mean spirited political jokes

“No, we just hate rednecks up here.”

“Yet another mean spirited political joke shows up!
[VBG]”

“thats the dif BB...as a rule you have to work to PISS us off.

Oh BB...what exactly do you consider a Redneck? Trust me cooler cowboy, there are a HE!! of a lot of REDNECKS in rural North and North Central US
last edited: 7/07/06 1:50:02 PM”

“THREE THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:
1. COWS
2. THE CONSTITUTION
3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS



COWS: Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.




THE CONSTITUTION: They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.




THE TEN COMMANDMENTS: The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse........ You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians -- it creates a hostile work environment.”

“Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and bull#&%!$ with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed, Clueless




Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore.
You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one.”

“Stove - I posted the same joke to this thread back in May '06.”

“Good mean jokes bear repeating, LOL.”

“I have to admit, you told it better.”

“That gender hurdle is a massive and forboding obstacle to our status quo selves, Ah?”

“OH GOD!!!!> LOL”

“

Sure a little dated now, but still funny.”

“The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die."
whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Kennedy and Clinton would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, Clinton commented to Kennedy "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images." Kennedy couldn't help but agree.

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Kennedy's hand in his right hand and Clinton's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.

Finally Senator Kennedy spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

Amen" said Kennedy.

"Amen" said Clinton.

The old priest continued..."He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."”

“Kennedy’s Immigration Deform Bill sank like a ‘67 Oldsmobile.
last edited: 6/30/07 7:11:39 PM”

“Q. Why did it take 3 terrorists to drive a jeep-bomb into a terminal?

A. They decided to start carpooling to lower their carbon footprint.”

“LOL-They must have had that carbon footprint in their mouth.Terrorist like this have to be either dems or pubs, not even towelies can be so dumb.”

“Political jokes?

Hmmmmm, Ann Coulter comes to mind.


”

“A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on I-95 south, just outside of Washington. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?"

"About a gallon."”

“A libbie with BDS was bragging about his knowledge of state capitals. He proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A conservative says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The BDS libbie replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."”

“A dipchit White ass handicap Republican walks into a bar.

The bartender sez "We don't serve your kind here".

The dipchit White ass handicap Republican sez "Hey, didn't you notice my handicap sticker on my car?"

The bartender sez "Yeap, show did. Q told us about you trying to flip flop on your ideals. Beeeeytch, git the phuck outta here before I go to Hell for beating up on a one of those Whitey Republicans."

Moral of the story?

Special people need special treatment. Perhaps dipchit, Whitie Republican doesn't need any of that, or did he?”

“But a Black Republican would get your respect? So is that how they teach Openminded Thought in your ivy covered Temple to mediocrity?”

“was there a joke somewhere in q's rant?”

“I think we could easily put up EITHER party website and have a proper return for MEAN JOKES....(LOL)”

“How to save the airlines!


Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers!
What
the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party
atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in
this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary,
thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we
could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20%
of the tips, including lap dances and "special services."

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked
women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline
industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden
opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything
myself?


Sincerely,
Bill Clinton”

“Ha Ha, good one!”

“Bush is about as creative as,ah ,ah a creator.”

“Dang! I thought this was a thread about GOP presidential candidates.”

“One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he’d been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton .”

The Marine replied, “Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn’t reside here.”

The old man said, “Okay,” and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton”.

The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn’t reside here.”

The man thanked him and again walked away..

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton.”

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I’ve told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn’t reside here. Don’t you understand?”

The old man answered, “Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!”

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow.””

“Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.

“Kenneth.”

“And what is your question, Kenneth?”

“I have three questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And, Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?”

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, “Okay where were we? Oh, that’s right, question time. Who has a question?”

A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.

“Larry.”

“And what is your question, Larry?”

“I have five questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House? Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And, Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?”

“A stockbroker, on his way home from work in New York City, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems much worse than usual.

He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked,"Officer, What's the hold up?".

The officer replied, "Hillary Clinton is depressed, so she stopped Her motorcade and is threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set herself on fire. She says her husband has spent all her money and she's losing the Presidential campaign having lost big in Iowa. So we're taking up a collection for her".

The stock broker asks, "How much have you got so far?"

The officer replies "About 4 1/2 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."”

“What's the mean part?”

“She blocked his travels home.”

“Q: How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?



A: None. The invisible hand of the market will take care of it.”

“I heard that in Bob's Barr.”

“mapes still gives opie hell for some type of racial joke he posted. Beware the wrath of DORK.”

“ message from Wounded Knee being ignored”

“Come on Geo, I followed the rules here. If I was sent one about McCain and it was racy, I would have posted it as well.”

“WK's tall and skinny, but he ain't no Chappelle!”

“I hadn't seen that before. LOL.”

“So is this RACIST too?:

It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way. "

The golfer said, "So then why didn't you have them put on a straw hat and overalls?"

The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of 'em showed up for work drunk on moonshine, two ran off to marry their sisters, one of them tried to hump the 18th hole, and the other is running for President against GHWB.”

“No, because that's making fun of a white, southern stereotype. We're free to be made fun of anytime.
last edited: 8/06/08 2:07:28 PM”

“great. now nigal has to ignore wk, too”

“Why nigal?”

“because he family members on welfare, too

;-)”

“I gotta go with DORK and Geo on this one, let's skip the racist jokes.


For Mutt's question, the joke might be prejudiced or bigoted - but it's not racist. It doesn't deride a race. It also doesn't work on an attribute you are born with, but with attire one can chose.
last edited: 8/06/08 3:22:53 PM”

“That's an idea.

If you have one of those jockeys in your front yard, paint him up in John McCain's Air Force uniform,   ROF

And don't tell any fat jokes around Nigel.”

“Getting back to the thread title.....

How about a rightwing atheist?”

“Ah that's bad WK! Let's keep the robot jokes confined to Al Gore! LOL!”

“Boy tilt's on the rag tonight. Not gettin' any tilt? What, your sister go stay at your mom's for a visit? ”