Deer Hunting

“Trust me there was some "damage" to the upholstry on the Driver's side too (LOL)”

“I saw the first hunter-orange painted cattle of the season this weekend.”

“How the #&%!$ could someone mistake a cow for a deer? If you can't tell the difference, you have no right hunting.”

“It's not that uncommon. A lot of city folk come out here on a lease and play great white hunter in the fall. I imagine most of the, uh, mistakes are alcohol fueled.”

“Oh heck Lumber, I had a friend in the "northeast" who had lost Horses, Cattle, a pig etc to "idiot hunters"

So one year he painted "HORSE" on all the Horses, "COW" on all the cattle (BULL on the bulls obviously) and "PIG" on the pigs.

Sure as heck he woke up the next morning and someone had shot the $hit out of his "John Deere" tractor (LOL)”

“They aren't painting the cows because of the people that no what they are doing. But there are a lot of people that don't, that still do.”

“They need to take their licenses away. One #&%!$ gives the rest of us a bad name.”

“lmao.....”

“Saturday I found out that the 10 pt whitetail that was shot in my field weighed 223 lbs, dressed out. That's a big deer for around here. Wouldn't want to eat it though:)”

“My buddies and I eat road kill. When someone hits a deer they usually call onbe of us.

A friend killed a nice buck while bow hunting and its neck was really swollen. I gues the rut has begun, although it's awfully early. Gun season starts Saturday and my stands are up.”

“I have known people to pick up car killed deer as well. In MI you have to request a permit to keep one.”

“A friend killed a nice buck while bow hunting and its neck was really swollen. I guess the rut has begun.

Kee-rist, I thought I had mumps.”

“Not deer but...



In this Oct. 13, 2009 photo, Kelly Holmin, age 12, sits on a bull moose after she shot and killed it on Gunflint Trail in Grand Marais, Minn. A Minnesota wildlife official confirms that Kelly Holmin, a 12-year-old girl is the youngest Minnesotan to kill a moose in the modern era. The bull moose had a 58-inch antler spread and weighed 1,100 pounds.”

“How is she going to eat it all heh heh? Great shot on her part. She should've had her weapon posed with the moose.....that would make the perfect hunting photo. Maybe they have others....”

““It's not that uncommon. A lot of city folk come out here on a lease and play great white hunter in the fall. I imagine most of the, uh, mistakes are alcohol fueled.”

I bet they carry SPOT beacons too.”

“By Keith "Catfish" Sutton

You've heard the old saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."
Well, that may be true, but some aged mutts like me are still able to learn a thing or two despite being disinclined to fetch or roll over.

I'll turn 52 this month, and the parts of my body that ache every day tell me that's definitely over the hill for me. Despite getting long in the tooth, however, I manage to absorb a few new tidbits of knowledge every year.

2007 was no exception. Consider these facts committed to memory during the 12 months just passed:



1. If your hunting buddy pulls up to a big mud hole in his new 4X4 pickup and states without hesitation, "That'll barely get the axles damp," then you should ask to exit the vehicle immediately for he is certain to bury the truck so deep the doors won't open.

2. A fire ant mound makes a very poor seat.

3. A nine-banded armadillo foraging in the dusky-dark deer woods makes exactly the same sounds as a grizzly bear.

4. The fine for shooting a nine-banded armadillo is $279.30 plus court costs.

5. If you have a hunting dog that exhibits a bad limp every other day, the problem can be simply resolved: sell the dog on the day it doesn't limp.

6. A snake that falls from an overhead branch into your fishing boat should not be immediately interpreted as a sign to abandon ship. Check first to see how many snakes are in the water.

7. Noodling for catfish is best done in water with a scarcity of alligators.

8. The best weeks to go hunting and fishing are those with a Friday in them.

9. Wearing a two-man cow costume designed especially for waterfowl hunters may help you get closer to the ducks on the farm pond you're hunting. But if you're the rear man in the cow suit, it is best to check the surrounding farmland for bulls before trying this ploy.

10. If you forgot to remove the bullet and powder from your muzzleloading rifle after your hunt, and you inadvertently put another load in on top of the first, when you pull the trigger there will be a very loud noise that will sound something like, "YOU NITWIT!"

11. Before selling them at your yard sale, it is best to check the value of the old wooden decoys you found in your grandpa's barn. Ditto old fishing lures.

