Dating Tips

“Four signs she's high maintenance
By Marcia Jedd

Most men have been there. Many won’t admit they’ve been there: involved with a high-maintenance date or girlfriend. You can run from a high-maintenance woman and you can hide, but your best chance of going unharmed is to avoid her all together.

“Once I get a whiff of one, I steer clear,” says Brian, 40, an advertising manager in Omaha. Ross, 43, a consultant in San Francisco, found that he hasn’t attracted one in recent years. “I really don't date high-maintenance chicks as a rule.”

To avoid them, you’ve got to know how to spot them. Consider these tips on spotting the classic high-maintenance woman:

High H.B.A. factor. Rookie observers, remember the H.B.A. acronym (which stands for “Health, Beauty & Accessories”). As in, obsessed with H.B.A. Scan the latest trendy store, restaurant or bar and you’ll spot high-maintenance women easily in their natural habitat. Ground zero for the high-maintenance species are beauty salons, malls and occasionally, the health club. (Yes, female gym rats can be high maintenance, although scientists say it’s a rare occurrence.) Is she dressed to the nines at the grocery store? Is she sporting full-tilt makeup and big hair at the health club when other women are in sweats and no makeup? Look closer and you’ll find what constitutes high-maintenance is as varied as her patchwork quilt or designer bag, her intricately painted toenails or her voracious appetite for beauty treatments.

Emotional insecurity. High maintenance women can be as insecure as a lost toddler. They can freak out if you even so much as give an extended glance at another woman, among other indicators of emotional neediness. Her neediness often requires her to control and direct your behavior.

Controlling. Is she always instructing you to call her or sets rules around things? (Example: “Call me at work tomorrow at 2 p.m.”) Worse yet, she might express anger or manipulate you to get you to do what she wants. A range of ploys such as her demands to call frequently, fix-it items, and transportation needs (“Can you pick me up?”) are all ways to keep you on a short leash or otherwise attempt to control your behavior.

Communications. Guys, if she talks like this, run: “Like, oh my God, I was on the way to the mall and…” (At your own risk, remind her that “Valleyspeak” went out in the 1990s with Frank Zappa.) Pay attention to what she talks about for it’s the critical indicator of what might – or might not be – going on in her brain. Is it all about her, shopping and her friends? Chances are you have a high-maintenance girl on your hands. I say “girl” because rarely are mature women really that high maintenance. If they are, they may be limited to the divorcée set, who brandish fake dark tans, fake body parts, overprocessed hair and enough bling-bling to make you squint.

And, if you still have doubts, consider these stories:

Look in the mirror. Make absolutely certain that you’re not the one crying foul. Could you be high maintenance yourself? Consider the case of Michelle, now 42, who a decade ago broke up with a serious boyfriend, Jeremy. They had dated a year and a half and Michelle graciously declined his proposal for marriage and broke it off. “He accused me of being a materialistic you-know-what. Guess he was pretty raw, even after I told him not to buy an engagement ring.” Michelle was never high maintenance. She drives an older car that’s paid off, makes her own coffee every morning and has owned the same home for many years.

The picnic test. If you have doubts about her high-maintenance level, put it to the test. See how she handles an impromptu picnic. Suggest casual food from the deli, a cookout, or wine, bread and cheese. Then, gauge her reactions carefully. Dirk, a Minneapolis marketing manager, didn’t discover he was dating a high-maintenance woman until it was too late. When he was in his early thirties, he dated twentysomething Jodi for a couple of years. “On our way to a picnic, we had to stop so she could buy a new outfit, out of my pocket of course, because the one she took an hour to pick out on her own wasn’t good enough for the picnic.”

That was the first “picnic incident.” The second one was even sadder. The couple had spontaneously decided to go on a picnic, so they stopped by a deli at a grocery store near a nice lake area. “When the clerk weighed each of our salads, hers weighed more. She stormed out saying that I made her look like a pig because I wasn’t eating as much as she was. Kinda nuts, huh?””

“Now, with more mayonaise!”

“I can spot a high-maintenance girl from 300 yards.”

“who cares...if you like her you like her if you dont you dont...maybe some guys want a high maintenance girl....


i of course dont but that just me...”

“Marcia doesn't have Clue Number One about Zappa, LOL”

“OHMYGOD! Where was this when I needed it? Been there, done that (done to me?).

