Taking the long trip....Down the aisle

“Well, Im getting married a week from tomorrow. Everyone keeps asking but Im not nervous about doing it....However, I am terrified of our families meeting. Anyway- had to share that.”

“It's not so bad. Relax, how much damage can the families do in a couple days anyway?






Well, just relax and foget that question.”

“Just enjoy and let them figure it out!

Congratulations!”

“You deserve the best. Enjoy a long and happy marriage.”

“DON'T DO IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!11”

“Marriage is great! It is so awesome to live with someone who knows you so well it’s like you share the same mind (I came out ahead on this one folks!). I can’t tell you how many times my wife and I say the exact obscure thing at the same time or have picked up the phone at the exact same time to call each other.

Gotta go take out the trash now. Later!”

“Everyone should try it at least once.

Congrads!”

“Thanks everyone....And yes Chili, its not will any damage be done. It's more like how much? I have a loud crazy big catholic family- she has a small, reserved, conservative methodist group. Things could get interesting.”

“Just remember these few simple phrases.

1. Your right honey.
2. I'm sorry.
3. OK, I will stop and get directions.”

“Second what Nigal said. Its really scary sometimes when that stuff happens.”

“Thanks WK- Actually, that is almost the exact advice that her Dad gave me. I think his also included a "yes dear."”

“4. I don't remember.”

“A catholic wedding then? I think anyone who complains about Iraqi prisoners having to remain in the same position for up to four hours needs to go to a catholic wedding just once. HAHA!”

“5. Here's my credit card - feel free to max it out.”

“Forgot that one NS! Ha Ha

Fonsie, Marriage is great! I married my HS sweetheart 5 years ago. We are expecting in March and I can't wait.

The first 2 years were, at times, a bit rough. You guys will have em too.

Communication is key!

You guys going on a honeymoon?”

“First time she yells at ya for leaving the seat up go directly to the bathroom and piss all over the seat leaving it down.

"There. Better?"

And if she yells at ya for missing the bowl tell her with a straight face, "If G-d had meant for me to get every drop in He would have given me a 3' dick.". She'll either leave you alone about it or more likely she will require you to pee like a girl for the rest of your life.”

“Just pee in the backyard.”

“Be a man! Go for the sink!”

“No, Nigal, what you do is invite her to give it a try herself and see if she can get every drop in the bowl. If she does, then it becomes her new job!”

“No Catholic Wedding here...it's going to be outside, midday in Alabama summer time heat- the quicker the better. Yeah, we are going to San Jose del Cabo, on the Baja Peninsula. I like that Nigal....I could tell her I was trying to mask the stench from the disposal”

“Sweet vacation site!”

“Those phrases rally need to be amended:

1. You're right honey, I could care less which dress you should wear.

2. I'm sorry, I refuse to answer that question because it's a no win situation

3. OK, I will stop and ask for directions, when you stop waking me up to ask "are you awake?"

4. Yes, dear, I am a slob compared to you. Your point?”

“Those are good BM. I especially like #2”

“Won't be married very long with those responses.

Always remember these following guy rules:

1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolate" which, by the way, is pronounced Chock-A-lit not Shock-Ah-lahhht. That is gay.



2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.



3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.



4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother,father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.



5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.



6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULL#&%!$. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)



7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.



8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.



9. #&%!$ing about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.



10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.



11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.



12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.



13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.



14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.



15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. If you own a sleep sofa or live on the second floor it is pizza and beer. If you own a sleep sofa and live on the second floor it shall be eaten inside a restaurant.



16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.



17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant dick-heads --- low-level sports bonding is all the law requires.



18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.



19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.



20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.



21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.



22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.



23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.



24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weightlifting:



"Yeah, baby, push it!"



"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"



"Another set and we can hit the showers."



" Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"



25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.



26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.



27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.



28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.



29. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.



30. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "#&%!$ OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.



31. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just friends" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.”

“LMAO! Not sure about #12, though.

And I will not marry a woman who wouldn't take kindly to my responses.

Especially the wake up s***! I have a hard enough time sleeping, wake me up and I may be up for the night. I don't care who wakes me up, It will get ugly! ;)”

“Unless you provide some extreme excersize to help me back to sleep, of course.”

“You like those bear. My best man framed a copy of these for me before I got married. Got it hanging in the last space I can call all mine.

The Garage!”

“I think I like WK's better.”

“Before I read Dr. harley, tt, I need to know if the Dr is married and how many times?”

“Don't let her hear you sayin that.

Just remember,

I don't know what you are talking "about, sweetie."”

“"5. Here's my credit card - feel free to max it out."
techntrek
10:28:29 AM
07/30/04

Obviously a woman posting this.”

“bearmagnet - "Dr. and Mrs. Harley have been married for 40 years and live in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. They have two adult children, who are now working with them as marriage counselors, and four grandchildren." Full bio here.

After 6 years of what we thought was a great marriage we read his books and followed all his rules, and now a year and a half later our marriage is even better.

wounded knee - nope, I'm a guy. That was a satirical posting!”

“BAUGH!!!!!!!

Sorry man. I figure I pegged that one.”

“Get out of it quickly.
















Seriously, all the best.”

“Seriously though, there goes your eligibility for the HMWHC!”

“All married guys should start the HMMWHC
He Married Man Woman Hater Club!

Bitpusher for Prez!”

“OH MY!

Who get to be vice?”

“I didn't marry a man!”

“Whoa...sorry Bit. I just read into that trip you took to San Fransisco. Kidding.

We could have an open call for Vice Prez.”

“Actually it sounds more like I married both, lol...

Not into that either, BTW...”

“If you listen to Rick Santorum, sounds like you are headed down the long path to bestiality, incest or worse....”

“good luck and congrats!”

“gracias”

“Beat yah by 19 years, sheesh I`m getting old!!. Wouldn`t trade it for nothing period,love her more now than I ever have!! She is one awsome babe!! Congrats!!”

“I've been married once, divorced once. Personally, I don't get it. It's a very stressful thing to put yourself into and I never want to do it again. I've been with the same woman now for 8 years and we don't plan to actually marry. Thank God she feels the same as I do.
If ya go through with it then I wish ya the best of luck but I'll never understand the point in leagally bonding youself to someone.
Weddings & divorces ain't cheap.”

“Good luck...err, I mean congratulations!”

“Marriage? How utterly terrifying!”

“Like most of life, marriage is a roller coaster of emotions and you get what you put into it. Challenging yes, but rewarding? you betcha!

Now boys? Sometimes I wonder. ;-)”

“Wow paddles, 19 years. Yeah it is definitly exciting in the truest sense of the word ( loss of ability to sleep, bodily functions etc.) but I wouldnt call it terrifying....at least not yet.”