There is a Rat in my Gear Room

“Maybe you have more than one!”

“Cheney and 'gasp', Bush?”

“Nah, you have to name the one that won't go away "Nader!"”

“The Exterminator left. He is absolutely convinced that it's one rat, and, unfortuantely, Cheney lives.

This rat is pissin me off!”

“Formidable little baastard, eh, BB?”

“I thought a union man would know all of a rats hiding places!”

“Who the hell calls an exterminator anyhow? Did you jump up on a chair with your skirt pulled up? LOL!”

“License to kill rats by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill rats at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.”

“Great advice Bill! I'm off to buy a pellet gun.”

“•Rats can eat chocolate.
•Rats can also eat smaller pets. Rats are omnivores, and have enough predatory instinct left in them to consider birds, fish and even some smaller rodents as "snacks."
•Rats don't have canine teeth or thumbs.
•A rat's temperature is regulated though its tail (assuming it has one). A really hot rat will lay on its back so that it can "sweat" through the soles of its feet.
•A group of rats is called a mischief.
•A happy rat will chatter or grind its teeth. Often, chattering teeth results in "vibrating" eyes, caused by the lower jawbone pressing the backs of the eyes. This is a good sign, regardless of how silly it looks.
•Rats can't vomit.
•Soda does not make rats explode.
•Rats have bellybuttons.
•Rats don't have gallbladders or tonsils.
•A rat's fur smells like grape soda.
•Rats can be trained to do simple tricks.
•Rats can train humans to do simple tricks.”

“I say you bring these guys in on the hunt:

http://www.realultimatepower.net/”

“now you have opened pandora's box!”

“Cheney still lives.”

“He's lying.”

“OK, the Rat Killer just left. We have no body, but the Rat Killer thinks he's gone. He siad if the rat was eating 15 year old potpurri, it must have been starving and left for greener pastures.

Cheney sucks!”

“A rat's fur smells like grape soda.

Creek Dancer
12:00:08 PM
11/16/04

Now who the hell would take time to figure that out?”

“ewww... I thought the same as you Chili! Nasty-- why anyone would smell rat fur is beyond me...”

“A pet rat will cuddle up and nuzzle your face like any other pet.”

“Large rat becomes culprit in mystery of runaway van

By Steve Biehn

Carol Windham's story has all the elements of a classic mystery -- a close brush with death, pecans and a rat. But instead of a hard-boiled private eye, the detective in this case was an auto mechanic.

Windham was headed north on Commerce last Wednesday in her 1984 Chevrolet van when the unthinkable happened. As she approached the intersection of Commerce and 12th Avenue NW, the signal light turned red. When her foot touched the brake, the gas pedal went to the floor and stuck, sending the van rocketing towards a certain collision.

"I got on the horn and tried to unstick the gas pedal," she said. "Then I put both feet on the brake, but the van kept going."

Windham managed to bring her vehicle to a stop across from Long John Silver's, slammed the gear shift into park and turned the ignition switch off. Somehow, Windham's van had managed to slide through the busy intersection without getting hit.

"They saw me coming and stopped immediately, wondering about the idiot in the blue van," she said.

Jeff Richards of Eagle Tow hauled the van to Jamie Rutledge Auto Repair on P St. NE. When Jeff Rutledge and his dad popped the hood, they found the engine covered in pecans.

"There were probably 50 pecans," he said. "It looked like a wood rat had nested."

Apparently, when Windham depressed the brake pedal, one of the pecans fell and lodged next to the accelerator cable causing the throttle to stick open. The mechanic told her the rat had to go.

continued...”

“Do you have pet rats. Most people don't know all of that stuff unless they are rat lovers”

“No, but I do think they are interesting in a disgusting kind of way. I think mice are adorable, except the ones that find a way into my pack.”

“There is a big difference between pet rats and mice and their wild cousins. Rats are extremely intelligent. I have 2 and they crack me up daily. They are always in to something. Which is why a group is called a Mischief. That's what they are all ways up too.:)”

“So does their fur really smell like grape? I suppose they must be rather smart to have survived men like Buddha Bear this long. hehe. My daughter had a ferret once that used to get in all kinds of mischief.”

“Well I've never noticed that their fur smells like grape soda. I have two bucks (males) and like dogs and cats, they mark their territory by urinating on everything including each other to show dominance. The funny thing is they don't really stink either. Probably because they groom themselves all the time like cats do. Their cage has to be cleaned once a week though or it will. The bedding absorbs all of the ammonia. My first rat died when he was really young so he was always really clean and since he was my only one, he didn't dirty the cage up much. Even with him though I never smelled anything like grape soda. He didn't really have a smell that I noticed. If he did it was more like that of a house cat that stays clean all the time. Maybe that's a doe (female) thing. Can't say because I've never had one. When these two die I'm planning on getting does. Everyone says they are less messy (i.e. they don't pee on everything). Bad thing about the does, according to what I've read, is that they are not as affectionate as the bucks. My two guys love me to death. They get very excited when they see me and climb all over the cage to get the best look and get closer. They will ride around on my shoulder and lick my ear. They really are funny. I think I would miss that if the does don't do it.”

