"XXX" Adults Only Red River Gorge Trip - TR

“Like most of the time lately I wasn't really planning on going on a trip. It was AGAIN a last minute decision. Towndawg was nice enough to send me the details via email. I worked a little Friday morning, and finally got ready. After my pack was packed I decided to check out the local gear store. Didn't really find anything, but hey... they had awesome hiking clothes on sale. I didn't really need any new hiking clothes. Great stuff though, Patagonia really, really cheap. I was tempted!

12:06PM and I still was in Columbia. Yeah...it took me a little while to get my ass moving. Drive to the Gorge was nice, the weather was great and I loved the short drive on Hwy 23. Not sure if it was Virginia or Tennessee, but there were a couple awesome views. I am not going into the whole Virginia nightmare this time. I still dislike that state...but #&%!$ 'em!!!

About 8 hours and 400 some miles later:
I got to the Parking Lot at Red River Gorge around 7 PM. Changed my clothes next to my car and that's when someone drove up. It was a ranger asking me if everything was okay. LOL Sure!!! There I stood....all...well...I was almost dressed. That did give me the opportunity though to ask him where the exact trail head entrance was. Great, so now I didn't need to search for it, that at least saved me some time. I started hiking toward the trail head when I saw another set of head lights. I turned around to check who it was, and found Anonymous Coward there. Well, I really didn't know who he was until he introduced himself. I guess I don't have to hike in alone tonight. LOL I sometimes wonder where else you wait for a complete stranger in the dark and then "walk" with this stranger into a dark forest? Only on TT. LOL Well...only hikers I should say!


Our complete group on day one

Yeah, so we started to hike, and realized early on how difficult it was to see the trail. We got lost a couple times and climbed a couple hills for no reason. We finally found Trail #221 Rough Trail, I think it was a little after 9 PM when we finally found the rest of the bunch. Ruby, Fridge, sticks, PhantomSoul, and Hubcap. Jerbear was already in in his tent snorring away, old slacker! We didn't hear from Towndawg or Trekkingirl yet. All the others sat around the campfire... We introduced ourselves to the TTers we didn't know yet, said "Hi" to familiar faces and talked for a little while. Fridge explained to us that when he found TrailTalk he was shocked to see female hikers. He never really belived that such creatures existed. That was too funny!

Shortly after we arrived I set up my brand spanken new Black Diamond Lighthouse tent. [insert deep voice here] YEAHHH!!!!!

Like I said earlier, we all talked for a little while but I hit the sack pretty early that night.

Next morning arrived quickly, after breakfast Trekkingirl finally found us. She lost Towndawg somewhere on the way up here, so we were all hoping to find him at the parking lot. Yes, and so it was. Towndawg was waiting for all of us at the parking area. Like always a big "hello" hug!

Our plan was to drive to another destination and hike the area. Hmm... Indian steps I think it was called. Very nice hike, lots of scrambling, I love that sort of stuff. During the first 1/4 mile or so we came by a cable bridge. I decided not to cross it, but would definitely try on our way back. LOL. Yeah, still scared of hights, but hey...I'll at least try! The weather was awesome, chilly but nice. It really was a beautiful area and I could see why this called a climbers paradise. We had some awesome views. I can only imagine how pretty this area will be during spring.

Like planned I did cross the cable bridge on our way back to the cars. I think sticks took some pictures. Hope he will post them soon.

Awesome View

After this hike we decided to hit the local pizza place, only to find out that it was closed for the season. Jerbear knew of a park restaurant, and that's where we went instead. Food was okay...I am picky, so it really didn't overly excite me too much.

We still had to backpack to a campsite, and it was already late. That's when Towndawg came up with the crazy idea to get a hotel room. WTF?? We are here to hike and to camp, not to watch TV and get a room dammit!! Hmm....yeah...it's not that easy guys!! If you get the offer to sleep in a warm bed...well...it's hard to resist. So, Towndawg, Ruby, Hubcap, Trekkngirl and myself got the room. Jerbear drove home, Anonymous Coward drove home, Fridge, Stick and PhantomSoul decided to camp. We made sure we knew where we could find them the next morning to meet back up with them.

Okay....so where was I? Oh yeah.... So we got the room. Ruby and me experienced some local flavor when we tried to buy some hard liquor. All we found was a little "store" that sold beer and wine coolers, but hey...that place was pretty #&%!$in' interesting. I still don't know what the old guy tried to explain to us. Ruby and me just looked at each other and agreed with the guy...whatever he had said. The attraction of the evening in this little hillybilly town was the road block. The local drunks asked us with a glassy look if we saw the road block. We didn't and that's what we told them.

After having our fun with the locals, Ruby and I arrived at the hotel with some wine coolers and some corona, oh...and some Boone's. We all sat in the hotel room and talked. We took turns in the shower, and it now was Towndawgs turn to take his shower, when all of a sutton I heard this whistling and singing from the bathroom. Automatically I turned around and there IT was!!! Towndawg, butt naked, with only a tinny towel covering barely the front of this body. Oh... look away...look away!! AWWWWW!!!

That's all it took for me to take one of Trekkngirls mixed drinks. I sure needed it now!

Freshly showered but thank god now dressed Towndawg went outside to smoke a cigarette.

