Stay away from older women

“I would be ticked also if my loving bride creamed me with an ashtray.

I like 'old' women! ;-)
Of course most of you Bozos think that's any over 35! ;-)
last edited: 12/10/04 12:49:20 PM”

“Well, this "older woman" was 16 years older than her new spouse, so "older" is relative.”

“I try my best.”

“why older women are better


An older woman can wear any hat she chooses and nobody will laugh. A younger woman wearing the same hat will always look like a lampshade in abrothel.

An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think, if you think at all.

An older woman always carries a purse full of emergency supplies. Young women go hungry and bleed to death every time there's a natural disaster.

An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.

An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of a herbal tea.

The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets... which is why nature intended young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with older men.

An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes.

An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent lover!

Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an #&%!$ if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her. An older woman puts herself on a pedestal.

An older woman will never get pregnant and then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know.

Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey.

An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you.

Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call.

Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut Take out.

An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas.

Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.

Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a strip-tease.

Older women know what Kegel exercises are.

An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly boff later.

Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.

Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact.

An older woman has lots of girlfriends and most of them will want to boff you too.

An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.

An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.”

“Im an older woman Yup. 25 years old :D”

“A lot of truth to that, Ewker. ;-)”

“Older women know what Kegel exercises are.
Whoo HOO!”

“it is so true esp about her friends wanting to boff you..no comment on how i know that..lol”

“OK, bitpusher, at what age do I consider a woman to be an older woman?”

“I know the answer to that.
Older than nowslimmer! ;-)”

“Good try, StoveStomper. Physical and mental condition are now more important than calender age.”

“Older women know what Kegel exercises are.
Whoo HOO!”
Wounded Knee
2:10:45 PM
12/10/04

I like to teach this excercise. I like to be called teacher in my class........”

“Better listen to Ewker. Very impressive and very much it. My wife who is ,,uuuuu well lets say she is ripe and well seasoned, has as much stamina as I when Hiking, backpacking. Never underestimate an OLDER WOMAN.....”

“What does an octogenarian woman's crotch smell like???











DEPENDS...”

“define "old"”

“define ripe!”

“An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you

LOL...hahahahaahahaha




no comment...”

“I was wondering when div would show up! ;-)”

“LOL..hahahaahahahah....THAT was full of truths!!!”

“What are some phrases for old used items that sellers use to make them sound nicer? You can apply these to some older women:

Slightly Used
Gently Used
Low Mileage
Refurbished
Like New
Previously Owned”

“I don't feel used enough.”

“"Cobwebs......."......Drop Dead Fred
last edited: 12/10/04 8:36:40 PM”

“"Kept covered in a garage", LMAO!!!!! That's what I suggest you single gals put in your online dating ads when you describe what shape you are in.”

“OMG.....lipstick...THAT is so funny...lol..hahahahahahahaah...I actually LIVE in a garage......”

“By CCR's standards,"Make a glass of water against the law,then see how good the water tastes.",over 18 is old.”

“:)”

“THAT makes me ancient...........a relic.....an antique.....

;)


and wiser...”

“divinity, that IS funny, but do you keep yourself covered, lol? You're not a relic, you're well kept!”

“Can someone cut and paste Benjamin Franklin's, 'In Praise of Older Women'?

It's been a classic for well over 200 years.”

“June 25. 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entring into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.”

“Saffire, the Uppity Blues Women :

Middle Aged Blues Boogie


-------------------
Well I was looking round and checking out my very best friends
Seems that they'd all taken up with the young young men...
Seems that when you reach around middle age
You don't want a final chapter, you want to write another page...

I need a young man, to drive away my middle-age blues

Well seems like men my age are all married, boring or tied
You got to find a young man if you want to feel desired...

Now some of my friends is worried 'bout what people may say,
I say age ain't nothin' but a number the good lord made it that way...

I need a young man, to drive away my middle-age blues

You know he can get it up and he can get on down
He'll help you do the dishe, take you out on the town...
He'll let you navigate cause he ain't worried 'bout seniority
You can tell him where to put it, keeping you happy is his priority

I need a young, young man,
I need a young, young man,

I need a young, young man, to drive away my middle-age blues

Well i'll forget about my arthritis, my backache, my lumbago
That young man makes me tango at the horizontal disco
I'm cleaning out my closet, I'm no longer sentimental
Forget about experience, I'd rather have potential

A young man to drive away my middle age blues

Well, I don't need no reefer, I don't need no cocaine
All I need is a young man to drive me insane...
I'm throwing away my dustmop, got a brand new vacuum cleaner...
I'm no longer taken for granted, my young man's sexy but sweeter...

A young, young man, to drive away my middle-age blues

An old woman don't yell
An old woman don't tell
An old woman don't swell
An she's grateful as hell

I need a young, young man,
I need a young, young man,

I need a young, young man, to drive away my middle-age blues

Solos
- -----


An old woman don't yell
An old woman don't tell
An old woman don't swell
An she's grateful as hell

I need a young, young man,
I need a young, young man,

I need a young, young man, to drive away my middle-age blues

Age ain't nothin but a number
Age ain't nothin but a number
Age ain't nothin but a number

Age ain't nothin but a number

And like a rare wine, you don't get older, you just get better...

Give me a young young man...

- -------------------------------------------------------------------------”

“WTF is Bison talking about?

And ladies - I love to be used.”

“BM -

What do you mean WTF am I talking about?

"Can someone cut and paste Benjamin Franklin's, 'In Praise of Older Women'?"

Gremlin
11:52:32 AM
12/13/04”

“Oops. Sorry. I think I was day dreaming about being a toy for some MLF's when your post snapped me out of it.

BTW - wasn't Ben a lecherous DOM?


Now, where was I...............”

“"What are some phrases for old used items that sellers use to make them sound nicer? You can apply these to some older women:

Slightly Used
Gently Used
Low Mileage
Refurbished
Like New
Previously Owned”
lipstick hiker
6:51:24 PM
12/10/04"


How about Certified Pre-Owned like BMW's and Lexuses (Lexi?)?


When I dated 23 year olds *I was 34), I was an older woman. Oh, yeah, that was fun!!!!!!”

“Reminds me of a woman I had an, um, evening with once, who bemoaned being an "older woman" at 23.

She had other problems, I'm sure.”

“So it's okay to lust after that 33 year old Vin Diesel look-alike?

Alright!!!”

“Like my all-time favorite headline from Science News... that story about the Leakeys trying to establish an accurate timeframe for 'Lucy,' after they found her in Olduvai Gorge...

The Perils Of Dating An Older Woman”

“They're still at it... "An Electron Runs Through It" LOL”