I got a Hemi

“My first hemorrhoid that is. What a #&%!$. Dropping a good turd used to be one of my little pleasures in life.

I am due for my annual physical next month. I guess I will get the doc to confirm. The Prep H seems to be working. The directions say not to apply with your finger, butt what do they know.”

“What are ya suppose to use....a spoon?

Maybe the doc will shove it back up in there for ya. Not making fun of ya or anything...well I guess I am cause I have never had one. Good luck! LOL”

“It is not coming out my butt, just a swollen spot on the ole spincter. At least that is what it feels like. I am using an old tooth brush to clean my finger nails.”

“oh gawd...i don't wanna know what a spincter is.”

“"annual physical"...??

Looks like it's gonna be an anal physical.

Via con dios, amigo!!”

“Maybe I misspelled it.”

“Several years ago I had a rather modest woman doctor givin' me "the finger".

She says, "...feels OK to me."

(snap, goes the glove)

Says I, "I don't know, it felt pretty funny to me."

I got a chuckle out of an otherwise poker-faced person.”

“When the doc's giving you a rectal exam, if you feel two hands on your shoulders, you've got a problem.”

“My new doctor does not use the finger. He gave me a long explaination for the reasons that it was not required, because the type of cancer....a man of my age...couldn't be detected....a digital exam...blah, blah, bhah. I kissed him anyway.

My old doctor retired. Even though he was not a large man he could make a big fist. We hated each other.”

“My guess is that she is Philipino, probably a catholic, very straight-laced.

She was probably thinkin', "......great, I've got my finger up some clown's ass...."”

“No, that is what you were thinking, clown.”

“i think i might have had hemis on my thru-hike. youve not lived until part of your daily routine is to stick a little tube up your butt in a nasty smelly privy, or while squatting over a cathole”

“Someone tell me they go away.

Mine aren't bugging me now, but two days ago I was pooped.”

“they do

but hiking with them right after taking a crap sucks”

“I did 5 miles this morning. Maybe I am cured:-)”

“use a nutmeg scraper. It works wonders...


My condolences. feel better.”

“i'm really really sorry i read this = really really sorry.

I now know WAY too much about you guys!”

“roam, u are not the only one. i am sittin' here laughing like I am insane.”

“I have to give props to 2poops. I have been able to deal with my problem in a sterile, comfortable environment.

Dealing with this on the trail has been my worst fear. I think I will be ready for next weekends backpacking trip.”

“I laughed, I cried, I shot an apple out of my nose laughing at this freak show of a thread. Thanks for the laugh!”

“You #&%!$ers won't be young forever 8^&”

“Just wait, all you young a$$holes, male and female, are gonna be in the same boat before you know it! ;-)”

“i never said i was laughing!”

“What was I thinking?

I figured lots of folks have this problem and could give advice. I appreciate those who did, but this is not something everyone is comfortable talking about.

I am an open minded @sshole and appreciate like minded (s)t(h)inkers.”

“Plus, My butt hurt.”

“roam you are a lying piece of poop.”

“Gemini is a butt sniffer!”

“Just wait til you have kidney stones and a pretty little nurse has to thread your needle to let the pressure off your bladder...OR... you've had a little problem with your colon and you get to have the blacksnake with a flashlite sliding in yo butt!!!! Been there..done that! So I ain't so young as I use to be!”

“I got a hernia...whats the big deal?”

“was anyone talking about hernias? i dont think so. go fix a bacon ring sandwich : P”

“allright, I'll admit that i did snicker just a little.”

“Ever have a hemorrhoid start bleeding ? On a multiday backpacking trip ? Yep it happened to me - finished the trip with a wad of toilet paper stuck between my cheeks. For the next year I backpacked with some emergency supplies just in case it happened again.”

“Ever had blood in your ejaculate? Happened to me. Came so hard I shot out my prostate.”

“I want one too!

”

“Thought we were talking Dodges here... well maybe dodging the hurt bacon ring, I guess.

hehehhe

OK, so I am old, but have lucked out so far. YEAH, me!! ;-)”

“oooh the girls have showed up. since we're all sharing, lets hear about your yeast infections and bikini waxes gone wrong”

“Now thats funny!!!”

“From burnin' A-holes to gas-guzzlers.

nice!”

“Hey!! Chicks can have Hemi's...I think??

But what 'bout your last bikini wax or yeast infection CrashBang huh?”

“i had em both at the same time. it was like cottage cheese served on sandpaper”

“I can honestly say I have never ahd a yeast infection. Never. Guess I am lucky :)”

“i didn't want to say it SC...but me not either...

running to find some real wood I can knock...
damn, i hope i didn't jinx it.

but hey...did you know that the hip thing to do is now bikini wax designs? Heart shaped maybe?”

“Cool! I am going to have to do that. I wonder if I can get one shaped as a backpack :)”

“Bbw, walking can make them worse. Be warned.”

“I've never had a hemroid either... ICK!”

“Women having hemorrhoids is almost secondary to having babies.”

“i had 3 babies, and never had them.

uhh...almost forgot...knock on wood. but I won't have any more babies either.
last edited: 1/09/05 11:24:49 AM”

“Yeah, I remembered your post and that's why I said "almost". When I was 19 I worked in a delivery room in Japan. The sight of hemorrhoidal clusters hanging from the underside of women in stirrups is forever burned in my memory. If you think this is TMI for you, whadda ya think it was for me?”

“Good afternoon, perverts!!”

“huh? did you say something?I know someone didn't just call us perverts?

I got to go...was fun chatting about hemmeroids and yeast infections with ya'll, but now I really have to go on my daily run.”