How true.”

“For some reason the concept of the 'high maintenance woman' always reminds me of the Mason Williams bit about "How To Derive The Maximum Enjoyment From Crackers"

You know that one? I have it here somewhere....”

“I know two guys who just ended relationships with high-maintenance girls. It can be quite subtle how that works. In both cases, when the guys tried to go on a vacations without them, it really brought out the controling instincts and selfishness. It was really all about them and their needs.

In fairness, it can work both ways. Guys can be high maintenance also. I know one case of a high maintenance guy right now. He learned it from his mother.

I thank God that I am not married to a high maintenance woman.”

“Tilt you sent me to google to find the bit (I get curious about these things).

http://www2.corvallis.k12.or.us/chs/staff/curtise/how_to_derive.htm”

“Funny!




Terrible, but funny!”

“Cool --- I didn't know it was on the net anywhere (I should've known, huh? <G>)

Yes, I'm sure it can work both ways... And before you get any ideas, I'll save you some trouble and say I prefer Bleu Cheese, LOL

"What is the meaning of this ridiculous tableau?"
”

“I did find the version I typed up a while back. This is the way it appeared in the book -- (maybe, <G>) ----


HOW
TO
DERIVE
THE
MAXIMUM
ENJOYMENT
FROM
CRACKERS


        Speaking man to man, the most important element in deriving the maximum
enjoyment from crackers is the choice of a companion to help you enjoy them. She must be someone whom you admire. A beautiful woman, elegant and accustomed to sophistication, a woman whose company is a challenge to enlist, a woman that's hard to get.
        In approaching the companion that is going to help you enjoy crackers, it
is best not to tell her of your intention; let it be a surprise to her. Be charmingly mysterious, saying only that you are going to do something currently different. If she accepts your invitation, proceed in making the following arrangements.
        Reserve two hotel rooms for the same night in two different hotels; one a
single room in a skid-row flop house, and the other, a suite of rooms in the finest hotel in town. If you do not own an expensive car, make arrangements to have one at your disposal for the evening.
        On the day of the occasion, a few hours before you are to pick her up,
purchase several heads of lettuce, romaine, endive, fresh spinach, etc.; several pounds of fresh ripe tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, olives, green onions, and so forth. In other words, whatever ingredients you would choose to make an attractive salad. Finally you must also purchase five gallons each of the following dressings: Roquefort, French, Russian, Thousand Island, and Vinegar & Oil.
        Take these ingredients to the room at the skid-row flop hotel. Pull back
the covers on the bed and make a four or five inch layer of salad that covers the entire surface of the bed, tossing the salad well with your hands. Pull the covers back over the salad and remake the bed. Be sure there is no salad on the floor. Place the twenty-five gallons of dressing in the closet.
        With the above accomplished, proceed to dress for the evening. Dress as
though you were a waiter or a wine captain in an expensive restaurant, but leave some doubt as to whether or not this is what your attire really suggests. The doubt is, of course, a personal matter. When you are dressed, and all of the necessary arrangements have been made, proceed to pick up your date.
        When you call for her, create an air of wistful mystery. However, try not to
make your mystery dark and ominous; keep it light and taunting. If she asks you what is planned for the evening, it is very effective to look into her eyes, smile faintly, but say nothing, then look away.
        Drive casually to the flop house. Make interesting conversation; keep her
wondering; answer her questions about what you are going to do with only' "You'll see."
        When you arrive at the flop house, take her quickly to the room you have
rented. Once inside the room, ask her this question: "By the way, what salad dressing do you prefer?" When she has told you, go into the bathroom and drape a small hand towel over your forearm (á là fancy waiter). Return to the room and pull back the covers on the bed to display the crisp green salad.
        One of the high points of the evening is now at hand. You must coax her
to lie in the bed. She may possibly reject such a notion at first, and may even attempt to leave. Reason with her adroitly. One of the finest points of argument to convince her that it is perfectly all right is "salads are good for you." If she is still hesitant, you can even go so far as to chide her for not being adventuresome. Whatever you do, get her in that bed; get tough if you have to, but get her in that bed!
        After she is in the bed, go to the closet and take out the five gallons of her
choice of dressing, and with great flair, pour it over her entire body. She will probably make some remarks like: "What is the meaning of this ridiculous tableau? Are you mad, you crazy son-of-a- bitch!" Enjoy them.
        When you have emptied the entire five gallons of dressing on her, snap
your fingers and say: "Crackers!" Begging her forgiveness, explain that you have forgotten the crackers. Tell her that you will have to run to the store, and for her to not move a muscle.
        Race out of the flop house, drive swiftly to a store and buy a small box of
saltines. Do not buy fancy crackers. When you have purchased them, drive to the fine hotel in which you have rented the suite of rooms . Go directly to you suite, place the crackers on the nightstand beside the bed, take your clothes of and get into bed. Turn the lights off, settle down, and nibble on the crackers one by one. You will derive a maximum enjoyment from them.



