Proof Christians are Evil

“Hey, I'm scared !!”

“BOO!”

“Careful, MarkO, you're mighty close to SI territory.”

“Sports Illustrated?”

“Does Nobody recognize the Spanish Inquisition???????”

“No, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition...”

“Chapman: Trouble at mill.
Cleveland: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle.
Cleveland: Pardon?
Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle.
Cleveland: I don't understand what you're saying.
Chapman: [slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent] One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle.
Cleveland: Well what on earth does that mean?
Chapman: *I* don't know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain [Palin] enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles [Jones] has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang [Gilliam] is just Cardinal Fang]

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.

[The Inquisition exits]

Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals burst in]

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!
[To Cardinal Biggles] I can't say it - you'll have to say it.
Biggles: What?
Ximinez: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'
Biggles: [rather horrified]: I couldn't do that...

[Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again]

Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals enter]

Biggles: Er.... Nobody...um....
Ximinez: Expects...
Biggles: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um...
Ximinez: Inquisition.
Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect -
Ximinez: Our chief weapons are...
Biggles: Our chief weapons are...um...er...
Ximinez: Surprise...
Biggles: Surprise and --
Ximinez: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ... our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges.
Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the--'
Biggles: That's enough.
[To Cleveland] Now, how do you plead?
Clevelnd: We're innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

[DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER]

Biggles: We'll soon change your mind about that!

[DIABOLICAL ACTING]

Ximinez: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- [controls himself with a supreme effort] Ooooh! Now, Cardinal -- the rack!

[Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger]

Ximinez: You....Right! Tie her down.

[Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack]

Ximinez:Right! How do you plead?
Clevelnd: Innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack [oh dear] give the rack a turn.

[Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders]

Biggles: I....
Ximinez: [gritting his teeth] I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Biggles: I...
Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid.
Biggles: Shall I...?
Ximinez: No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!

[Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack]

[Cut to them torturing a dear old lady, Marjorie Wilde]

Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess?
Wilde: I don't understand what I'm accused of.
Ximinez: Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions]

Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Wilde: I don't know what you're talking about.
Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

[Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture]

Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Zoom into Fang's horrified face]

Fang [terrified]: The...Comfy Chair?

[Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one]

Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!

[They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair]

Ximinez [with a cruel leer]: Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Biggles] Is that really all it is?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess
Biggles: I confess!
Ximinez: Not you!”

“Glad it isn't, "Nobody expects Staten Island!"”

“To recognize is to...........expect?”

“We certainly can't have Staten Island going about putting people in Comfy Chairs, that's for sure.”

“Especially because of where they get those chairs from. They may be comfy but I bet you'll be telling them anything to get out!”

“Anyone seen 'Eric the Viking'?

Another classic.”

“Time Bandits?

The Baron Von Munchausen (sp)?

Brazil?”

“Time Bandits and Baron Von Muenchhausen, yes!”

“No Brazil????

Brazil, the uncut/unslaughtered "version" Is amazing, a classic example of Dark Humor.

gee golly trivia - Deniro loved the script so much it's the only time he ever agreed to have a secondary role.”

“I've seen parts of Brazil, just not the whole thing.”

“Brazil was awesome.”

“Rainbow peace flag brings no peace to family

In a case of mistaken identity, a family reportedly was subjected to middle-of-the-night gay-bashing because of a rainbow-colored flag hanging outside their house.

Lisa Wells, 46, said the flag — with the word "pace" written on it, Italian for "peace" — was a reminder of her family's recent travels in Europe. Such flags hang all over Europe, Wells added.

The flag apparently didn't bring Wells' family peace on this side of the pond, though.

Wells said she woke at about 1:30 a.m. Jan. 30 to find her dog growling, and then yelled at people to get out of her yard, in the 3200 block of Grant Avenue. Four men fled from her property, she said, but one turned and spewed anti-gay rhetoric.

"He threatened me multiple times. He told me I should die. He told me I should read the Bible," Wells wrote in an e-mail.

The men also took dog treats hanging on the fence and threw them at her house, she added.

"I was scared. I was really scared," Wells said, standing on her porch Monday. Her fear was compounded because her husband was out of town, but her two sons, age 11 and 8, were in the house.”

“You mean gay bashing idiots live in blue states too? They must be border crossers.”

“What State? She looks Gay to me.”

“Saying all Christians are evil is as bad as saying all Jews, Muslims, gays, peace freaks or Italians (re: Sicilians) are evil... it's narrow minded and bigoted.

