This is funny

“American Liberals Sneaking
Across Border Into Canada
Illegal Immigrants
Author Unknown
11-24-4

"The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada Has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among Left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O' Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say its not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

Not real effective," he said. The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals Near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often Wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border.

Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.

If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, We get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are Creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.

I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just cant support them," an Ottawa resident said. How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.

We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."”

“That is funny.”

“Well if Author Unknown says it who are we to question? The thing I find funny is these liberals having no problem with breaking the law. I wish them all the luck in the world in making their way out of the country. :)”

“Judging from the posts I'm seeing here today, cabin fever is pandemic. And it ain't even winter yet! We didn't have this much fighting in the bad ole days. Therefore in the interest of levity I'm bringing this thread back to the top of the heap.”

“Thanks, SH, that was delicious and in the same vein as my 'Unca Gremlin's Theory' thread.

BTW, I live near the border and my guns are loaded.”

““Judging from the posts I'm seeing here today, cabin fever is pandemic. And it ain't even winter yet! We didn't have this much fighting in the bad ole days. Therefore in the interest of levity I'm bringing this thread back to the top of the heap.”

Sometimes ya just gotta throw your hands up in the air and make fun of the whole world and take nothing seriousely. Hell, I've even cracked a few Bush jokes you would have lol at.”

“Canada, I'm sorry. ;-)
...but please keep them! ;-)”

“Not a chance, SS. We've been sending you OUR media freaks for years.

And we want to keep it that way.

Keep Céline Dion, please.”

“OK, but you have to take Neil Young back.”

“This negociation thing looks like it's going to be a dificult process.”

“He11 NO, we are keeping Neil!!!!
last edited: 11/24/04 1:09:29 PM”

“Thank you, Stove; you guys can keep Jim Carey too. You can't have Mike Myers, though.”

“You can only keep Mike Myers if you promise to take back Alex Trebek. He makes us Americans look stupid.”

“You also have to take back Tom Green”

“We'll take BTO but you HAVE to take Rush back.”

“Who wants to give Pamela Anderson back? She's from Canada. After she had breast implants, stretched out her skin, had them taken out and put them back in, I think most men would be grossed out by her stretch marks. Besides she has hepatitis, and I think it's the deadly kind. Send her back!”

“OK, they get Pamela Anderson back but they have to take Anna Nichole Smith too in the deal.”

“Hey, this is getting ugly.

No way - we can't be blamed for Rush, Nigal. Tried to sneak that one by, eh?

Let's do like our treaty on borders - no more changes.

We all have our crosses to bear.”

“We all have our borders to cross? LOL!

If they were smart (rare for a liberal) they'd head SOUTH. Cashing in your dollars for Pesoes...you could live like a KING down there. Ya might get your throat slit but you'd die like a king!”

“An Amish woman and her daughter were
riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother,
"My hands are freezing cold."

The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with
her boy friend who said,
"My hands are freezing cold."

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs.
The warmth of my body will warm them up."
He did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold."

The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said, "My #&%!$ is frozen solid."

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother,
"Have you ever heard of a #&%!$?"

Slightly concerned the mother said,
"Why, yes. Why do you ask?"

The daughter replies,
They make one hell of a mess when they
defrost, don't they?”

“Rude, but good.”

“BTW, during the ENRON etc. thing there was a radio parody about roving bands of rogue CEO's wandering and pillaging across America. It was hilarious.”

“Who the F is that?”

“that's funny as funk!!”

“that WAS Funny!!
Dub is that u?”

“Nope, not me...kinda looks like an even fatter version of me with glasses, lol.”

“I think I just lost a few IQ points...”

“There was a fellow who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had problems with the addresses.

One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought, "Oh boy, better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and read:

"Dear God, I am an 83 year-old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100.00 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?"

The postal worker was touched and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96.00, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her. The rest of the day, all the workers felt the warm glow of the kind thing they had done.

Christmas came and went. A few days later another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

"Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office."”

“I can tell ya for a fact, that's not true!”

“nope, I dont pass gas :)”

“LMAO!!! Kinda looks like one of the lawyers I used to work for....
last edited: 8/23/05 5:56:11 PM”

“Someone here has poopy pants!”

“LMAO! Excellant.”

“DANG!!!!
....and to think I was up their canoeing with these wide eyed seething peeps last year!
I knew the funny way they talked should have warned me! ;-)
last edited: 2/08/06 10:40:08 AM”

“RFLMAO!! And then they added at the end, "Small steps to be sure, but observers say these safety measures will help quell the roiling unrest before it spreads to the dimwitted ultra-militant Yoopers of Michigan's notorious Ishpeming Triangle." TOO TRUE! Ooops! That should say, "ya, for sure, eh?"”

“Now, how do I explain my #&%!$ eating grin to my coworkers?”

“I am being funny as hell and none of you #&%!$heads are appreciating it.

People who have hiked with me know what I am talkng about.”

“Do Tell, BrotherMan!”