Funniest Hiking Experiences

“It never fails. Every trip has that moment that just makes you laugh and laugh and you never forget the moment. Not surprisingly I have many.

One of the funniest was the time my buddy Larry was just dragging ass going down this muddy hill. So I cut over a bit and start down. My foot goes out from under me, I fall on my back and I’m careening down this 30 degree slope on my ass when one of my poles catches and pretty much catapults me ass over tea kettle and I finish off the slope rolling and grunting. As I’m laying there in the mud, scraped up, pole bent to hell and back I look up at Larry and the look on his face is priceless. Eyes as big as dinner plates and his jaw’s on the ground. “Are you ok?!”, he yells. And I simply reply, “I beat ya to the bottom!”. LOL!

One other time Larry and I were walking along on flat ground and I step on a round stick about 3” around. The stick rolls and my legs are wheeling around like Fred Flintstone trying not to fall. It seemed like I was hanging in mid air forever and the whole time Larry’s behind me yelling, “Ho! HO! HO! HO!”. I end up on my ass and we laugh about it. I told Larry, “Thanks for the help and the warning. What the hell’s with the ho ho ho ho thing?”. “Well I figured if yelled ‘Farris wheel!’ you wouldn’t know what the hell I was talking about.”. So now whenever either of us nearly fall the other one yells, “Farris wheel!”.

Sometimes it’s the people I meet that are funny. One time (again with Larry) we just loaded up and hit the trail when this couple comes out of the woods. Now, I don’t want to call them white trash but when you’re a dirty white chick pushing 250 and you’re wearing stretch pants and a Tweety Bird shirt with no bra and your huge boobs are hanging down to your waist…well. So this trailer park queen and her little greasy boy friend come out of the woods they stop to talk to us. Their eyes are glazed more than a Krispy Kream donut and redder than dog’s pecker and they start asking us about where we’re going, where we’re gonna sleep, do we have tents? She says, “Heeeeellll yeah man! That’s great maaaan! I wish we could just walk off into the woods and live in there foreveeeeer! There’s this tree down the trail and you could just throw your tarp over it and camp out here foreveeeeer man!”. So the whole weekend every time we came to a tree over the trail one of us would say, “Heeeelll yeah man! We could just camp here and stay out foreveeeer!”.

Some of my most memorable and funny times have been with birch. Like the time we hiked in near Jordan River in 8” of snow in the dark and couldn’t tell where the hell the trail went so we set up a small camp and froze while getting drunk. We started a fire but the wood was wet and wouldn’t take. It was birch’s personal mission to get that damn fire going. Took for ever but we finally got it. On that trip the sleds provided the humor. Birch was out front just chugging along with this sled about as long and wide as a semi trailer and I’m waaaaaay behind hind him with my Walmart sled. But I was just close enough for him to hear me every time the sled would tip over….”Gawddamnitmotherphuckersonofabltch!”. LOL!

My latest funny moment was when I got up in the middle of the night to let Honey go pee and to relieve myself. After we got back in the tent I smelled this horrible smell almost like skunk. I thought maybe Honey got sprayed or something but it wasn’t quite that bad. I smelled it all night and in the morning I rolled over and was facing my hiking boots right by my head. There was dog shlt all over one of my boots. No wonder! LOL!

Goooood times!”

“This past weekend Mike and I couldn't cross a creek, but there were tons of big rocks. We throw rocks until I can catapault over. I'm about to make a better place for him to land when he picks up this huge rock and asks me to step back. I take about 3 steps back and he throws the rock. I didn't step back far enough. I got soaked in 40* weather. He said that the look on my face pretty much said it was a good thing there was a creek between us.”

“Great stories Nigal.”

“My favorite hiking story involves "Trey", and a pistol, and a genuine fear of bears.”

“Oh creek crossings are a great source of fun! Especially when your hiking partner is borderline OCD and doesn't want to get wet. LOL!”

“Second time out, I met CMB, Crash Bang and a few others up at Hoist Lakes in Michigan. The day was perfect, everything went well. Very little pain in the knees too!

