The Hitch-Hiker

“Hitch-hikers always have a story. I used to hitch hike, because I was young and broke. Pretty dull.

The guy I picked up today was in his late twenties heading to North Carolina to pick up his kids. He and his wife were from North Carolina, but moved to Missouri and bought four acres. The wife left one day with the three kids, ages 6, 3, 1. The ride says that according to Missouri Law that is kidnapping and she will be arrested tommorrow. Blah, blah, blah, who cares.

Besides the stink these dudes are living a live I cannot relate to.

Anyone else got a hitch-hiker story? The dude had walked 15 miles since his last ride.”

“I picked up a hitchiker once in WV and gave him a ride to his work 10 miles away (supposedly his car broke down on the highway). Turns out the bag he had in the floor between his feet was full of sharp sharp knives...



...thank God he was a chef and not a murderer. True story.”

“i would pick you up miss anne thorpe”

“I picked up a chick that claimed she was a witch. She touched my knee and I turned into a motel.”

“cool savage”

“In Germany I picked up Hitch-hikers all the time.

Used to hitch-hike all around Europe, well, at least a lot of Europe. Was fun back then, well and cheap. Lots of great stories. nun shelters, cops, trucks full of fish, italian or french drivers. awwww. I really had a blast back then. Glad I have this time to remember. Never had any real bad experiences either. oh, not true...a couple times the throwed me out of the car because I wasn't playing their game. no biggy though, so I hitched another ride.”

“I've given hikers stuck in GSMNP rides several times. Some thru-hikers, section hikers, clean, dirty, whatever. They're either on the wrong side of the park and need to get to the other side, oe aat the top and need go into town or vice versa. It's just something I liketo do when I'm up there. It drives my parents berk when I tell them though. "They could be crazy people!" I've met a few of the trail freaks and these people aren't it.”

“Is that like a 'little' berzerk?”

“Just a titch.”

“I don’t pick up hitchhikers. It’s a bit too risky IMHO. I do stop and give people a hand when they break down though. Risky too, I know. I was driving down the interstate one day when I saw a couple guys walking the way I had just come. They just happened to be black. The exit was way back there and when I passed their van with Michigan plates I knew they could use a hand. I went back and picked them up. They were following another car back to D-Town and the first car had the gas card and they ran out of gas. The first car didn’t know anything was wrong and just kept on going. They had run down their battery too trying to restart it enough to make the next exit.

The sad thing is they had broken down at 5AM and it was now after 11AM. They had been there waiting for help for 6 hours and they had their wives and kids in the van. I know it is not the OSP’s job to help people who break down but they still do it, for white folks it would seem. I took the guys to the next exit and begged a jump start unit and bought a gas can of gas. We got the van going and I followed them to the gas station and filled their tank for them. They asked how they could repay me and I told them to help someone else who may need it.

I also seem to always be in the right place at the right time for crashes too. One time on my way back from Talladega (pronounced Taller-dager) there was a mass break check and a U-haul towing a car checked up and the car spun the truck and then it hit a suv and flipped. We slammed on the breaks and all I could say was, “Ohmagawd! We have to get up there! Ohmagawd! We have to get up there!”. So not even thinking I jump out in my bare feet and run across all the glass and debris and start climbing the chassis of the truck (picked up a nice 2” blister on the heal from the hot tailpipe). I got on top and opened the door and there was a mother, 2 kids a dog inside that looked like they had just crapped their pants. There was steam from the flip and they thought they were on fire. “Get us out! Get us out!” the mother screamed as she handed me the dog. WTF? I set Fido down and let him run around on top of the truck as I got the others out. They were fine but they had everything they owned in the truck. I felt so bad for them. I was shaking and strung out the rest of the way home.”

“What'd you do with the body, MAT?”

“I smell a sequal to Monster!

"Monster II...the riveting tail of a gay prostitute who kills hitchers because Mommy didn't hug him enough and Daddy hugged him too much. Coming this fall to theaters everywhere!"”

“I luv you Americans.”

“hey, did anybody see monster ?

any good?


i was thinking of picking up the DVD.”

“It sucked donkey balls. Save your money. You can rent the documentary at most video stores. It's much better. The movie is a dysfuctional lesbian love story with a bad ending.”

“i like dysfunctional lesbians though.

what's so bad about the film?

details man. details.”

“It was all about their relationship and little about the crimes and the investigation.”

“i take it there were no good make out scenes?”

“Christina Reechi is hot (don't know why she just is) but the other hag ruins any chance of a burning in your loins. Sorry.”

“charlize theron ?


she's wicked hot, too.

i guess that's why she was nomintated for awards for the flick.

whenever a hot chick plays an ugly broad they get nominated for awards.

kinda silly if you ask me. there's plenty of ugly people to cast. why make a hot chick look ugly?

don't even get me started on rebecca romaijn in X-men...”

