Hey Crackhead!

“My cousin sent me this. I did not write it.

Hey Crackhead
Date: Sat Mar 27 15:36:01 2004



Yes, you. You sick #&%!$er. On Wednesday morning I emerged from my girlfriend's building by U.N. Plaza to find that you had sawed the tops off both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. At the time, I had no idea why anyone would do that. Other than the sparkplugs, the bike was untouched. Some kind of bizarre vandalism? A fraternity prank gone awry? I had no idea. All I knew is that I looked like a huge douchebag riding the Muni to work in a padded motorcycle jacket and helmet.

Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticket that night. Thursday I had it towed to the shop ($45) where they replaced the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor). They explained to me that "people" - I use the term loosely here - like you break off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack. As an engineer and former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this is kind of cool. But then I remember that I just paid $100 for YOUR crackpipes, and I get angry again.

Crackhead, it was really good to have my bike back though. I rode home from the shop with a couple of spare sparkplugs and a smile on my face. I figured the next time I parked at my girlfriend's place overnight I would have to buy some crackpipes and tape them to my bike as a peace offering. Overall, I wasn't that upset. Despite having to ride the bus for three days and dropping a hundred bones at the shop, I had gained some fascinating knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funny anecdote about how #&%!$ed up you are, and how our paths once crossed briefly in the night.

But you couldn't just let sleeping dogs lie, could you Crackhead. You couldn't just stay in on Friday, watch Letterman through the window of a home electronics store and then call it a night. You couldn't rest on your laurels. Two porcelain sparkplug crackpipes just wasn't enough for you, was it Crackhead? You just had to come back for more.

This morning, a scant fifteen hours after I rode it out of the shop, I found my motorcycle violated once again. This time you only took the right one - maybe you were having an off night. At least this time I had a spare sparkplug and the tools to fix it - or so I thought - having ordered a 73-piece toolset from SEARS.com last week. But no, the sparkplug socket in my new toolset was for American sparkplugs. So I had to go down to the neighborhood Ace hardware. They had an 18mm socket that would fit over my sparkplug, but it was for a 1/2" drive ratchet. My toolkit only has 1/4" and 3/8" ratchets. So I had to buy a 1/2" ratchet along with the socket. Even though the clerk took pity on me and gave me the senior citizen discount (I'm 25) it still cost me $22 all told. Now, you might say that I should have just gotten a 3/8"-to-1/2" drive adaptor instead of springing for the whole ratchet. And to that I say "Shut the hell up, Crackhead, I'm not finished. And besides, I was eventually going to buy a 1/2" ratchet anyway so it's probably not worth it to take it back now."

OK, now I'm rambling. But the point is, Crackhead, that you have done me wrong. Now, I get that you love crack. That is totally understandable. I've heard it is really fun, at first, and quite addictive. What I don't understand is,

YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON'T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE?

I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for a calculator and sliderule? No, you don't. Because engineering is the main thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thing you do is crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must clown on you non-stop. I mean, the #&%!$ing saw you used to saw off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why not sell or trade it for a crackpipe? You really haven't put much thought into this, have you?

Please, Crackhead, please don't tell me you sold your crackpipe to buy crack. Even a stupid crackhead such as yourself couldn't possibly be that stupid.

I've decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would be tantamount to appeasement. You have crossed a line, Crackhead - specifically California Street. You have come onto my own street and you have desecrated that which I hold dear. You have stolen from me, and you have caused me to spend the last half hour writing this post instead of engineering #&%!$, and it is concievable, if not likely, that my boss could find out about this and fire me. I am hella pissed at you dude.

Here are my options as I see them:

1. Write a note saying that I have coated both of my sparkplugs in rat poison and tape it to my bike at night. You can thank Tim for that one, it was his idea.

2. Don't write a note, but just coat both sparkplugs in rat poison. This is probably closer to a punishment that would fit your despicable crime. I'm sure this is super illegal and #&%!$, but it's not like anyone is going to miss you, Crackhead. Don't fool yourself.

3. Wait in an alley near my bike armed with my new stainless steel mirror-finish Ace Professional brand 1/2" drive socket wrench, my 18mm sparkplug socket, and my searing rage. It's pretty heavy and well balanced. I am not a large man, but I am angry.

In conclusion, Crackhead, why don't you just do both of us a favor and buy yourself a crackpipe? It will both enhance your crack smoking experience and save me a lot of time and felony assault charges. Think about it.

Sincerely,
XXXX

*** If you are not the Crackhead that took my sparkplugs, please disregard this posting ***”

“Well, are you the crackhead or not?”

“What was Limbaugh doing at the UN?”

“My cousin thinks that with the references to the "Loin" it probably happened in San Francisco, lol...

No, I am not the crackhead.”

“Maybe he heard about that program, 'Oil for Oxycontin'”

“That's funny as hell! My favorite part...

"I am not a large man, but I am angry."”

“Anyone want to buy a saw?”

“LOL! well i guess he TOLD that crackhead!”

“The crackhead somehow had the tools to break the porcelin stems and pop the metal lead out of the sparkplug but couldn't find some kind of pipe to smoke out of???

Those crackheads don't seem to be thinking straight!”

“I tell ya, they just don't make crackheads like they used to...”

“crackhead.”

“Am I the only one that doubts said crackhead has an e mail account to recieve this message?”

“ROTFLMAFO AT TILT!