That night I forgot to pack up all my stuff. I slept with my fly off of my brand new MSR Microzoid. At about 2 AM, a raccoon passed right by my head which was pressed up against the mesh of the tent. I heard the rattling of a pot, then CMB yelling!

The raccoon grabbed my small pot which had my breakfast in it and split. Mike got out of his bivy faster that I thought was possible and gave chase. 2 minutes later he came back with the pot, but the animal got away with breakfast (oatmeal)

Just listening to Mike scream at this creature while he chased was as funny as hell.
last edited: 1/18/05 10:17:59 AM”

“LMAO @ everyone!
Too funny.
I really can't think of anything right now, but I am sure I had my funny moments.”

“Once I was setting up camp when this racoon came right up to us and stood on his back legs begging for food. We shooed him off and started setting up the tent. I look over and he's in my gallon sized bag of gorp on the picnic table. I yell at him, he grabs the bottom corner of the bag and runs for it. Of course the bag was open and he runs off 50' away leaving a 50' trail of gorp and he's holding this empty bag in his mouth. "Are ya happy now? We're both screwed!". LOL!”

“The entire Ithaca car camping trip was one funny experience after another.”

“I once was trying to step over a stream in the Smokies to see if it was possible to slide down the cascade into a pool. I sliiped and bounced down 3 levels of boulders while backwards and turned just in time to hit the main pool. It's a wonder I didn't bump my head and drown.”

“French Chief Gremlin was the best. That was one you had to be there to experience.
last edited: 1/18/05 10:25:55 AM”

“Very true Zac!”

“Mine all involve Boy Scouts. (go figure)

So about 3 years ago I was at Russel Field shelter with some Scouts. Captain Obvious was wishing he had brought some camp shoes cause his boots were soaked and it ending up being a warm afternoon.

So the Captain got the bright idea of duct taping his boot insoles to his feet. Ok, I thought, it'll work if you wear socks and tape them in place.

Oh no, not the Captain. He duct taped them to his bare feet. Kinda dumb but no real tragedy yet.

Well a bit later nature calls and the captain sets out with TP and trowel in hand. Before too long we hear loud yells and cursing and the Captain hobbling back favoring one leg.

Ho boy I thought, he hurt his leg and we have some miles left to do.

Not quite, he stepped in to a big pile of human crap.”

“Ha Ha!”

“From my High Sierra Trail hike

So we are packing up and Captain Obvious is walking around blinking and announces that his contact lense fell out last night.

Madman: Don't you use daily wear lenses?
Capt: Yep
Madman: And you don't take them out at night?
Capt: Nope
Madman: Huh. Well, just put in your spare pair.
Capt: I didn't pack one.
Madman: You what?
Me: You DID pack your glasses in case of something like this, RIGHT?
Capt: Nope, my glasses are so out of date that it would stupid to bring them.
Madman and I: Riiiiiiiight, stupid you say.
Capt: Hey I got a spare set coming in the resupply though.
Me: That's five days away. What will you do until then? One contact will mess with your depth perception pretty bad.
Capt: I've got an idea about that.

We continue packing and Madman and I exchange "what the hell was that kid thinking by not packing a spare set of contacts on a two week trip" looks.

Captain Obvious walks over to us and says. "Ok, got it covered." He was sporting a duct tape eye patch over his right eye. Conviently taped to his cheek and over his eyebrow.

Madman and I look at each other, look back at Captain Obvious.

Madman, Lightening Rod and I in unison: Dumbass!

So away we went. Me, Lightening Rod, Madman and the Home Depot Pirate. Arrrgh, matey!



Captain Obvious and duct tape always make for humor”

“I remember that post.”

“great thread!”

“I remember that too. Yall should have ripped off his patch, with eyebrows attached. That'd be even funnier.”

“Mine involved a buddy of mine using white gas to build a campfire... you fill in the rest!”

“No offense ms. fire, but there is someone else who earned the namd "Scorch" on the trail.”

“Home Depot Pirate? Haha!”

“Thanks for the laughs!”

“LOL.

Are we doing another cook-off?

