ya know, I was solicited at work today, by phone, to see if I wanted to buy lime green jello for Trailtalk. Seriously! Talk about weird coincidences!!!! ROTFLMAO.”

“I suggest we substitute vodka for the "called for" water for mixing.
Dive in with your mouth open!
WEASEL? Doest thou the backstroke through whipped cream?”

“I think the idea is to dive in head first and then breast stroke. ;)”

“Jello is OK, but I'd cast my vote for butterscotch ice cream topping. It takes a lot more persistence to lick it off completely.”

“How thoughtful! Hiker Boy started a jello thread just for us!

SPLASH! or would that be sploosh?”

“OOPS, I spelled jello wrong!”

“........whatsh dish?......vodka?.........uh, ya jelled spello wong~(%{P”

“I'm feeling guilty. We're having a Lime Green Jello Thread and Nomad isn't around to enjoy it. Oh well. Please pass the vodka.”

“Back in the 70s, I clipped a short article from Newsweek with the headline "Lime Jello Lives!" Apparently some joker had attached an electroencephalograph to a blob of lime Jello, and got a signal--evidence of brain activity. In reality, it was just background electrical charges, and I think the point of the exercise was to show how an EEG can give false readings...but I loved the idea of intelligent lime jello. What does it know that it isn't telling us? ;-)”

“Hiker boy!

What have you started?”

“I'm going to hook up an EKG machine to some lime jello tonight. It may have no brains but it's gotta have heart!”

“Explorer arrives late at the party to find everyone already quite intoxicated and splashing around in the pool. He quickly downs four or five jello shots in order to catch up, then strips down to his speedos and approaches the edge of the pool. He stands for a minute, basking in the hot sun, taking in the scene, and then walks out on the diving board and executes a perfect swan dive, head first, mouth open, in the cool green jello.

He surfaces, and swallows a mouthful of the vodka-laced jello. Then he hears giggling from behind him, and turns to see Mel, wearing his speedos on her head!

"Missing something?" she asks.

He lunges toward her to retrieve his suit, but mel casually tosses it to liz, and liz throws it to Pam, and Explorer realizes he's hopelessly outnumbered. So he just smiles and climbs out of the pool, heading to the diving board for another plunge...”

“Explorer: LOL!! Do I smell a screenplay!?!?!? Or just an average day on the Howard Stern show??? lol”

“Hiker Boy,

This is why drinking and posting to Trail Talk do not mix. Explorer, if you are not packing heat, what is THAT!!????

bacpac begins passing out towels, muttering under his breath ”

“bacpac, if you have to ask...

Explorer accepts the towel from bacpac, and uses it to wipe the green jello from his face. But then, rather than wrap it around his waist, he drops it to the floor, eliciting further muttering from bacpac. Explorer then walks out on the diving board again, standing there a little longer this time, and he winks at lizs, who is holding his speedo and who is still giggling uncontrollably (presumably at his predicament). Then he executes another perfect swan dive, mouth open, into the cool green jello, and when he surfaces, through a drunken haze he sees the three judges, mel, pam and lizs, holding up three signs: 10.0, 10.0, 9.5, but in his vodka-addled mind he's not sure if it's his diving that they're scoring...”

“Did someone say "Absolute"??? Ah yes.... Please pass me a glass of Jello Hiker Boy. Ahhhh...This is quite tasty. I wonder if I can make a "Green" White Russian? I've got a bottle of Kaluhia in my fanny pack. Hold on a minute....It's just at the edge of the pool.

Oh, Explorer...

Nice Form...”

“Make mine Stolichnaya. Never could stand that Absolut crap. Better yet, make it Pertsovka--real jello should sting a little. ;-)”

“Everyone is splashing around and having a great time in the pool when Explorer notices the jello starting to sting a little. He notices Tehipite pouring several bottles of Pertsovka into the pool, but he can't say anything because he's too drunk to remember the proper four-syllable pronounciation of "Tehipite." So he takes one last gulp of jello and climbs out of the pool, leaving his speedo on mel's head where it belongs, and steps over to the outdoor shower to wash the green slime from his sensitive skin.

Under the shower, he closes his eyes as he enjoys the combination of the cool water and the hot sun on his skin. A moment later he hears a soft voice coo: "Nice form."

He opens his eyes to find Freedom standing before him. There's two of her, actually, but he blinks a few times and she resolves into one. He thinks for a moment that she means his diving, but then he notices her eyes.

