Kids say the darndest things

“Farts.
Lots of farts.”

“Go with the barbwire armband and staying away from the tramp stamp on the lower back ;).

I miss the days you guys are talking about. My 11 yo daughter has started saying "well duh" to us when we say something she thinks is old news. My wife told her everything would be old news by the time she would be allowed to talk again”

“Wedding Crashers reference, hyway?”

“I think that was in wedding crashers, but it was in the vernacular long before that movie.”

“We were sitting at breakfast on Sunday morning. Dug had gone to the bathroom and the Madster says "where's Daddy? Let's go find him"

she's 18 months old!”

“Laurel's not getting any of THESE tattoos... the first one really weirded me out.

Anatomical tattoos:

http://streetanatomy.com/blog/?p=132”

“TB - I finally googled "Puff Magic Dragon Tattoo" Boy, you can't undo that.”

“So I heard! Lol! THat's not a use I'd ever have thought of for a wooden spoon.”

“The spoon ref took me a second to recall. Wonder if that was a throwaway or if he now uses it to stir when he's cooking vegetable soup?”

“The tat artist has probably reused it one other clients since then.”

“Don't touch that spoon, do you know where it's been? Yikes!”

“All over, apparently.”

“LOL.”

“You guys do know the lower back Tat is a Navy symbol.

It means the wearer is available to any sailor and has multiple PORTS of entry...(LOL)”

“This baby is hilarious! Work safe.

http://www.ziddio.com/oneVideo.zd?dispatch=fetch&artifactId=10759”

“omg.....that made my day....sooooooo cute!!!!!!”

“That was so funny! I should save that for a sour day. Thanks Ruby!!”

“i got to my first class today. the first hours are generally very young students, im guessing maybe 2nd grade/3rd grade. there are only 4 students in the class, and 2 were absent, so we only had 2. they were being extremely silly, and the laughter got to the point where it was contagious. several minutes were spent laughing at nothing, laughing at each other laughing, and me trying not to look at the one (james) who was being especially silly and got me going. for the first 15 minutes it was impossible to keep a straight face, and took a serious exertion of will to not let the entire lesson derail. i just wanted to let go and die laughing, but my boss probably wouldnt have liked that”

“Took Grace for a bike ride last night along the river. Town workers have been paving a path along it for weeks now and about 2 miles are finally complete.

It ended near a friend I ride the train to and from Chicago with. We pulled into his driveway and Grace spotted his pimped out Rubicon. She said, I like that Jeep better than yours. Can I have it?”

“lol.....WK.....a true girl!!!!!!!!

CB...aren't kids that age GREAT?????....when I subbed, I loved 1st-3rd!!!!”

“This morning at breakfast Abby told her dad he needed to trim his "Nosebrows".

Just after we installed the new toilet seat Abby tried it out, came out of the bathroom and announced that "Pretty soon my bottom will be big enough to cover the whole seat!". lol!”

“Her happiness at that accomplishment will be short lived, I'm afraid.”

“That statement alone covers a lot!”

“Oh crap, he's back.

Get "behind" me, Satan.”

“Out, damned SPOT!!”

“See Spot run. Run Spot run.”

“Oh no, father is point a gun at spot...”

“LOL @ Abby!”

“OH MAN...what an interview....

Just left a house where we had a mysterious fire...momma and daughter were late getting to the house but we go in (fire was two days ago) and we walk in the bedroom. Fire on bed, nothing major, the family is staying at "alternate housing" apparently they did not call 911 but put the thing out themselves and then called their manager when they needed to get some repairs.

So I go in, bed is away from ANY heat source, fire originated in the general CENTER of the mattress....I ask the usual questions,: smoking,(answer NO BODY SMOKES ...IN-The-House (remember this phrase), no lighters in the house, no candles.

I passed a trashcan with a ashtray full of butts in it...but that was from OUTSIDE.

So the little girl comes in (she is 5 and darling as can be). I look at her and say, "Honey do you or your brother know what a "lighter" is?" The momma says, "I told you we ain't got no lighters"

The girl looks up with an angelic face and says,"Momma (brother's name) gots one from (name of adult male occupant) last week. And I gots yours.." With that she pulls a bic type lighter out of her pocket

Momma takes a look and says,"Thats not hers." ( I bloody well hope not)..but the kicker..it has one of those metal casings made out of pewter or somehting....WITH THE MOTHER's NAME ON IT. OH GOD...this is a great job.

Well apparently sister and brother made a doll house out of a shoebox and were playing with it when they decided to put one of the nonexistent candles in the house....(LOL)....”

“Laurel loved her first day of school yesterday. I asked her which teacher she liked best. "Mrs. O." she replied. I asker her what she looked like . Laurel's response? "A human."”

“:-)”

“LOL...a human, that is too funny!!

geez, XL I have similar conversations with the kids parents...(not about fires and lighters though) but the side steppin' lyin' thru yer teeth kind...”

“Tree...you are so lucky to have a kid with that type of humor...(LOL)...

The best part is I get back to the office and got called "on the carpet" for ..(and I love this) PLANTING THE LIGHTER ON THE KID...(LOL)>

The really sad thing is that you don't get put "out" for a fire, you get put "out" for "filing a false report or attempted fraud in reporting"...the woman was in the good until she accused me of what she did.”

“So I dropped my 16 yr. old daughter off at a soccer game last night. She headed toward the gym, not the soccer field and the following text conversation between us took place.
Me: Where are you going?
Her: To wash the mouse off my hands
Me: Huh?
Her: My mouse made my hands sticky.
Me: What are you talking about, what mouse?
Her: For my hair, Dad!
Me: That would be "mousse".
Her: Oops.”

“LOL
My mouse does tend to get sticky. I only have the full use of my left hand, so sometimes when I have a snack at the computer the mouse gets sticky.
last edited: 8/30/07 11:00:33 AM”

“Boy it was going a direction I truly didn't want to go...(LOL)

Stove it was something related to the old "all I do is sit around watching porn and eating cheetos" joke”

“You peeps are perverts. ;-)”

“I can't believe you guys said what we were all thinking!”

“So last night we went to the store and Laurel and I stayed in the car while Treebait ran inside.

Laurel noticed a lifted pickup with huge oversized tires in the parking lot.

L- "Look a monster truck! It's got high heels on!"”

“Yep, she's female all right. :-)”

“No doubt, she said she wants a monster truck too, only hers would be bubble gum pink.


I can see that.”

“High heels? That is awesome!!”

“Anything new?”

“Did I pass along the one where my wife grabbed Emma's arm and she cries out, "Mommy, Jesus doesn't like it when you do that to me!"”

“My niece fell of the swing and my sister in law said "Jane are you ok?" Jane replied "yep! Gravity just got me!"”

“How about last night while on the way to drop off Barbie's car to get looked at before we sell it. The car stalled while waiting for a train. She got my attention and we switched cars.

Grace was in her car. I asked her when I got in what was wrong with mommies car. She said, "Mommey doesn't like her car anymore daddy. Buy her a new one right now!"”

“Yep, they are all females. ;-)”

“WK - that sounds like those Home Depot commercials where the moms put the kids up to hitting up dad for new stuff.”

“She is right though. The car sucks and it shouldn't.”