Tales of Homeland Security

“From the Pocahontas, WV, Times:

B-F-D Fire Department Receives Homeland Security Grant

Department of Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge announced last week that Bartow-Frank-Durbin Fire and Rescue will receive a grant of $167,317 from the federal Assistance to Firefighters Grant Program. B-F-D is one of three departments in West Virginia to receive grants in this 16th round of awards. The others are the Pond Creek Volunteer Fire Department in Belleville and the Mannington Fire Department.
The funds are to be used for operations and firefighter safety. The major part of the grant will be used to update and standardize the Self Contained Breathing Apparatus (SCBA) on all the company's trucks and at its two stations. The SCBA equipment presently in use has been acquired over many years and thus is not standardized. Depending upon which truck is dispatched, firefighters might have to use a type of SCBA that they are not properly trained to use. New equipment will solve this dangerous situation.
A new SCBA compressor station, used to fill the air packs, is also part of the project.
With grant funds, B-F-D also plans to purchase personal protective gear for the members of the company that are EMS only. At this time these people do not have protective clothing, although they can easily be involved in a situation, such as a vehicle extrication, that puts them in danger of injury.
The final part of the project is new cardiac monitor/defibrillators for B-F-D's two ambulances. The company recently purchased one and plans to buy the second with grant funds. It is hoped that the first purchase can be used as the 10 percent match that is required as part of the grant program.
The total amount to be distributed in direct assistance to firefighters will be nearly $750 million in approximately 8000 award. The 16th round provides $10 million to help local fire departments purchase firefighting equipment, fund firefighter health and safety programs, enhance emergency medical services, and conduct fire education and prevention programs. The total coming to West Virginia in this round is $313,747.”

“BFD...

Okay.”

“Al Qaeda staff meeting:

Osama bin Hidin: Okay guys, I have a new target, God willing.

Muslims wishing to die for the Jihad: Please tell us where we will meet our fate, enlightened one.

Osama bin Hidin: It's a little hamlet in West Virginia. We're going to crash a plane into the Cash and Carry store there. It will be our biggest attack ever, God willing.

MWTDFTJ: Right chief. What's a West Virginia?

Osama bin Hidin: It's a small place deep in the mountains. I just know that Bush is living in a cave there, just as we live in a cave in the mountains. He probably shops in the Cash and Carry store, so the idea is to try to hit it when he goes there for a six-pack, God willing.

MWTDFTJ: Oh, right chief. We're on our way.”

“Hey, it's gotta be helping already. They got Cat Stevens, right? Phuck Osama, we got Cat!”

“Wotta dumbass. He could have walked across the Mexican border without a problem.”

“Next on the list is Bruce Springstien and Eddie Vetter.”

“And Janet Jackson. I know that booby terrorized me!”

“Geez! They could have at least sent us a 'Thank You' note...”

“The only way into those towns is via two-lane US 250, two-lane WV 28, or a gravel Forest Service Road.

The National Radio Astronomy Observatory is about 10 miles down 28, and the BFD fire company has a small station there. I doubt that Osama has the observatory on his priority targets list though. Hardly anybody even knows the damn thing is there, and even less know what it does.”

“Just more pork for Robert Byrd D-WV”

“Funny Byrd story. A guy from my coverage area worked for the NRAO a few years back while they were building the Greenbank Telescope. Byrd got the federal funding for it and a gala celebration was planned. Joe worked it out so I was invited to cover the dedication, and before the dedication, they gave me a poster that showed the telescope and a barn that they use for storage.

The telescope, as with everything that Byrd gets funded, was named for the senator, and when he saw the poster, he was livid.

"What is that barn doing on the poster of my telescope?"”

“ALABAMA got $9990,000; second only to MARYLAND when the money was divied up...Alabama will use the money to upgrade the communications equipment in a communications center here in the state.......”

“There's another high-priority target for al Qaeda. Alabama been about the mostest importantest thing on Osama bin Hidin's mind, I bet.”

“There were people on this board a while back who were seriously contending that mining operations were prime terrorist targets.”

“All the mining operations in this neck of the woods closed down about 10 years ago. CSX abandoned its rail line to the mines. The line is now a tourist railroad.

But hey, maybe Osama's got an old USGS map, ya think?”

“Geez, if you guys had been paying attention during the RNC, you would have known that the name has been changed to Osama Bin Forgotten.”

“Or maybe he walked across the open Mexican border and became Osama bin to Vegas.”

“Don't remember, Kleet. I was in jail...”

“"Don't remember, Kleet. I was in jail..."
Treebeard

Yeah, with staples in his head too!”

“watch what they do, not what they say.....in other words.... exactly when will the money be in their hands? Year 2006? I don't trust anything this administration promises- do YOU?”

“Washington Post 9/18/04

We here at Names and Faces have maintained that airports are dangerous places these days -- we have Prince's bodyguard charging at a fan, Richard Simmons slapping a cage fighter, you get the idea. But now even bookmarks can cause calamity.

Because of a bookmark, Kathryn Harrington, a 52-year-old special education teacher from Laurel, faced the possibility of a criminal trial and a $10,000 fine. Last month, returning from a Disney trip with her teenage sons, she walked through Tampa International Airport's security screening with the 8 1/2-inch-leather strap, which had a lead weight at each end. This apparently caused distress for the Transportation Security Administration workers. They called their supervisor. Their supervisor called the cops. And Harrington was handcuffed, arrested, fingerprinted and popped into a police car. The bookmark was seized. The criminal charges were dropped but the fine is up in the air. Ay yi yi.