It's not spiritually minded people that are evil... it's what "western european" thinking and politics did to "religion" that make it evil.

"We must stop confusing religion, and spirituality. Religion is a set of rules, regulations, and rituals created by humans, which were supposed to help people grow spiritually. Due to human imperfection religion has become corrupt, political, divisive, and a tool for power struggle. Spirituality is not theology or ideology. It is simply a way of life, pure and original as given by the Most High. Spirituality is a network linking us to the Most High, the universe, and each other." H.I.M. Emperor Haile Selassie I

Peace Out...
Capt. Jim”

“the dog don't look gay”

“BM, the article is to a Corvalis, OR newspaper.”

“Damn fundimentalist blue staters!”

“How about letting everybody have their own beliefs without judgement? As long as they don't harm others, who cares? I like Peace.”

“As long as they don't harm others, who cares? I like Peace.”
catskhiker
2:49:33 PM
2/17/05

Nicely painted Bullseye. I think Stevie Wonder could hit it.
last edited: 2/17/05 1:52:06 PM”

“JACKSON, Mississippi (AP) -- A Christian adoption agency that receives money from Choose Life license plate fees said it does not place children with Roman Catholic couples because their religion conflicts with the agency's "Statement of Faith."


"I can't believe an agency that's nationwide would act like this," Loria Williams said. "There was an agency who was Christian based but wasn't willing to help people across the board."

Sandy Steadman said she was hurt and disappointed that Bethany received funds from the Choose Life car license plates. "I know of a lot of Catholics who get those tags," she said.

She added: "If it's OK to accept our money, it should be OK to open your home to us as a family."

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/07/15/adoption.church.ap/index.html
last edited: 7/15/05 10:05:47 PM”

“I think USA sees himself as Satan.

I will see him in hell.”

“Yes, we've prepared accomodations for both of you. We admire your work and will be pleased to have the opporunity to provide space for your first meeting.”

“If they weren't evil they wouldn't need to be Christians.”

“This is just wrong!

http://www.xxxchurch.com/”

“Thanks, Nigal, that hung my computer. Why are you looking at #&%!$ like that anyway?”

“Ya know this so called God really hates us cuz we are a bunch of spalpeeens oh wait, that is just Me”

“1 entry found for spalpeen.

spalpeen

\Spal"peen\, n. [Ir. spailpin, fr. spailp a beau, pride, self-conceit.] A scamp; an Irish term for a good-for-nothing fellow; -- often used in good-humored contempt or ridicule. [Colloq.]

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.”

“0 entries found for nowslimmer.

nowslimmer

\now"slim"mer\, n. [eng. judo champ] An old man; a person who used to be too big for their britches; -- often used in good-humored contempt or ridicule. [Colloq.]

Source: Nowslimmer's biography, © 2001 TRAILTALK, Web.”

“spalpeen's tend to attract bees too.”

“LMBO.”

“i thought jews were evil?”

“evil is where we look for it”

“Evil only exists in the hearts of men...

I didnt try the link... my work filters wont allow it. :(”

“If we didn't think we were evil, we wouldn't be Christians. If I was good I'd be Buddist, or maybe one of those religions that promises a harem in the afterlife.”

“OK, so it's more funny than evil. Sorry. LOL!”

“It hung your computer?? So you lookin at it too? I'm not even going to try. Besides, I think a pile of rocks would be more interesting, provided they are piled up in Glacier Natl. Park. :) BTW, that cup I bought you is being used, lol, sorry. Should I still send it??”

“That's the whole humor thing about it guys...it's not dirty. Quite the opposite. It's a christian site designed to help porn addicted pervs. I thought of Pedxing, so I posted it here for him. Ya know, I really think it's time we circle the chairs with him...

Hey check it out! It's....

”

“chappy - No, don't send it unless it can be here in 10 minutes. That's when I'm going to have to wash one. I really don't need another cup, unless it says, "Be a Packer Backer." But thanks, I'm glad the cup appears to be getting some use. Have a good day.
last edited: 11/20/05 7:53:14 AM”

“I can write that on the cup with a magic marker. Would that help? Uh....forget that, the cup is camo. Besides, if you ever dropped it on the trail you probably wouldn't find it. LOL.”

“I thought of Pedxing, so I posted it here for him. Ya know, I really think it's time we circle the chairs with him...

NigalGizzardGobbler
7:37:36 AM
11/20/05

LOL!”

“I figured you get a kick out of that Ped. :)”