12. If a guy in camp intends to use the phrase "Get 'er done" more than 50 times in a single weekend, it is probably best that he sleep with one eye open and not eat food prepared by other members of the party.

13. When you plan a fishing vacation, it is prudent to complete all your arrangements then go a week earlier or a week later because that is invariably when the fish will be biting.

14. Knowing how to quickly climb a tree is a handy thing when fishing from a wooded island in a fast-rising river.

15. Putting a lip-lock on a 40-pound blue catfish will damage your thumb no more and no less than smashing it with a 20-pound sledge hammer.

16. Riding an improperly installed climbing treestand from a height of 20 feet to ground level is not as much fun as the log ride at Six Flags.

17. A $699 GPS unit with dead batteries is worth less than a $2.99 compass.

18. If you really like your fancy new cell phone with all the bells and whistles, and want to keep it for the duration of the two-year contract with your service provider, don't let it ring too often while enjoying the peace and quiet of a backcountry fishing excursion with your best friend.

19. You might be foolish betting $100 on the next round of skeet if your competitor is shooting a new Purdey and you're shooting Uncle Fred's squirrel gun.

20. If you never have as many rabbits as you'd like to eat, keep a few mealworms in your hunting vest pocket, and when you're cleaning the cottontails, show the worms to your rabbit-hunting buddies and say, "These rabbits are full of warbles. I better take them home and dispose of them properly."

21. Any new deer stand that comes equipped with its own "Sir Edmund Hillary Commemorative Everest Climbing Sling" could be dangerous to hunt from.

22. The good thing about chiggers is & well, there is nothing good about chiggers. Likewise with ticks.

23. Never take as much bait as you think you will need when going fishing. Fish always bite best when bait is scarcest.

24. When the guy who missed the deer weighs more than 250 pounds and has tattoos of the Grim Reaper and a flaming skull, you might want to explain the tradition of cutting off a bad shot's shirt tail before you take a knife to his favorite camo crewneck.

25. A beagle will eat anything, including a truck key accidentally dropped on the ground.

26. Any key eaten by a beagle is certain to be the original and not a spare, as the spare key is many miles away at your home sitting on the same table where you left your cell phone.

27. It takes approximately 7 hours and 32 minutes for a beagle to pass a truck key that it ate. At some point, while waiting for the key to pass, you will think seriously about strangling the beagle and retrieving the key using quicker means.

28. The severity of heartburn is directly proportional to the quantity of Vienna sausages, potted meat, sardines and/or Slim Jims consumed at a single setting.

29. Never stand next to the toughest-looking guy on the party boat when going saltwater fishing. He's the one person who will, without doubt, get very, very seasick.

30. Ivory-billed woodpeckers do taste like chicken.”

“How do you get a moose out of the woods if you kill one? ATVs??”

“Wait...we have a member here that bagged a "moose" or two in Korea...please answer...(LOL)
last edited: 10/29/09 7:17:01 AM”

“LOL - perfect. Like most liberals, obama doesn't want to deal with icky sticky foreign policy.”

“"How do you get a moose out of the woods if you kill one? ATVs??" - Stovie

Yes, that and/or pack mule or heavy lifting.

A guy at my gun range said 4 of his friends went hunting and one of them shot a moose. Their hunting trip was over.....they had to quarter (More like cutting it up into 16 big pieces) the moose and bring it out of the mountain/forest. Pack them in ice in lots of coolers. Took them over 16 hours.”

“I see a moose and I tend to think of what a horse.

Is moose similar to deer in taste? As far as I know, I haven't had any horsemeat, but there was that cheap steak house on time that gave me the willies.”

“I can tell you about horse chili! It's one'a the best dang tasting animals I've ever eat! A good, thick horse steak medium rare w/ a dash of salt is better than fillet mignon, I cross my heart. Northern Med peoples eat horse regularly. In Italy if you have low iron (the name of that condition has left the building at the moment), you can go to the horse/ass butcher with a doc's prescription and buy it discount as a medicinal product, it's so high in iron. ............. Oh yeah, anemia.

Our Italian nabes cook their steaks so rare, basically searing the heck outa it at hi temp a minute or 2 on each side, that now when I marinate steak I can't not eat pieces completely raw. I've come to acquire that taste and texture of raw meats.

