Kids say the darndest things

“This past Sunday we got to church late. They were already having the childrens moment which is when all the little ones come up front have a little segment of time just for them. Since we were late we kept our kids with us. The kids were asked what the wise men brought to baby Jesus. A kid yells out, "Gold, Murr, and Frankenstein!" Big laugh from the congregation. The kids are now heading out of the sanctuary towards childrens church. We put our kids down off our laps and told them to catch up with their friends. We sitting at the back and all the action is at the front. Our son runs down the center aisle and yells out, "WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEE!!!!!" Another big laugh. Our daughter, who is normally an attention hound, thankfully just trots after big brother.”

“LOL cute.

So my daughter (age 2) was at my parents house last week. Mom and Dad have become very pokey about getting things together for Christmas. Anywho they decided that they wanted to take Laurel and go cut a live Christmas tree.

So did they go out to a tree farm? Noooo, not my folks. They decided to cull a tree from out of their yard as they have about 4 wooded lots. So Laurel selects a little cedar tree that's about maybe 2 inches diameter at the base. Dad cuts iot and little Laurel drags it back to Grandpas house looking as pleased as the cat who caught the canary.

So they set this thing up and decorate it. I swear to god the tree is only slightly more filled out that the tree in "It's Christmas, Charlie Brown"

Laurel stands back, gives it an appraising look and says. "That's a sad looking tree." when anyone comes to my folks house she proudly shows them her sad tree.”

“That's funny.

My daughter, Emma (3), wanted a piano for Christmas. Sat afternoon we asked her if she liked what Santa brought. She said "yes, he brought me a piano without a stool, a hello kitty purse, he didn't bring me a camera, he brought me a ...." and so on. She was kinda irked that the crocodile piano didn't have a stool. It was sorta funny. Piano with a stool $80, piano w/o a stool $20. Pretty easy decision.”

“Laurel is still scared of Santa.
Treebait tried to get her photo taken a few times but she would start crawling the walls.

Treebait was going to hit the mall last week and wanted to just get in and out. Laurel heard he and said she wanted to go to.

Treebait told her that Santa would be at the mall.

Laurel got a thoughtful expression and said, "Thats ok."”

“This was the first year Emma didn't cry when she saw Santa. We talked to her a few times about it through the fall. A local photographer has a really good Santa each year. She did good for the photos. Some friends hire this same guy for their kids b'day parties. Both kids have Dec b'days. At the party the Sunday before Christmas she walked right up to him, hopped in his lap, and started chatting away. At the end of the day he asked if she wasn't the one that used to cry when she saw him. Crazy how much of a difference a year makes.

I got a car camping stove for our Cades Cove trips. When Reece saw it, he thought we were about to leave for CC. I thought that was a nice touch.”

“I have always told my sons that as a mom, I have eyes in the back of head. When they asked where they were, I told them that they were invisible to them, but they were very useful to me. I often utilize the reflection in windows and so forth to actually monitor what is going on behind my back. Thus far, they haven't caught on.

One day, my son Tucker, who was 4 at the time, wanted to surpise me with something. So he said to me, "Mom, close your eyes. And close your eyes in the back of your head, too."”

“That's hilarious. Momma, close all 4 of your eyes.”

“The other night I was getting ready to give my 4-and-a-half-year old son a bath. He undressed himself while I drew the bath. After he was naked, with his hand on himself, he enthusiastically said, "Mom, I just love my p e n i s"

I laughed and said, "You and every other male on the planet. Get in the tub, kiddo."
last edited: 1/11/05 11:26:45 AM”

“LMAO Ruby!!! That's too funny.”

“LOL
Some of you ladies kinda like them too. ;-)”

“At least he wasn't grabbing your vagina!

the editor doesn't get "vagina" ha ha ha
last edited: 1/11/05 11:41:03 AM”

“lmao! very cute”

“Eww, Bison.

But that reminds me of another conversation he and I had recently. He asked me if girls don't have p e n i s e s, how do we pee? I explained to him that we had a vagina and how it's just a little different down there for girls. To that he responded, "Can I see it?" I told him he would have to wait 15 years or so and it wouldn't be his mother.”

“Ruby -

He'll see it in some friend's dad's playboy by the time he's six, trust me.”

“[Putting my fingers in my ears] I can't hear you, la la la la la la la


Damn”

“My daughter was very put out that hers didn't have a name. She used to say that Reece had a wee-wee and she had a wee-wee. Since she was so insistant for a name, my wife coined a woohoo. The other day on Dora the Explorer, Dora said something about a woo-hoo. It was not a fun day for my wife.”

“When my girlfriend's son was 4 and her daughter was 2, they were eating dinner one night where Lizzie was complaining about eating her meal.

John looked at Lizzie, and told her, "Liz, if you eat all your vegetables and drink all your milk, some day you can have a pen1s just like me."”

“Ok this happened a little while back.

Laurel and I were playing on the floor when Laurel's stomach growled very loudly.

She looked at me with astonished big wide blue eyes and said....

Daddy! I have a fart in my belly!”

“heeheehee...it happened a long time ago.
Jennifer was sleeping in her crib just a little longer then expected. when i checked on her she had her poopy diaper all over her face, the walls, the bed... EVERYWHER!!

she did it 3 times. the 3rd time I smacked her ass...never did it again.”

“Ewwwww!

Abby has been making up the best stories lately, keeping us very entertained. The other night she was in the backseat of the car telling her Dad about the painting she made at school that day. It went something like this:

It's a big boat that's never supposed to sink and it ran into a big rock made out of ice and it sank and all the moms and dads and kids died and the fishes ate their bones up and then they got home and went to the doctors and he gave them new blood and they were fine!

