Just ask Bit

“Bit: As TT's smartest person I have decided to start an advice column. However, since I am far too busy to be whimsically posting to answer your trivial questions, I have decided to channel through various TT members. At the moment I am channeling through Snake Eyes because there is less interference in terms of existing brain activity. However, I may opt to channel through any one of you. If this is the case you will recognize my presence merely by experiencing the urge to post.

Snake Eyes: Yes, I think he's channeling through me right now. I am a little uncertain because it sounds like "Cartman's" voice and I always assumed that's how Nigal sounds. I figured Bit to sound a little more like "Woody Woodpecker." I'll do my best.”

“lol....

Actually I sound more like Satan.”

“Dear Bit -

This morning I drove in to work.
Did I do the right thing?”

“Wow!
I thought Nigal would sound like Cartman also!
Weird!”

“Damn right I want cheezy poofs.”

“Dhutch:


Magic Bitpusher ball says:

ASK AGAIN LATER”

“Bit

What is the meaning of 42?”

“Answer:


That's how old I will be on my next birthday.”

“Dear Bit,

What's my favorite color?”

“Dear Bit,
2 part question

1) How much Beer and wine and Vodka should I bring to Ithaca.

2) Can I trust Lumb, Roam, & Capn to not drink it all?”

“1) All of it.

2) No.”

“Either red or green, you can't tell which.”

“Bit
How much of snafu's beer, wine, and vodka should I drink?”

“1/3”

“LMAO @ the fave color thing!”

“Ha!

I was thinking maybe Yellow or Green Chartreuse (86 and 110 proof, respectively).”

“Should I take off this afternoon to tape windows and doors for spraying solid stain on Saturday?”

“I am a little uncertain because it sounds like "Cartman's" voice and I always assumed that's how Nigal sounds.

That's amazing you know how he sounds. Are you sure you havn't met him?


;)”

“No, my list of TT'ers I have met includes only the Bookends (oldest and youngest), Nowslimmer and Simer190. I don't dare meet anymore.”

“Bitpusher is not sure exactly how making audio tapes of your doors and windows will help, but if you feel froggy, jump.

Also, if the stain is already solid, how do you propose to spray it?”

“Dear Bit:

What does a frog sound like when he gets a frog in his throat?”

“Bit: Same way a cat sounds when it's eating....”

“

_{Hmmmmmmmmmmm...}





oh”

“"Dear Bit -

This morning I drove in to work.
Did I do the right thing?"

Asking later :-)”

“Was work hurt badly?”

“HA!

That's why I love you bit.

Not visibly, but there may be internal bleeding”

“If you intended to kill work, then driving into it was bad because you didn't succeed.

If it was an accident, then driving into work was still bad, because you may have opened yourself up to a civil lawsuit.

If I were you, I would try to avoid work the next time you are driving. I'm sure work will appreciate that as well.”

“Work's for me (not).”

“Dear Bit,

All this talk of things being 'bad' has me wondering....

What's the deal with this 'Good vs. Evil' routine?


sign me.... 'On the Fence'.”

“You do realize all that wrestling stuff is fake, right?”

“My older brother doesn't think so (but he also thinks Hitler was "misunderstood".”

“This explains the Middle East, too!”

“Dear Bit, can you suggest a easy way to "get rid of my boss"



and can you give me a good lawyers name in case Ithaca gets out of hand and I need to bail treebeard out of jail.”

“Dear Snake Eyes,

Please see this FAQ on Godwin's Law. Thanks.”

“1) Obtain a photograph of your boss, scan it in, and using Photoshop, modify the photo to make it look like your boss is committing an illegal indiscretion with a child. You can then either A) blackmail him/her into quitting or b) mail it anonymously to the New York Post.

You didn't specify the legality, ethicality, or morality you required, and I know that guns are hard to come by where you live, plus I figured you probably didn't want to end up in the poky yourself, so there you go.

2) Daniel Webster.”

“Maple - If jail's good enough for Nowslimmer, it's good enough for Treebeard.

Bit - I read it and voted great (probably because it overwhelmed me).”

“Dear bit,

What do you think is the closest solar system (beside our own) that has intelligent life? Do you think they have TrailTalk and a Matt, the webmaster?”

“Yah, a lot of Internet history in there, and if you have never heard of Usenet, it's lost on you.”

“Dear Bit:

If I bought a 12 pack while hanging out with Arky, dayhiker and Cocoa Williams, and arky drank 3 and dayhiker drank 2 and Cocoa Williams had 4; how many would I have left when stalker showed up?”

“Trick question, everyone knows you never buy less than a 30-pack.”

“There is no conclusive proof that intelligent life exists anywhere, even in this solar system.”

“Dear Bit:

Will lumber and Bobo notice if I drink their share of snafu's booze? If they do, what should I tell them?

thanks”

“1) Yes.

2) Don't worry about that, you'll be too schnockered to reply after you finish your part of snaf's booze.”

“Bit - can you explain to me how the international dateline works?”

“Sure, no problem.

You just call 1-800-ITLDATE, give them your credit card number, and within seconds you'll be talking to a beautiful woman from an exotic foreign land! Only $22.49/minute!”

“Dear Bit:

What lottery numbers should I play in Saturday's Powerball drawing?”

“Easy, the winning ones.”

“What's the sharpest thing in the world?”

“A bag of hammers.


People keep telling me I'm "As sharp as a bag of hammers" so I figure that must be pretty sharp.”

“Dear Bit,

Why did the chicken cross the road?”