Yeah, I'd love to try some moose (not moose knuckle, mind you). I'd like to know if tastes like deer too. I bet it tastes like chicken ........”

“In this Oct. 13, 2009 photo, Kelly Holmin, age 12, sits on a bull moose after she shot and killed it on Gunflint Trail in Grand Marais, Minn. A Minnesota wildlife official confirms that Kelly Holmin, a 12-year-old girl is the youngest Minnesotan to kill a moose in the modern era. The bull moose had a 58-inch antler spread and weighed 1,100 pounds.”

holy crap.. the gunflint is the only place i have ever actually seen a moose. that one was huge though.”

“Took my boys out scouting our honey hole today and OH MY! We are gonna put some meat in the freezer this yer...we pretty much drove roght up to 15 different deer...all does but hey, we are allowed 1 doe each(and 2 bucks), times 4 hunters....no sign of the rut starting yet though. We even bagged a squrrel(that spelling doesn't look right) and when we got home, my oldest yung'n cooked up a mess of 'cajun squrrell' that frik'n ROCKED!

Anybody else seen any sign of the rut starting yet?”

“It's been a good season so far. I've only been out twice, but have ended up helping drag 2 deer. The only thing we seem to be doing wrong is we need to start dropping them closer to the road. These mile long drags get tiring.”

“While in the Med during my navy days my buds and I ate at this really cool restaurant in (I think) Alexandria, Egypt where you set around the open fire pits with grills over them. The waiter brought out huge slabs of meat and you pointed at the one you want and they cooked it in front of you. The steaks were huge and they were damn tasty. When we left the restaurant we went past an alley that led toward the back of the restaurant. At the end of the alley was one horse strung up as they butchered and stripped meat off it. Another dead horse was lying on the ground and being hosed off (I assumed waiting its turn to be butchered).”

“BTW - Haven't seen any sign of the rut around here yet. It should be happening soon.”

“EWWW hyway!

lol zac, I hate dragging deer!”

“At least these 2 were on the small side (110-120lbs). Last year I ended up helping my cousin drag a 180lb deer for over a mile.”

“Nothing yet - I'm going back in this afternoon.

Moose is delicious, BTW. Deer here are out of this world here (pastures, corn fields and orchards and a lot of mixed bush). Far better than what I was brought up with from mixed forests north of Montreal.

Moose is still better than deer, but caribou is the most delicious meat I ever tasted - like Angus beef, but leaner and tenderer.”

“I bought a cheap harness a couple of years ago that fits around your torso similar to a backpack. It makes dragging much easier. Chumming them up to the deck makes it much easier, though.”

“They have those harnesses at Gander Mountain. Won't work on moose tho'.”

“Your mind is abaft, Nimblefoot.”

““They have those harnesses at Gander Mountain. Won't work on moose tho'.”

It will if you get another moose to pull it. The trick is to get the harness on the other moose. A couple of drinks usually works, but those damn canucks won't share their booze with anyone.”

“I reckon the moose are too tall to #&%!$ and the deer are too fast.

What's a backwoods hick to do with no sheep around?”

“choke some chickens”

“I got to the annual deer hunters ball and check out the spouses for when the husbands are hunting.”

“Anal beer hunters balls?

You rascal!”

“LOL..@ nimble. Go for it, make sure you leave a "calling card".”

“Nimble, I'd supply the booze to see you harness a moose.”

“Set a date and let's make it a Trail Talk event.”

“Later. I gotta go to town and buy my mother some camo for rifle season.”

“Is she going to let you drive the pickup truck?”

“Yup, just like home.”

“

In this Thursday Oct 28, 2009 photo, Hunter Adam Stagner and Matt Pryor killed this 780-pound feral hog in north Mobile County, Ala. The massive beast is one of the biggest free-ranging hogs ever bagged by a hunter. The boar measured 6 feet 11 inches long, had a neck girth of 51 inches, stood an estimated 44 inches tall and had 3 1/2 inch-long cutter, bottom tusks”

“I reckon Chili would know how to cook it.

That's one lean, mean BBQ machine.”

“bigger than that super hog from a couple years ago?”

“Wouldn`t want to mess with that big boar hog when he was alive....his tusks would rip you open from crotch to ribcage!!!!!”

“Hogzilla - that's what i was thinking of! wasn't that down in 'bama as well?”