Nigal's Handbook to Good Husbandry

“Rule #28473:

If you use the last ice cube in the tray while retrieving a beverage for your wife you are not obligated to refill said ice tray.”

“Nice try Nige.”

“Rule #18473:

If you use a measuring cup to measure water then the measuring cup is still considered clean and should be put back in the cupboard.”

“Rule #3847:

Because men use toilet paper at a ratio of 7:1 per use and women use it at a rate of 1:1 husbands have no obligation to refill the roller when it runs out.”

“Are you married Nigal?

And if so does your wife have internet access? lol

JC”

“A wonderful wife of 15 years. No she doesn't know of this place and she never will. It is my "safe place".”

“I thought husbandry was farming and agriculture? LOL”

“Good one Ruby!

Since men use the toilet seat down 35% of the time and women use the seat down 100% of the time the seat should be left down since it is used in the down position most of the time!

TAKE THAT!!!”

“Yea Sister!”

“My favorite (married 23 years) is the statement possed as a question!

Example...
Wife) Honey where do you want to go to dinner?
Husband) The Outback would be fine.
Wife) Really?
So the discussion begins and 10 minutes later she says where she really want to go.

SOLUTION....

Wife) Honey I would like to go to Fridays for dinner is that ok?
Husband) Fine!

JC”

“I diagree about the toilet seat. I figure If I can lift it up, she can put it down. I say this as more of an intellectual excercise since Sass would put a boot in my arse post haste if I left the seat up.”

“My wife makes me sit down to pee. :(


last edited: 1/30/05 7:12:24 PM”

“There's really only one way to fix the toilet dilemma.

Two words: battleship toilet.

”

“Some day I hope my future daughters-in-law thank me. I am raising my sons to ALWAYS put down the seat.


Actually, I think the answer to the lid down or up battle is to say both sexes should always put the seat AND the lid down. Requires effort on everyone's part. Problem solved.”

“The seat on my toilet doesn't stay up anyway...it hits up against a bathroom organizer thingy that's behind it. Before I got the organizer thing, it did the same thing if I put a fuzzy cover on the lid.”

“The obvious answer to the toilet seat issue is:

If it is not in the position you need it, move it.”

“You got a fuzzy toilet seat cover??

(rollin' on the floor..................)”

“Ruby I will forever and a day remember my mother cleaning the bathroom and saying, "I can't wait for you boys to have your own house because I'm going to come over to your house and pee all over YOUR walls.". LOL!”

“LMAO!! I like your mom already!
last edited: 1/30/05 7:32:08 PM”

“LOL @ Nigal!”

“I like this subject. Even when I prove my point on the seat stuff I always lose. I know right now that our seats are down, and always will. LOL I got a lot of laughs on this post and also my wife. Nigal your cool.”

“Another thing, the toilet paper roll HAS to be installed dispensing the paper over, not under.”

“LOL My wife tells me that.”

“There really is only one rule when it comes to marriage and that is:

#1. Always listen to your wife.

Women are pretty smart, so you can't go wrong listening to them, and then you will always have a happy marriage.

The reality is every marriage is different and what works for one couple may not work for another.”

“Married 35 years & no rules apply, however I do keep the toilet seat & cover down to prevent objects from the cabinet above from falling in.”

“I agree with catshiker.
To hell with the seat issue, they have lids for a reason.”

“While traveling was listening to Wisconsin Public Radio, and one caller said that when you flush the toilet, some of the contents splashes 10 feet away. Is that an argument to keep the lid down? Although, it was a female caller. *smirk*”

“I started laughing so hard when I saw the title to this thread that I almost fell out of my chair.

Rule#1 (should be)

The wife gets to make up the rules. The wife has the option of changing those rules at any time. No matter how the husband follows the rules, he must always take the blame for getting them wrong.”

““Rule #18473:

If you use a measuring cup to measure water then the measuring cup is still considered clean and should be put back in the cupboard.”

i agree with this one”

“I agree with the water in the measuring cup rule.”

“SF...we must be the ones doing the dishes LMAO”

“Rule #2846:

If you can fit one more thing in the trash can, be it actually IN the can or on the pile on top without said trash falling off the pile you are exempt from changing the trash bag. Men are better at stomping trash so the likeyhood of the husband ever having to change the trash is slim to none.”

““Another thing, the toilet paper roll HAS to be installed dispensing the paper over, not under.”

'Ay edith, who put da terlet paper on backwoids?'”

“Rule #28473! LOL! That handbook must be as long as a Michener novel!”

“The number of lessons I've learned at the sharp end of a glaring look are limitless.”

“Is there a chapter on Mind Reading?”

“another rule..towels used to dry down a clean body after showering or bathing ARE NOT DIRTY..they are just damp!

and of course, measuring cups are still clean after measuring water..just remember to turn them upside down to dry..”

““Is there a chapter on Mind Reading?”

No, just one single hard, fast rule. Whatever you think they're thinking, it's the opposite.”

“Going to dinner with Cottosocks usually involves this exchange:

CS: Honey, do you want to go out to eat?

Chili: No.

CS: Well then you have to go to the grocery store.

Chili: Hell, if I have to go to the grocery, I might as well go out to eat.

CS: Good. (Silence)

Chili: Ok, where do you want to eat?

CS: I don't care (exact quote), where do you want to eat?

Chili: Hooters.

CS: No, pick somewhere else.

Chili: [Insert any restaurant name here](really doesn't matter which one because it will be the wrong one)

CS: Well, I guess that is ok. (Silence)

Chili: Just get it over with and tell me where you want to eat.

CS: I don't care, anywhere you want to, but I don't think I am in the mood for [previously named restaurant]

Chili: Then where do you want to eat (raised voice)

CS: If you are going to be an #&%!$, I will stay home.

Chili: Fine. That's what I wanted to do anyway.

CS: The go to the #&%!$ing store.

Chili: Just get your coat and tell me where you want to eat.

CS: Do I have to make every decision?

Chili: Just pick a place that serves whiskey.”

“Yes matahari, there are rules to bath towels.

Rule #3721:
A bath towel is not ruled to be 'dirty' until the towel is no long pliable and retains the shape of whatever it was hung on or over. The proper procedure for this is to go ahead and use it one more time, blow your nose in the towel and then throw it in the hamper.”

“Rule #1836:

It’s funny when they fart but disgusting when we do.

Rule #1836.subsection a:

They don’t fart. They fluff.”

“And our fluffs smell like roses.”

“Yeah it’s like you shoot bunnies and potpourri out your bums yet I get called Garbage Ass!”

“That reminds me of something that happened Saturday night. I had my 2 sons plus 2 more little boys in my vehicle. As we were driving around, of course, they were making the requisite stupid boy noises and burps and erupting into laughter over it. I told them to go ahead and have fun making all those disgusting noises, but that if they did that, then I was going to fart without abandon and lock the windows shut.

LMAO”