I just want beer

“Bear ransacks kitchen, steals chocolate

DENVER, Colorado (Reuters) -- It's a tale of man against nature. A paralyzed man in Aspen, Colorado, lay helplessly in bed for two hours while a black bear known as "Fat Albert" went through his kitchen breaking dishes and looking for a tasty snack.

"I had 4 pounds (2 kg) of chocolate from a ski trip. He ate it all -- it's war," Tom Isaac said, recounting with a sense of humor how the 500-pound (230-kg) bear made himself at home at his house on September 20.

"I could hear things breaking for two hours," he said of the bear's "visit" to his home.

Isaac's bedroom was only about 10 to 15 feet (3-5 meters) from the kitchen, and he feared the bear would come in and attack him.

This time of year bears are busy fattening up before going into hibernation and residents in mountain towns often recount stories of rummaging bears.

In fact, Isaac, who has been paralyzed since a skiing accident in the early 1980s, says his home has been invaded nearly a half dozen times by the bear Aspenites call "Fat Albert."

"The next afternoon the wildlife agents found him sleeping in my dining room," Isaac said.

Isaac, who holds elective office as the Pitkin County assessor, said he does not want to see the bear shot, but he is worried about how the needs of residents can be balanced against the needs of wildlife.”

“My brother-in-law lives in the foothills of the Alberta Rockies and one day a black bear climbed into his garage through a window. Like a lobster in a pot, it couldn't get out and panicked and pretty much destroyed the interior of the garage.

There is only a partition door between the garage and the house and my brother-in-law stood (very) nervously in the hall with a loaded gun (I'd use the 12 ga., but I don't know what he was using) and his daughter upstairs.

The bear finally found its way out through a window. Luckily, the family's vehicles were parked in his lane.

When I was camping with the ex in the Alberta Rockies in the mid 70's I made the foolish mistake of stowing our cooler underneath a concrete picnic table. We would freeze goulash and spaghetti sauce and eat it as it thawed. My ex and I both like spicy food.

Anyway, we were raided by a bear and it opened the cooler, ate the balogna and butter, licked the meat sauce and goulash and left (friends claim that after tasting our cooking it left to give itself up).

What can you say when a black bear turns up its nose at your cooking?”

“I try not eat a lot of food. I just like beer.”