“If you guys want to see a dysfuncional lesbian love movie I strongly suggest 'Butterfly Kisses'(Brit). Enjoy.

Also, for hitch-hiker stories, 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' is hard to beat. It's a tad slow for modern tastes, but the book series rocks big time.”

“one time I was driving (still a teenager) and it was snowing pretty heavily out and quite cold. A drunkin redkneck guy walked out in front of my car. I stopped and he walked up to my window. I rolled it down. He asked me for a ride and said he had no where to go but needed to go someplace warm. I declined to give him a ride and he started to become beligerent. I rolled up the window and started to drive away and he sat on the hood of my car. I kept driving and he fell off and then kicked my driver door.”

“In about '76 I got a rider from a ride board at University of Maryland.

I was bound for Boston and was close to dropping him somewhere in Rhode Island when a car with four white boys started harassing us over some dang flip-off or other.

Ian(pronounced Yan) was a BIG Lithuanian/American kid about 24.
Ian was about six feet tall and about 285, a former football player and, at the time, a shot-putter.
This dude had a nick of about 24 inches yet was really rather lean.

I was 6' 4" and about 185......I felt safe with Ian.

The jamokes in the other car yelled some threats.
Ian leaned what he could of his massive body out the window and with the gesture of a forearm like a ham, says, "OK".

We laughed as the jamokes cut a trail.

He probably could have rolled their car with them in it.”

“Oooops, heh, heh......that should be "neck" of about 24 inches”

“Good deed Nigal!

(and then on the next post, you show courage in admitting that you find a gay portitute's tail riveting! "riveting tail of a gay prostitute")”

“My best hitch hiker stories are from when I was hitch-hiking long ago. I got picked up by Orson Welles once and he drove me over to the Pacific Coast Highway, cuzz he thought it would be a more scenic hitch.”

“Whoa!!!

Who's gonna rivet some gay dude's tail?”

“Only time I can remember giving a hitch hiker a ride is when I took my brother to the airport before he left for Germany. There was a buck Private looking pretty desparate to get back to a town about 15 miles from where my mother lived. He was raised by his grandmother who had no way to go get him and he found out the bus would take a whole day to get him 100 miles. I was glad to get the guy home.”

“When I was 20 (and a lot less smart than I am now) I had to drive from Minnesota to Connecticut. I decided to go the north way around the Great Lakes and check out Canada. I picked up a hitch hiker somewhere up there assuming he'd need a short ride. Nope. Ended up taking him all the way to Toronto. He smelled pretty bad. And then while listening to the radio that day, I hear an announcement to not pick up and hitch hikers along the stretch of highway I was on because of some scary guy on the loose. Don't remember the details, but I got a little nervous. I had a small bag of lemon drops and a pack of cigarettes in the car, and I offered some to him. He inhaled all my lemon drops and my cigarettes. He said he had been traveling from Vancouver and it had taken him 2 weeks to get to where I picked him up.”

“I give hitch-hikers a ride if it looks like they are hikers or backpackers. I often hitch when I do long backpacking trips. Usually its not to hard to get a ride near the AT if you are obviously a backpacker.”

“note to self: if i want to steal another car, pose as hitchhiker along AT. ”

“I have a few times, once worth mentioning while between harvests operating a combine during 1976.

Even though I had a car parked at a friends relatives house in Portland, Ore., I decided to hitch-hike to see Glacier National Park, about 600 miles, and doubt I could have driven there and back much faster, about a day and a half each way.

Several of the guys (who had gone to high school together) I drove combines with that summer and also in 1977 had hitch-hiked out to there (we worked at Dayton, WA) from the Brockton, MA area. They made a contest of it with the rule of taking zero money, and the winner of the contest being determined by a combination of speed of travel weighted with the amount of money arrived at destination with. No thievery allowed, money was obtained along the trip either from donations (which many who pick up hitch-hikers will offer) or brief odd jobs along the way.”

“If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to want a margarita.

We had a little “tailgating party” over the weekend which included plugging the blender into the power port of the car and blending up some tasty margaritas. As I unloaded the car today, I noticed little mouse turds in an open box of cookies. Now where could a mouse have come from? How did he get in? Where is the mouse now?

The aroma of margaritas and Nutter Butters could have easily coaxed the little furry ba$tard out of Crash’s car (which was parked next to mine) and into mine. Another possibility is that the Coleman tent I grabbed out of my garage and put into the car contained a hitchhiker.

So as I gingerly unload and unpack the car, I consider the following question: When I take my car in to be cleaned tomorrow, should I tell the crew about my little hitchhiker?”

“i brought home a wasp in my tent”

“i'd take the wasp over the mouse anyday. shorter life expectancy. and when it does die it doesn't smell so bad.”

“Nowslimmer used to set mousetraps in his car at the trailhead because the mice would move in while he was on the trail.”