I'm gonna thimk outsida the box for the next one.”

“Oh, geez. I am laughing so hard as I sit here at the office. I am trying so hard to not attract attention, but I'm not doing a very good job.

Thank you for brightening up my afternoon.”

“ditto, what she said!”

“After several unsuccessful attempts at throwing the food hanging rope over the branch, my buddy takes the rope from my hands. He reties to rock, winds up and throws. Beautiful shot, right height, far enough out. He takes his bow, standing on the other end of the rope, straighting up just in time to see the rock swinging back right at ball level.
He jumped out of the way, and I fell off the log laughing.”

“Of course Gremlin! I have already tried what I am preparing once. I am going to try it one more time before the trip to make sure I have everything right.”

“A friend of mine asked to borrow my water filter. I have an MSR filter that breaks down in to three parts. The pump, the filter chamber and a cap to keep the output clean. He had a Nalgene so I gave him mine to fill up also. The Nalgenes screw right to the bottom of the filter.

After ten minutes he askes, where does the water come out. I told him to unscrew the bottom. Knowing the limited mechanical knowledge of this guy I looked over while I set up my tent. Something was not right.

He had taken the filter off and had the pump mechanism screwed onto my Nalgene with the filter cartridge laying on the gravel.”

“Dub and I had been up late drinking while at a campground with Ruby and SloppyJoe. Dub had an entire bag of marshmallows that he apparently felt needed to go away. First we began baiting the local racoon population when Dub got the great idea of tossing them towards car campers tents. The 'coon, of course, just wanted the marshmallow and ran over there making all types of racket. To hear these groan adults squeal was a treat. (Oh my god! There's something out there!) The next morning it was all we could to not bust out laughing when people were saying, "Did you hear something out there last night? I think a racoon got into our stuff!"”

“this one time, in band camp......”

“we dont wanna know”

“I won't mention who but I once went backpacking with a TTer several years ago and while taking a break on the trail I noticed that he/she had their sock liners on the outside of their hiking sox!!!!LOL just thinking about it!~”

“HPM....the story about Captain Obvious is one of my fav TT stories!!!!”

“Me too.
The Captain is one of favorite guys to hike with. I'm so bummed he's turning 18 and going off to college soon.”

“I always hike faster than my 6'4", 230lb friend...he's in better shape than me. I guess cardio-wise he's not as good as me.

Anyways, on one hike, going downhill, I was pulling further and further away from him. I stopped and turned to look at him after crossing a little stream. He was rushing to get to me. As he was putting his foot down on the last rock after crossing the stream...and muttering the words, "Whew, finally caught up to you." His foot slipped and down he went...got all wet and muddy. I laughed out loud, looked at him pathetically and said, "Bigger they are...harder they fall."

And icing on the cake...he refused to borrow one of my hiking poles earlier.”

“I remember a good one.... When I was about 14 back in days in Boyscouts (seems to be a pattern of funny stories lol) we were doing our freezing cold weekends to get our PB Patch. It was at rice woods anyways there was this kid (we called him spam long story short thats all he ate on campouts) he would never listen to anyone, we told he that he shouldnt wear his snow mobile suit in his 0 degree rated mummy bag, his response was its freaking cold, well you all are seeing where this is going , by morning he was soaked from condensation and while we were drinking coffee by the fire he comes running out of his tent screaming I'm freezing and I kid you not jumps into the fire, we quickly pulled him out of the fire, he had singed his eyebrows off but was fine, at the time we were freaked out but later it became a running joke, needless to say he never made that mistake again

~SBH~”

“You guys were already drinking coffee at age 14!!?? You all must be very jumpy. :o)”

“Yeah coffee was a staple of our hiking diet, we had very ethusiastic scout masters so we never knew what they had in store for us and it usually ended up very demanding, they thought we could learn the fireman carry by putting 100 lb sand bags on our shoulders and running un a 45 degree hill.

Cruel and unusual punnishment lol

~SBH~”

“Hey Pat,

If you are interested, I may be heading down to Hoosier National in May for a weekend trip if you are interested. I am not too far from you (Highland IN - just outside of Chicago)

I will post it on the trip page.”

