Annoying co-workers

“There's a woman who sits a ways away from me who talks to her husband all day on the phone. For that, I could care less. But she only does it on her two-way Nextel, LOUDLY. So I get to listen to her whine at him about everything that she feels like #&%!$ing at him about. ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!”

“does her Nextel have that charming little chirp?”

“Complain to management. Should be easy to stop that.”

“Of course. Chirp.

"Why didn't you call me all day? Who have you been on the phone with?"

Chirp

Blah, blah, blah”

“you know sphincter muscle is quite dense. If you jam it up her ass, you won't hear the chirp.”

“Complain? That's no fun. I like the following sounds for annoying office loudmouths, especially since most have never heard one before:

http://www.personal.psu.edu/users/c/x/cxb909/loonbehavior.htm

I also put a stop to a women who left her cell phone on while in the lab. It went off several times while it was unattended. The second day this happened I brought it to the lab and dropped it on a random bench.
last edited: 1/12/05 11:41:50 AM”

“Good idea, BM. Another woman the other day left her cell phone on her desk while she disappeared for about 45 minutes. Someone called her phone over and over and over -- something like 30 times. We got to listen to her Theme from the Lone Ranger ring over and over and over. Next time I'm going to do that.”

“If you point to something on my computer monitor, please don't touch the d@mn screen!

It amazes me how many people insist on doing that. I hate trying to see through long streaks of body-greese-Cheetos-for-lunch-havin'-fingerprint-smudges. Out comes the Windex and paper towel when they leave and I realize I'm not going blind - no - I just have 2.5 pounds of crap all over the place. It really is possible to point to something without actually planting the finger on the cool glass.

Rant over.”

“Lol! There's a Dilbert cartoon about this.”

“mmmm, Cheetos”

“Felix Unger!”

“I am with lyra on this one! At least if you get hungry, you can lick the monitor and kill 2 birds with one cheeto!”

“Mmm, leaded glass. Its what's for lunch.”

“LOL! leaded glass”

““mmmm, Cheetos”
lyra
1:22:55 PM


LMAO

I started looking for change for the vending machine so I can go get me some.”

“Yeah Mapes, get some Cheetos and enjoy the Mason threads!”

“Just don't touch anyone's monitor when you are done!”

“Make sure you go and shake someone's hand after consuming the entire bag.”

“No Cheetos and Mason threads


WOOOOOOAAAAAWEEEEEEE


no fair”

“When we done some werk at Rekses hous ther dogs was VERRY THE NOYIN! They was "men pins" that rund around yellin THE HOLE TIME we was ther.

I sayed some grals and they did not bother me and Gissmaeioux at ower fases, juts by hind us and what never tho.”

“Dang, sarabelle has been taking spelling lessons.
Sure did miss you guys at Ocala.”

“Aw Sarabelle. Let me scratch behind your ears, you good lookin' girl, you.”

“To the woman in the bay over:

Please either choke to death or go take some cough syrup. Thank you.”

“There is a guy like that all the time Bit. He clears his throat non stop and very loud!

Also he makes sure everyone know when he sneezes. It's like a sonic boom.

Now me, I just shut the door and belch and fart as loud as I want.”

“Well, when I start sneezing, it's pretty loud.

But when I have to sneeze several times in a row, I take something for it.”

“note to self: make sure you wear a gas mask when you go into wounded knee's office”

“Ha Ha!”

“I annoy as many of my co-workers as I possibly can.”

“Tomorrow is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:



Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a darn about?



Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you?



Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch?



Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it?



Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially announce tomorrow as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY!



There are the rules you must follow:

* You can only slap one person per hour - no more.

* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.

* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.

* No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.

* CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your "assault" must be followed with something like "cause I'm sick of your stupid-a$$ always messing up stuff!"

* If questioned by a supervisor [or police, if the supervisor is the irritant], you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE!



Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping.....and have a great day”

“hey...what are you doing on this computer? Already quit your job?? I knew you would miss us.

or did you beat someone?”

“i'd like to follow those coworkers rules.. i got a few coworkers in mind that irritate me beyond belief.”

“Everybody is showing up late for work today.
I'm gonna slap alot of people.”

“1 word.

SPEAKERPHONE!

UGH!

-percious”

“I'm not working... If I was I wouldn't have a problem, I could use my power to yell at people, but damn! In the computer lab, WTF is the point of 2 people playing #&%!$ty music as loud as they possibly can? It drives me crazy.”

“Not good. My co-workers don't annoy me, does that mean I'm the annoying co-worker?”

“We have one of those throat clearing types here. When he's nervous he clears it (at about a 95 decibel level), every 3rd sentence. Impossible to concentrate in a meeting when your ears are bleeding.”

“It probably makes it harder to realize he's not saying much.”

“Get out of the office and get a blue collar job like me. I spent 12 years working in a lab. Now I work with a pipewrench. I never knew manual labor could be so much fun.”

“If it paid as much as my white-collar job, I would.”

“Yah, when you have an annoying co-worker, at least you have a pipewrench in your hand...”

“sure does make it easier to give them a quarter turn”

“You would be supprised some blue collar jobs are catching up. Many of the white collar jobs at my company are currently being outsourced. The bean counters have come in and are eleminating levels of management. I know auto mechanics and plumbers that make more than some lawyers do. Carpenters and heavy equipment operators that make more than some doctors do. The blue collar worker of the 21st century is not a just a grease monkey he has to be high tech savvy.
last edited: 4/04/05 2:14:41 PM”

“Here's one I had to deal with working in a non airconditioned machine shop. Anyone else have stinky coworkers?

http://www.news4jax.com/irresistible/4397084/detail.html”

“my most annoying co-worker is out of the office today.

YIPPEE!”

“Reminds me of a sci-fi short story I read once.

Four astronauts on a mission from our solar system to Alpha Centauri arrive only to find that during the intervening centuries (they were on a very slow ship and had been put into suspended animation) technology had passed them by and that later missions had already colonized the planets there. They also find that the human race has continued to evolve, and that B.O. is a thing of the past. Except for them, of course. Their natural B.O. is like a stinkbomb to all the humans they encounter.

Sucks to be them.”

“Sounds like an interesting plot line. I guess it would have killed the plot if the later missions had stopped by, woken them up, and taken them along. Which would have been logical. LOL. I know, I know, "don't !@#$ with the script".

Speaking of BO, I hate when I go on a hike and everyone smells of BO. Why can't everyone stay clean and smell-free on the trail? (sarcasm off)”

“IIRC, they covered that by saying something like it had been decided to leave them alone, or some such nonsense. When they get to AC, they're greeted by someone whose life's work has been to assist them in being re-integrated into society, only to find that they stink.”

“OK, apparently the manager whose office is next my boss's office is watching his wife's little hairball of a dog for the next few days while she's gone. The little #&%!$ keeps barking at something. The door is closed but of course we can all still hear its pitiful yapping.

Oh, for a burlap sack, a large rock, and a nearby body of water.”

“Just give it some peanut butter or a couple of Bit O' Honeys. THat'll keep it quiet.”

“How about a tube of seam sealer?”