"Hey, Freedom, I was wondering when you'd show up at the party. But don't you know this is a summer pool party? Take off that damn Iowa sweatshirt and relax!"

Freedom flashes a mischievious smile and peels off her sweatshirt...”

“For sensitive eyes, wear goggles.
A glass of "Jello Hiker Boy", Hmmmmm.
"Butterscotch ice cream topping on your Speedo's sir?"
Quivering Intelligent Life as We Know It Lurking in Transparent Green Dessert Object?
An Absolut Shoot Out at the Stoly Corral?
Excuse me, but am I supposed to see out through the leg holes or the fly?
Fepi-tee-hee? Izit you?
Freedom? How'd Esxpoorer get yer svweatshirt onhizz.......uh.......oh........
I'm going back for seconds.”

“Am I too late for the party?”

“Now, don't go sliding outta' them shorts!
Who's in charge of the clean-up detail?”

“lol bacpac! I bet Explorer is a Jeff Gordon fan, too.”

“Give me one wish. Thank you

I wish "Doc" were here to enjoy this thead.

I recall that he has a great sense of humor.

Hey, IB you think we could turn that Spring at the Knob into a jello spring?

If Explorer shows up I doubt that we'd leave any trace of green in the run off.”

“I can't believe tha Explorer wore Speedos to this shindig! At least he shed them quickly, even if they did end up on mel's head!

Welcome to the Lime Green Jello Party SARboy!!!

MC: I'm thinking a little bitty bottle single malt for the MR trip.”

“Just sitting by the pool, watchin' everybody sploosh around and rubbing on single malt spf 15.”

“Ahhh...Laphroaig...Lagavulin...Talisker...um, sorry boss, have to leave work early... ;-)”

“Explorer wakes up in a lounge chair with a terrible hangover. "The last thing I can remember is Freedom taking off her Iowa sweatshirt to reveal... another Iowa sweatshirt underneath. I must have passed out from the disappointment," he thinks to himself. He notices the chair he is lying in, and then realizes that he doesn't have any sunburn despite lying naked in the hot sun for hours. "Some kind soul must have dragged me over to this deck chair and slathered me with SPF 30. I hope I get to return the favor."

He looks around, hoping to catch the eye of his good samaritan, and he sees that everyone is kicking back in their deck chairs. The pool is empty as Dr. Jones and Gentle Ben finish cleaning up after bacpac's little accident.

Explorer overhears some people talking about Jeff Gordon and wonders to himself "who the hell is Jeff Gordon??" Then he remembers that his name came up in a discussion about NASCAR, and he wonders why anyone would want to watch a bunch of cars driving around in circles after experiencing that all day on the freeways.

Finally, Ben and Dr. Jones finish their work, and mel starts to refill the pool with jello. Meanwhile, Dr. Jones begins to lecture the assembled group on the origins of jello, and how it was invented by the Mongol Tartars in the 12th century, but before he can get to the part about Marco Polo bringing jello back to Italy on the Mayflower, Ben pulls out an enormous gun and shoots him dead.

As the pool party resumes, pamster throws an enormous glob of jello at the just-arrived Sarboy, Larry and Oreo begin to feast on Dr. Jones' remains, and Explorer rolls over and goes back to sleep.”

“Explorer, after reading you last, I did pass out in disappointment! Two Iowa sweatshirts...a damn shame...

Pass the Jello, and where did that bum Nomad get to?”

“Well, now that the pool has been re-filled with more J-E-L-L-O I'd like to take my approach to the diving board in my tight revealing grey fresh-from-the-wash polypro boxers that I got from Sierra Trading Post for $9.95. As I get to the end of the diving board I glance at Pamster and she turns to catch my eye. I turn away quickly and then back again to meet her eyes. She smiles and I remove my boxers and throw them to her for her to catch. I then attempt my version of a swan dive and disappear beneath the jello. After 30 seconds of wondering when I will re-surface I startle Pamster by surfacing directly in from of her. She smiles and I politely ask her if I can have my polypro boxers back.”

“Unbelievable?absolutely unbelievable.”

“Nothing like a good cheap set of polypro boxers! Ahhh, a man after my own cheap heart.”

“Yes, but where is WEASEL and his scuba gear?
Just THINK what HE could be seeing under the surface of the Sea of Incredulity!
Nomad, aren't you sorry you went to Dallas?”