“Hey wounded knee, thanks for the offer, Everyone on this site has been so helpfull, I've never been to the HNF it sounds exciting, since visiting this site my schedule is quickly filling up lol, thanks to all my new friends, post your trip and I'll take a good look and see if I can make it, thanks wounded knee”

“HPM, in any other context your being bummed out about a guy turning 18 and going to college wouldn't sound quite right.”

“Not a hiking story but oh well.

When I was lad in the Scouts we once did a canoe trip in the St. Marys river. (Fl GA northeast border)

We had a overamped litle guy in the troop named Mike G. So on the last day most of us were in camp and we were waiting on the last few to make it in. So there we were going for a swim and Mike was wearing a life jacket because we would run upstream and jump off a ledge and float back to camp. Kinda fun after a day of paddling.

Before too long one of last canoes comes around the bend and in it are the two lagest guys in the troop. Mike M. and Howard. Mike was just big, Howard was a high school football linebacker. All muscle and freaking huge.

Mike G. starts freaking out and daring Howard and Mike to hit him with the canoe. The close they get the more spaztic Mike gets. Hit me! Hit me in the head! HIT ME IN THE HEAD!!!

Howard was already tired and sunburnt and now he's getting pissed off. He gets in the power position (bow racing crouch) in the canoe and just starts diggin in. Remember how I said he was huge? Yeah, well the canoe takes off like a rocket right at Mike G. I mean fast like a scull!

Apparently Mike thought he would duck dive under the canoe at the last minute.

He forgot he was wearing a life jacket.

Mike pops up with dinner plate sized eyes as the bow of the canoe impacted his forhead.

POW! Totally cold cocked, eyes spinning, tounge lolling out of his mouth.

We dragged him out of the water and all he could say was, "I was only trickin'."
last edited: 1/19/05 11:39:27 AM”

“No problem SBhiker.”

“Teenaged boys have to be the stupidest things God ever created.”

“Sometimes I am suprised we as a species ever survived much less obtained dominance.

DH- Yeah I know. It's more like when your kids leave home.”

“One of my friends and I traveled to the Cumberland Gap area years ago to go car camping and white water rafting as a bachelorette trip. We drove from Michigan and arrived after dark and began putting up the small dome tent we had borrowed from her sister.

We had never put up her sister’s tent before (we only had experience with those old square canvas tents)… we didn’t know how the poles worked, and that they had to hook into the rings on the bottom of the tent. There was an extra elastic bungee cord, which we tied around the top of the tent where the tent stakes intersected. We poked the ends of the tent poles into the ground. We had no idea how the fly attached and just gave up on that entirely.

It wasn’t until we were about halfway through our attempt at raising the tent, that we finally figured out that light might be helpful, and then we turned on our propane lantern…Until then, it was pitch black and we discovered that we had no tent stakes. I wandered around the campsite, looking for small sticks to use as makeshift tent stakes… I happened to have a bunch of thin magic markers, and ended up using them as tent stakes.

The next morning, we awoke and found out we had perched our tent about 6 feet from the edge of a 30-foot cliff…. Thankfully, I didn’t accidentally walk off the cliff the night before!

We also figured out how to PROPERLY put up our tent in the morning….

Moral of the story:
1) put on your lantern as soon as you get to the campsite.
2) Make sure you know how to use your equipment before leaving home!!

We had a good laugh the next day—and we ended up buying some large 6-inch long nails to use as makeshift stakes!”

“Last year 4 of us did a section hike on the AT near Port Clinton. We shuttled a car to the opposite end to hike to. The next day we we arrived at that car, we realized that the keys were left in the other one. Needless to say, there was no spare key. We didnt bring a cell phone (it was locked in the car). One of us had to hike 4 miles down to a pay phone to call his wife to run out a spare key. She still calls us idiots to this day.”

“I'm always OCD about the location of my keys on trips.”

“Me too, but I'm OCD, so it makes sense.”

“It was a case of "I thought you had-em".”