How in the heck did my three year old hear about the Titanic?! I can't figure it out. Maybe her five year old neighbor friend saw the movie and told her about it, I have no clue.”

“Nice Ruby!”

“My 4 year old told someone in her class about her vagina yesterday. My wife is a teacher, and a friend/coworker is another teacher there and her kid is in my daughter's class. My daughter told this to that kid.

How embarrasing.”

“My father's friend was bald, and decided one day to get a toupee. He comes over the house and my sister who was about 5 or 6 at the time says to my father's friend, "Joe, I like your new hair." Everyone was mortified, but I still laugh about it and that was over 30 years ago.”

“So last night I went to the gym and worked on arms and shoulders.

I got home and had to get Laurels bath toys out of the tub so I could get cleaned up. So there I am bending over and my arms are all sore so y'all know how you grunt a bit when you can't quite reach stuff? Kind of a reach "uh", reach "oh"?

Lauel came in and saw w=hat I was doing so she grabbed a couple of toys silently and then looked over at me and continued picking up toys while imitating my grunts of pain.”

“Heh heh heh heh...That was damn funny to watch, too.”

“The other day Emma said, "Don't spank me, I'm beautiful."”

“LOL Dayhiker!”

“I don't know if, when, or where, but I'm thinking of trying to get up a kids backpacking trip in the SE. Any interest?”

“LOL! I always look forward to your stories about the kids Dayhiker. Sass and birch's little Abby comes up with some great stuff too. That little girl could just melt your heart.”

“Dayhiker, we're taking Laurel to the Smokies in late April or early May. Maybe we can organize something.”

“I miss those moments when they were small, but thank goodness I have mine past the terrible twos.

At 14, 11 and 10, I am now entering the stage when I am nearly as smart as I was a couple of years ago.”

“My youngest daughter (age 2) had to go to the ER the other day, she had something bad and it gave her Croup (spelling?) for the billionth time. As they were examining her the ER tech asked her what was wrong. She said, with a pouty look: "I'm broken."”

“Lol, Techntrek! That's what Laurel would say. How is she?”

“My niece always hated eating and it was torture for her to have eat everything on her plate. When she was about three I was having dinner with them and we were eating chicken. Well my niece starts acting like she's choking to try and get out of eating. So my brother gave her a litte tap on the back of the head. She gets this shocked look on her face and says, "Daddy! That's why I choke my chicken!".

I thought my head was going to explode from trying to hold it in.”

“Nigal and tek, funny.

Emma likes to wear her Snow White dress 24/7. We're going back to Disney in Sept for a conference I have. They can't wait. Want to lose an arm? Try to take off teh Snow White costume.

TB - that might be a possiblity for us. Reece loved his trip to the photo Sipsey trip in Nov. He's hiked with MDS's daughter too. What area of the Smokies are you considering?”

“I'm not sure, maybe the Cades Cove area. You and HPM know that area much better than I do.”

“I just sent pics to our last CC trip.”

“treebait - she's doing much better now. The steroid shot cleared her up, although she still has the cold. At least she can breathe Ok. Now her mother has the same bug and is out from work. I fought it for a few days - still not perfect but enough to come to work.”

“My wife was trimming my youngest son's hair last nite. When she was finishing, he told her to cut his "pear hairs". Obviously he meant to say peach fuzz...”

“My wife cut Emma's hair about a month ago. She left the scissor out. I thought Emma was upstairs with mom, she thought that Emma was downstairs with me. Emma was in the living room cutting her hair with the scissors. My wife cried.”

“One of my piano students one day asked me what I would do if she was bad and didnt practice that week (she is 5). I told her that I would be disappointed and would hope that she would practice more the next week. She then said that she wanted to be spanked and told that she was a bad, bad girl. I was at a loss for words....”

“I think the mom needs to know about that one.

How do 5 yo's do in piano lessons. My son is about to turn 5. He seems musical and mathematical. I think he has the curse of the engineer.

We have the soundtrack to Elf and still play it post Christmas. My wife hummed about 3 words from a song and he proceeded to sing every single word in Santa Clauses Party. He's never mentioned even liking that song.”

“My son cut his hair late last year, at his sister's behest. My brother took to calling him "Commander Tal" because he looked like a Romulan.

I don't think he'll be cutting his own hair again any time soon.”

“Emma does have a bit of a Romulan look.

Commander Tal, that's a goodie.”

“When mine were young, one of them asked me why I used the push mower to mow the lawn instead of the tractor. I told them I needed the exercise. With a completely straight face they asked me why, then, didn't I push the tractor around.”

“DH - I dont recommend starting a 5 yr old boy with piano lessons. I usually start boys at 7. He sounds like he could have a good musical ear, but boys younger than 7 dont usually have the motor skills to use individual fingers on different keys. Of course, their are exceptions. Some community music schools offer classes for small children in general music to get their ears trained and to develop pitch.”

“Thanks for the tip. I'd been meaning to ask you that and your post brought it back to my attention.”

“My father-in-law wants to enroll Laurel in what he calls a gymnastics class but I know for a fact is a feeder group for cheerleading teams. ~SHUDDER~”

“Emma takes dance every Tuesday.

It's funny to see a 3 year old do the moves and try to say, Tondu-pahsay (sp?) and Plea-Straight.”

“dayhiker...you know Becky and I would participate in a backpacking trip. :)”