from THE MASON WILLIAMS READING MATTER
© 1964, 1966, 1967, 1969 by Mason Williams
Doubleday and Company -- Garden City, New York
Library Of Congress Catalogue Card Number: 69-20301
”

“Hmm. The formatting should be correct next time!

<grrr>





(No, Nigal... not those 'crackers'!)”

“Sigh.... Guess I am high maintenance...

NO Feta cheese?

I would prefer a Raspberry Vinegarette....

A nice Merlot would be nice...

and... Crackers on salad? Give me a break......”

“There wasn't much chance of finding Raspberry Vinegarette in 1964, I suppose, LOL”

“I don't have a problem avoiding high HBA's

LH - being picky doesn't neccesarily mean your high maintenance.”

“It seems to have escaped LHiker03 that the crackers never made it back to the room with the salad.

"Crackers on salad? Give me a break......"

I don't think the crackers would have been your big concern after about 10 minutes LH”

“Lee... Trust me... it didn't escape me.... You would have to come up with a better excuse than "crackers for the salad"... How about something original like.. say.."Going out for a pack of cigarettes (everyone still smoked in 1964)"... geeze.. give me some credit here! :-)

And... What would be my big concern be after 10 minutes? Desert? (Suggestion - Better than sex chocolate cake while someone else is eating crackers?)”

“But the whole point of the exercise is the enjoyment of the crackers..... <VBG>”

“For the record... (I went back and read this whole thread... I can really get myself in trouble sometimes!!) My high maintenance is in the salad department... Trust me.. if you saw me on the trail... You would NEVER consider me high maintenance!! LOL”

“Here are some of my tips for on-line dating. I took this from the Dating Sucks thread.


IMPORTANNT: Read Mars and Venus On A Date by John Gray, Ph.D.

In my experience, many people still follow more traditional roles in which the guy asks the girl out. That's not always the case, but it seems to pan out that way. So for the men, you probably still have to take more initiative.

When you post a profile, make sure to include a photo. There are so many people who use the services these days that if you don't post one, you will never get a single response.

In your profile be completely honest. If you are a couple extra pounds, say so. Then the people who go out with you know what to expect. I went on a date with a guy who said he was a couple extra pounds. In my mind, that means he's maybe a big guy, but not fat. I don’t have a problem with that. Well, this guy was way obese, actually waddled. He had to have been 400 pounds at least. We went to a movie and he literally had to squeeze himself between the arm rests. I am not going to judge his size, but the fact that he was so misleading really turned me off.

Be creative in writing your profile. In fact, try reading other same sex profiles to get an idea of what they're writing. Most people write pretty much the same thing. Of course you want to find someone who is funny, likes to take walks on the beach, yada, yada. Once you read one of those, you've read them all. If a guy could write a profile that was a little unique, that caught my eye.

Another biggie for me was this: Most of the services give you the option of posting a profile for free or of subscribing. The difference is that when you subscribe you can email other members as opposed to just "wink" at them. You should always subscribe. The men who winked at me hoping that I would email them back (I was a subscriber) looked cheap and lazy to me. If they guy can't expend a little effort and $20, then I'm not interested.

When you send an email to someone, put a little thought into it. Read their profile and respond to something they wrote. Pay them a compliment. But don't necessarily try to be their perfect match right away. Here's what I mean by that: I had some men respond to my profile by agreeing with everything I wrote and they gushed about how they loved exactly everything I did and how we must be a perfect fit. Gag me.