TSA spokeswoman Lauren Stover told us yesterday that "it is likely TSA will not pursue civil penalties. However, that determination will be finalized next week." Harrington's Tampa-based lawyer, W.F. "Casey" Ebsary Jr., told us that they're "pleased that [TSA] is going to do what we think is the right thing."

And oh yes, she has bought another bookmark, the only difference is she won't be flying with it anymore.”

“Terrorist strikes could happen anywhere. There would be a certain psychological impact if they struck in the Heartland. Fed money should be dispersed equally to the states.”

“Riiiight.

Same old argument. Blowing up a herd of sheep in Montana is going to be as attractive to al qaeda as hitting times square. Brilliant!”

“I would appreciate it if they did. Then maybe I could relax a little.

BTW - we are still at code Orange in DC. What has this cost the US At $750,000/wk? I've lost track.

Of course, they can't tell us about all the terrorists attacks they've prevented, right?”

“"Riiiight.

Same old argument. Blowing up a herd of sheep in Montana is going to be as attractive to al qaeda as hitting times square. Brilliant!"


The Republicans are counting on the sheep voting.”

“Blowing up a herd of sheep in Montana

Strawman. You're good at those. I didn't say anything about blowing up sheep. However, an office building in downtown Billings would be a shocker. How about simulataneous attacks in the three main pop centers in Montana? If they can hit us there, they can hit us anywhere....”

“How about Dubyas State? or would that not count as an attack against the US?”

“Texas is the northern-most Mexican state.”

“an office building in downtown Billings

I can tell you've never been to Billings.”

“We've talked about this.

Terrorists are looking for body counts that inspire fear. Sure they could blow up an office in Billings, but fewer people are going to panic about it because fewer people are in the immediate area. That same building with the same body count in manhattan or downtown Boston, on the other hand is more immediate to more people.

Yeah, terrorists could strike anywhere, but the use of homeland security funds should be to supplement the security for the most attractive targets.”

“NO, I haven't, kleetn. Actually, I'm for giving major pop centers more money, but "rural" areas deserve credible levels of funding without the whining of self-important city dwellers. So, slightly more for the big cities, slightly less for eveyrone else.”

“the most attractive targets

And how are we supposed to know which ones are the most attractive? NYC is already a police state. An argument could be made that that alone would lessen its attractiveness...”

“I'm not whinning about lack of spending, I'm whinning about too much spending and the paranoia of which can only be compared to "refer madness".”

“And how are we supposed to know which ones are the most attractive?

It's not rocket science. Wherever a strike can result in the most panic and chaos.”

“And simultaneous detonation of radiation bombs in the heart of the country wouldn't cause panic and chaos?

It may not be rocket science, but it ain't elementary mathematics, either.”

“It's not rocket science. Wherever a strike can result in the most panic and chaos."
DeadRush
09:15:53 AM
09/24/04


Quick! Send troops to Starbucks HQ!”

“Dirty bombs and a plot like that would be something we wold hope intelligence would pick up, no?

I'm not saying that we should leave rural areas without fund at all, but I think the current funding is unrealisticly slanted toward them.”

“I thought I saw Al Quaeda in Kansas. The dude didn't want to know how to turn the tractor off! He only wanted to know how to steer it into the feed store!!! RED ALERT!!!!!!!”

“hey! Knocking out Agways would ruin the economy of all the dying towns in the Midwest!”

“Bearmagnet, the comment about "whining city people" was directed at me from Mutt, I'm supposing. You see, it's been a few days since his remarkably quick changing menstrual cycle hit the "attack Treebeard" level. So, he was just seeing 'red' when he made that comment. Just wanted to clear that up for you...”

“Treebeard, can't you see? The whole emphasis of all terrorist activity has shifted to Montana, Kansas, and there are a lot of guys with beards in West Virginia. Homeland needs to shovel more money out to the midwest, in order to take advantage of this massive spending boondoggle before more fiscally responsible people get elected in DC.”

“He only wanted to know how to steer it into the feed store!!! RED ALERT!!!!!!!

REMAIN CALM. ALL IS WELL.

This message brought to you by the Ministry of Homeland Security”

“You're right, my portly little buddy, it was directed at you. You're not paranoid - everything is directed at you! You are my reason for existance!!!



Poor treebeard, still an attention whore...”

“Mutt hasn't seen any recent pictures of me, I take it...”

“This whole thing ain't a pretty picture.

I think Mutt has been spending too much time up a tree.

His thinking is decidedly squirrely.”

“You lost weight? Good for you! Now, whip that mapleleaf of yours into shape.”

“Hey, we all saw the picture of you being handcuffed. You look slim and about twenty years old.”

“Thank you Muttonhead. I've just emailed the mayor of Durbin, WV, and told him that the most world famous geopoliticist in the world is warning that an attack is imminent for Suebelle's Road House. Two old men with shotguns loaded with double-ought buck are waiting at the door on Code Red Alert as we speak. Them godless heathen ain't gettin nowhars in Durbin!”

“I heard he kicked the cop's ass too.”

“Mutt, just FYI: making comments about others' appearances without having your own picture posted is internet cowardice at its finest.”