I'm gonna try this when I get home, with one of my NGK's BR9ES plugs. Not for crack though, but maybe a "one hitter" to give to my schmee-head friend...

Reminds me I gotta get working on my "beaver walking stick" too, before the ithaca trip.








ps good story bit ..”

“lmfao - that's great bit

Nigal - don't you think the violated intends to tape a printed copy to his bike?”

“This story cracks me up ! !

lyra, how's the motorcycle running?”

“"Nigal - don't you think the violated intends to tape a printed copy to his bike?"

Ah! True! It would be more effective if he taped a letter onto the basehead's dead, cold body for his other buddies to find in the alley. LOL!

Ya don't see pot heads doing this stuff...but then again, they are too lazy to be motivated to steal. LOL!”

“the motorcycle is GONE!! :-D

he even sold his helmet and jacket and everything. but i think he'll probably get another one eventually. he needed a down payment for our new car! it kicks ass.”

“What'd ya get? Whatd ya get?”

“An Aztek?”

“welllll, it's a 2000 Pontiac Grand Prix. but it looks like it's never even been sat in before! Tarpy did have a rule at the beginning that there was no eating in the car, but that was overruled pretty quickly! it's a lot better than our old piece of crap cars, and like 10 years newer, LOL.”

“i'm getting used to my parents' Aztec, LOL! i don't even feel like puking when i look at it anymore.”

“Well that's a plus.”

“"....did have a rule at the beginning that there was no eating in the car, but that was overruled pretty quickly!"

Big back seat, huh? >8^P”

“LOL @ MARKO!!”

“LOL @ MARKO!!”

“eewwwwwwww
;-)”

“I couldn't help myself >;^O”

“Police: He hit the water, then the crack pipe

BY SAMUEL BRUCHEY
STAFF WRITER Newsday

He had been chased by police for miles through North Patchogue early Friday. His car had slid over an embankment into a pond. It was sinking fast and filling with water.

But all Yaysn Abdul-Mattin wanted to do, police said, was suck on his crack pipe.

"We kept calling out 'Get out of the car! You're going to drown!'" Suffolk Police Officer Armand Reyes said. "But the only thing we heard was the sound of his lighter going click, click, click."

When the water rose chin-high, Abdul-Mattin dropped the pipe and crawled through a shattered rear window of his 1989 Lincoln, and was arrested for driving while impaired, Reyes said.

<snip>”

“Damn, he dropped a perfectly good crackpipe? No wonder they are always sawing the tops off sparkplugs.”

“Winnipeg makes crack smoking safer

Social workers in Winnipeg have begun handing out “high-quality” crack pipes and instructions to addicts on the city's streets, part of a harm-reduction strategy put in place by local health officials.

The program is modelled on one in Toronto and comes decades after Winnipeg began giving injection-drug users clean needles in return for dirty ones.
<snip>
Using makeshift or poorly-made crack pipes can cause oral cuts or burns. If shared, these pipes can also help spread blood-borne diseases, particularly if the group includes drug users who also sell sex. The transmission of both hepatitis and HIV is a concern in such a situation, Dr. Fast said, describing the grim scenario of a pipe passing from mouth to mouth, repeatedly coming into contact with bleeding lips and cracked gums.

Winnipeg's new harm reduction strategy – dubbed the ‘safer crack use kit' – is designed to minimize these dangers. It is intended for use by a single person only and includes a good-quality glass pipe less likely to injure users. It also includes metal screens, alcohol swabs (for those users who do end up sharing), pipe cleaners, matches, lip balm, at least one condom and information about where addicts can get help. It also includes instructions on how to use the kit.
<snip>”

“They should have named it Safer Use Crack Kit, then the acronym would have been SUCK. You should have picked up on this, Violin. I may have to re-think about who my roles models are going to be.

During my last tour in the Coast Guard the Family Programs branch in HQ came up with a policy that created a Family Advocacy Response Team, naturally with the acronym FART. It became established policy, written into the manuals etc, but no one every used the acronym.”

“TRENTON -- An alleged crack addict with nervous bowels was charged yesterday in a string of burglaries, in several cases leaving feces in the homes he robbed, according to police.
[...]
The prosecutor said Woodard defecated in four victims’ homes, including those of two policemen, but said the suspect didn’t target cops.

"He defecated in at least four residences," Bocchini said. "We’re certain it’s probably more from nerves than anything else, because when he was taken into custody, he also defecated, and that was in his pants."

Police transported the suspect back to headquarters "very carefully" Bocchini said, "on the hood" added chief county detective Al Paglione.

The deposits will actually serve as evidence, according to Paglione, who yesterday said police have collected samples of the feces to be tested for DNA.

"Now we’ll have something to compare it to," Bocchini added.

In two incidents, the suspect broke into police officers’ residences while they were at home asleep, Bocchini explained.
[...]

Full #&%!$ty Story”

“I knew that sh*t was no good.”

“Maybe he thought it was an exchange program?”

“Police arrested a man after he was found naked in a hot tub in Cumberland County.

On Sunday night, Upper Allen Township Police were called to a home following a call of a suspicious man. That’s where police found 49-year-old Richard Hedin of Mechanicsburg in the hot tub. Police also found Hedin had a crack pipe.

He faces indecent exposure, drug, and public drunkenness charges.

Hedin is currently in Cumberland County Prison.

http://www.whptv.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=d18573b0-1d42-45ce-9095-a461d6a460f9”

“life in ens's
scrotchy's
bobo's
sarge's
pennsylvania”