“LNSTR74, I recently found some mineral crystals at the pet store that absorb ammonia. They work really well and have eliminated all urine odor from my (male) rabbit's litter box. And it used to stink to high heaven even changing it every day. It would probably work in your rats' bedding. It's supposed to be totally inert and won't hurt them even if they eat it.

Want I should post the brand name after I get home from work?”

“Yeah please do. So I can check it out.”

“Cool. Will do.”

“Jeez, am I the only one who wants to waste these varmits?”

“I had a rat living in my storage closet off my condo patio. Ruined all my Halloween costumes and a bunch of my sports gear stuff. It had discovered my car camping old Coleman bag and had made itself a lovely nest in it. Rat pee is a terrible smell. Blech! I guarantee that Cheney is ruining all your stuff as we speak with copious amounts of rat piss and burrowing. Nasty vermin. I used a rat trap with peanut butter. I hated to kill the poor thing, but I had no choice.”

“No kidding, regardless of what you may have heard, these things really work, providing me with endlass hours of mirth just thinking of shocking the housemice in my abode. So far in the last 2 days I've killed 5 mice (15 more till I have enough fur for 1 glove) My cat is pissed off at me for taking all her fun away.”

“LNSTR74,

it's called Ammo-Litter and is made by Aquarium Pharmaceuticals. If you Google it you'll get about a gazillion hits. I found it in the pet store in the small animal isle.

Buddha Bear,

Potpourri in your gear room??? WTH???”

“COOL THANKS”

“skully - this damn thing is everywhere! The potpurri is in my living room.

I just completed my morning rounds (traps, potpurri, etc.) and found that Cheney still lives. Now the SOB is eating MY WINE CORKS! I have a box full o fthem on my dining room table. It ate the ends with the wine on them. I don't know how this damn thing got on top of my dining room table, but it did.

Cheney must GO!”

“Time go Caddy Shack on him.”

“Dude, I'm tellin ya. You have to use peanut butter in the traps.”

“Buddha Bear tring to catch the rat himself.

”

“BB, are you aware that you can make rats fart by holding them upside down and tapping 'em lightly on the stomach with a pencil?”

“I feed rats to some of the snakes i worked with at camp this summer. It will be awhile till my snake moves up to rats from mice though.”

“At 12:38 pm, EST, I heard a loud pop, coming from the direction of what I thought was my kitchen as I worked here in my office. Upon further investigation in the kitchen, I viewed no body, but did notice a rancid stench in the area. I looked the the traps in my gear room, and found one, placed under my bathtub, behind the access door, directly above my kitchen, to hold the contents of ONE DEAD RAT.

Ladies and Gentleman, Mr. Cheney is now deceased. No services will be held for the little monster.”

“ha ha you think we only have one rat to send at you... think again :)”

“LMAO Bison! Please, no more friggin' rats! It looks like the thing lost quite a bit of weight!”

“heh.. rats get BIG too!”

“ConRATulations, BB!!”

“ba-dump-bump”

“hMmm.. I smell a rat?

LOL.. maybe it's a new spy technique, used by big brother. Did you happen to notice if the rat had a cam hanging around it's neck?”

“Setting: A dark room, deep in the CIA's headquarters in Langley, Virginia. The room is filled with computer monitors, and operators watching them. It is the main operating room of the Echelon Project.

As we watch, one of the screens lights up and flashes, bringing its operator to attention.

Operator: We got a hit.

Supervisor: Let's take a look at it...

Operator: OK.

The operator's fingers deftly press the correct keys and mouseclicks, and the offending message is displayed.

Supervisor: What the hell is "Trail Talk"?

Operator: Some bulletin board, supposed to be about backpacking. We get a couple hits a week off it.

Supervisor: Backpacking, huh? Sure.

Operator: OK, here's the message:

Ladies and Gentleman, Mr. Cheney is now deceased. No services will be held for the little monster.

Supervisor: Hmm. That sounds serious. Talking about the VP in the past tense? Not good.

Operator: Yah, and the election's over too.

Supervisor: "Buddha Bear", whaddaya think that means?

Operator: Well, "Buddha" probably means he has Chinese leanings. "Bear"? Not sure. Russian too?

Supervisor: Probably that weird Chinese-Russian Communist league we've heard about. Whoda thunkit?

Operator: You got me there. (pause) Should we go to Level 1?

Supervisor: Sure. I think it's enough evidence.

Operator: OK.

The operator clicks a red button on the toolbar, and a small window opens asking for authorization.

Operator: You have to give the authorization.

The Supervisor nods, and passes his badge through a scanner in the computer's keyboard. The window closes, the incident report closes, and the operator returns to his previous monitoring.

Supervisor: That poor bastard...he won't know his own name before the day is over.

(fade to black)
last edited: 11/22/04 12:22:57 PM”

“LMAO.

Good job.”

“lol, Bit! I see Buddha has already disappeared. Man, they act fast!”

“Good for you BB. :)”

“It wouldn't be the first time I was visited by the FBI in the past two months. :)”