When someone responds to your email, don't waste a ton of time emailing or chatting back and forth. Go right in and ask them out for coffee or something. Face to face you get a much better feel for the person. And it's silly to expend weeks of time emailing/chatting only to find when you finally meet them that you aren't in the least bit interested. That gets way too exhausting.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Stay positive. There are so many fish in the sea. Be picky. Wait for the right one. Figure that you will click with 1 out of 10. So don’t plan big elaborate first and second dates. Coffee, walks, drinks (one or two) and other low cost options are the way to go at the beginning.

Sorry about this guys, but it tends to be that the guys pay. I always offered to at least help. On the first date I was always declined. But I think most women are still going to "let" you pay. So even more reason to make the first dates cheaper ones, like coffee or something like that. But if you like someone enough after coffee, by all means take her out for something a little more substantial next time. But don't go overboard. One guy took me downtown to a swanky restaurant. There were famous people all around us. We got fabulous service. For two steaks, two salads, one potato (shared), and a bottle of wine, the bill came to $160 without tip. I was flattered, but I still wasn't going to sleep with him on the second date. So you needn't go to that much expense.

One more big thing. When you get on the date, don't talk so much about yourself and all your accomplishments. I got bored very quickly with the guy who bragged about being a United Airlines pilot and how he traveled the world and made so much money or the architect who bragged about his buildings in Chicago or the guy from England who bragged about the racetracks around the world that he developed. Yawn.

Always, always, always google them as soon as you know their full name. One guy who sounded promising signed his email with his full name. When I googled him, I found out that he had just been released from federal prison for some major crimes. He had a very unusual, unique name, and in his email he referenced his line of work and hometown, which corresponded with the articles that pulled up so I am confident it was the same man. To get their full name, pay attention to their emails or to your caller ID if they call you. A lot of times unbeknownst to them, their full name will appear in the “From” line of the email.


Have fun!!!”

“For salads --- What about that trick of carrying sprouts in a plastic bag on top of your pack with a little water so they can 'sprout' while you hike? LOL



Well, I just did the google thing and I'm not a lawyer in Traverse City, Michigan... and I don't contribute to 'The Edge of Night' homepage.”

“check out my profile...I'll let you pay.”

“Doesn't always work Ruby. I've dated women who should have been in prison, but that wouldn't have shown up on a Google search.”

“True, Geo. But that process might eliminate some of the crazies.”

“That's why I never use the same name twice...”

“Stikmon: Cute. Where are the profiles again? But I'm taken. I used all my online dating tips and found an awesome man that way. :D”

“Oh my goodness....when I google my name, I get school pictures in 1971, 1975 and a reunion picture in 2000. Was I always this good lookin'? ;-)”

“ok dating again. So what do you ladies like to do on a date. Especially early on in relationship. The whole dinner and a movie thing seems so cliche, plus movies suck for first dates cause you don't talk. Any creative ideas.”

“Dinner and a #&%!$?”

“Y2 and bit are 'ladies'?
Dang! ;-)
Not that there is anything wrong with that.
last edited: 7/21/05 1:11:35 PM”

“We are just tryin' to help a brutha out!”

“Where is Ruby and div when ya need them???”

“Something cultural is always good. Art show, symphony, ect. Dinner is a plus. Hike in a public park is good.”

“OK, some actual advice:

From what I remember, asking her "What do you want to do?" is dating suicide. So, pick something you like and see if she can deal. If she can't she's probably not for you. If she loves it, you're in like Flynn.”

“So bit, you are saying that if you were single again, you would take your 1st date to Hooters? ;-)”

“I peed into Lake Michigan on the first date with my wife. She was totally impressed.”

“Was she swimming in the lake at the time?”

“Nope, just sitting checking out the arc of wiz.”

“lol, no, I'd let her sit and watch me play computer games incessantly for hours.”

“Whatever you do, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT take advice from any of the male posters on here. LOL”

“I don't know what you're try to say Em.”

“museums are safe.”

“Translation: All the guys on this board are idiots when it comes to women, and you'd have to be crazy to take our advice on them.


And to that, I must say


FREEEEBIRD! PLAY FREEBIRD!!!!!”

“No wonder they keep closing the beaches!”

“You got it bit, you really got it.”

“Carlette - ya really looking to go on a "safe" date?”

“Paintball? j/k

How about dinner at some small, maybe ethnic place? Maybe some sort of play or small live performance so that it's more of an experience instead of just sitting there watching a big screen. Something with an intermission so that you can interact and comment on what you've just seen.”