“oooooooooo....SCUBA gear. Now this could get really interesting.”

“I place Frankers cheap polypro boxers firmly on my head. Turn to the crowd and ask, "is this as attractive as mel sporting Explorer's speedos?"”

“Suddenly, the area is surrounded by police officers. A helicopter circles overhead. Everyone is ordered out of the jello. Larry and Oreo seem oblivious to the situation and continue to happily feast on Dr. Jones remains.

The officers, move toward GB. With nowhere to run he submits to the handcuffs. Two of the largest male officers force him to the ground and hold him there with a boot on his neck. Slowly and methodically they apply their nightsticks???.GB starts to scream.

The remaining officers, male and female, order everyone back into the jello while at the same time removing their uniforms.

Landing nearby, the doors of the chopper open, revealing a cargo of ice cold beer, steaks and pizza.

Everyone piles into the jello, somebody for everybody.

I smile. Love a good plan. Now the party's rockin”

“Nigal enters the party late (of course) and wordlessly strips to his old fart style swimming trunks and slides into the green gelatinous mire. After a moment he smiles and exits the pool. Suddenly the Jell-O feels a few degrees warmer. Putting his clothes back on Nigal bids everyone a good evening. LOL!”

“Lt. Dan arrives late (damn CIA map was wrong)lights a fine El Rey Del Mundo and slides in. After a moment he comments on how pissed the Chinese people down the block seemed when he barged into their house looking for the Jello party.”

“Freedom slurs out: Lt. Dan!!!!! Lt. Dan!!!!! You saved my life so now I must save yours... Have I ever shown you where I got shot in the "Buttocks"? It hurt greatly.”

“A Blackhawk helicopter with MEDEVAC markings starts circiling, its SGT R0ck looking for lost land navigation students. Rappels out with a radio blaring "Smoke on the Water" and joins the Jell-O fest!”

“Geez Nigel!!! Now we have to clean the pool again! You sure know how to spoil a "moment".”

“Sorry I can not swim! *BAG* Bustin a gut.”

“lizs winks at Nigal as he leaves and thinks, "Yes, premonitions told me it would have been an inopportune time to put an old swimsuit on my head. THANK GOD!!!'

And adds, "Where's Explorer!?!?!?"”

“The roar of an army helicopter finally rouses Explorer from his long nap. Having finally slept off his hangover, Explorer awakes to see Sgt. ROck, dressed only in a camouflage thong and rapel harness, rapelling out of the chopper directly into the pool. He files that away in his "never seen that before and probably never will again" file, rubs the sleep from his eyes, and rejoins the party.

The female cops who were harassing Gentle Ben have removed their uniforms to reveal that they are actually the Swedish Bikini Team in disguise. Now they are frolicking in the pool with Weasel, who is seriously outnumbered but doesn't seem to mind.

Explorer waves hello to Freedom, who is still wearing her Iowa sweatshirt, but is naked from the waist down and displaying her rear end to Lt. Dan, who seems to be taking a more than academic interest in said posterior. Meanwhile, Pamster, who is wearing naught but a pair of polypro boxers on her head, is being chased around the pool deck by Franker, whose name seems especially obscene in these circumstances. In all, the scene is one of such nudity and debauchery that it makes the Playboy mansion look like a sewing circle.

Explorer grabs a few jello shots from the bar (fresh, not from the pool) and takes one over to lizs. "Hi," he says, handing her a glass, "I hear you were looking for me?"”

“Knock, Knock.
Excuse me.
My car broke down out front and I was wondering if I could use your phone to call a tow truck. I'm late for a....
OH WOW!!!
Is that...lime green...Jello?
It's my absolute most favorite flavor of all time.
Ummm...mind if I ummm... join you till the tow truck comes?”

“Great story so far Explorer, except I would be performing a totally professional exam, and thanking God for the Baggy shorts. As for Rock rappelling in a thong, did any of the other people wince when they read that?”

“I did, Owch!”

“Sorry I'm so late everybody, I was busy lobbying on capitol hill for the execution of all gun owners.



Fading memories of a hormone fraught 13 year old boy with his first can o' vaseline invade my memory as I wade into the sensuous green jello and begin to talk to the swedish bikini team. Nigal thanks me repeatedly as I offer lime green jello as a solution to his thigh problem.”