I decided to jump on the bed for a little while, which seamed to really amuse my friends the TrailTalkers. Aww...you TrailTalkers are all so easily to amuse. LOL . What was funny though was that Ruby took pictures and while I screamed all out of breath "PUSH IT!! PUSH IT!!"... Towndawg was wondering what the hell was going on in the room. He came in shaking his head. We all laughed until it hurt. LMAO.


Push it!! You think Hubcap thought I lost it?

After we had our fun jumping and laughing, it finally was my turn to take my shower. I made the mistake of taking my Benadryl right away. Big mistake!! I got tired way too early and the damn Benadryl knocked my ass out. I sort of heard the others play a couple games, and even answered to their questions once in a while. I felt like I am awake but not wanting to move... You know what I mean? I was just really, really tired and lazy. I should've known better too. Benadryl does that to me all the time.

Oh man, oh man, OH MAN... Yeah...I had realized that Ruby and Trekkingirl already took over one of the beds, but I never really thought about the other bed, and THAT ONE empty spot. Who gets it. HUH?? I already took over one side of the bed. I was half awake when I heard Towndawg and Hubcap decide that Hubcap would sleep on the floor, and Towndawg would sleep in the bed with ME!!!! HELP ME!! HELP ME!!! SOMEONE!!! PLEASE!!! Did I hear this correctly? I have to sleep with Towndawg in one bed?? (Sorry Towndawg...I don't mean that in a mean way, but....someone HELP ME PLEASE!!! LMFAO).

I was pretty much all night long on the edge of the bed...almost on the floor.... Towndawg taking over the whole bed, and me worried that I would touch any body part of him. Oh boy! I don't have to tell anyone that I didn't have the best night of sleep. I am really sorry Towndawg, but it had to be said. I was scared.... LOL

I tell ya, the next morning did not come fast enough. And hey....I don't mean that in a mean way...but I really don't want to sleep with you ever again!!!! Finally!!! Next morning arrived, Towndawg and Trekkingirl had to get back home to Tennessee. It was now only Ruby, Hubcap and myself that needed to find Fridge, Sticks, and PhantomSoul. After grabbing some breakfast at the Shell Gas Station we found them at the campsite and decided to hike the trail to the arch first. (forgot the exact name).

OH....this is going to be a huge TR. There is so much to tell. I am sure I'll forget at least half of it.

It was now Sunday, and it rained pretty much all day.
So we hiked the trail to the arch, did a lot of scrambling up to the top, but not all the way up to the arch itself. I don't think you can do that without ropes. I do know there is a trail that leads up to the top, but we didn't hike it, I already was up there 2 years ago, so I didn't care if we hike it to the top or not.


our stupid look picture

After we hiked to the arch we decided to put our tents up (Or did we do that before? I completely forgot) Doesn't matter anyway...

We went to a couple more places, one of them was a area where you had to do some more bouldering. I am not sure of the name, I am sure Sticks will tell me after he reads this TR. Fridge and PhantomSoul stayed in the car; Ruby, Hubcap, Sticks and myself continued to hike the short trail to the overview. Of course I needed to try this. I know I am scared of hights, but I had to try. Going up wasn't so bad after taking a couple deep breaths, but coming back down....whhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

I can tell you that I was scared. I could not stop looking to my right and to my left, and there was nothing, so yeah... I was scared, but hey....I had to come back down right? I had no choice. Hubcap was up there too and he got down a short part before me to show me that it wasn't too bad. After freaking out a couple times and telling Sticks with my most serious and angry voice "shut the #&%!$ up" I finally made it almost to the bottom. I now only had to jump a couple feet. OH #&%!$...it really wasn't much, but I still thought about the right and left side of that rock...there was nothing. If I would fall, well...I would fall.... tsss...


shut the #&%!$ up!!!!

Okay...so I got ready to jump...one, two...three....JUMMMMPPPPPP!!!!!! I landed...but I can't remember what or how my legs gave up after that jump. My face landed right in Ruby's crotch. LMAO...I am so sorry Ruby...it was the first for me too. LMAO.... Hubcap laughed so hard he fell backwards like a turtle... Ruby stood there shocked and with both arms in the air. We all laughed so hard, I think I cried. LMAO. Later on Hubcap told us that it looked so funny because everything was almost like it was done in slow motion. Damn, I wish I would've seen this!!!

Anyway, now I know what to expect, and now I know that it's not so bad. I will be back if it's not raining and the rock isn't so slippery. Hey...at least I did it! I wasn't all the way on the top, but close. The wind really got to me too. If you scared of hights and it's windy...well it's not helping.


Hmmmm.....

We laughed all the way back to the campsite.
Before we continued our drive to the campsite, we tried to find a store that would sell alcohol on a sunday. No luck though. No problem...we still had some left anyway. The evening was like always funny and entertaining.
All of us went into our tents around 12AM or so. I didnt' take me long to fall a sleep.


Sunday Night Fun

We got up fairly early the next morning, packed and we said our good-byes. It was great to meet Fridge, Sticks, Hubcap and Anonymous Coward. It was awesome to finally see some old TT faces again: Ruby, Jerbear, Trekkingirl, Towndawg and PhantomSoul. Some of them I haven't seen for a while.

I had a blast!!!

After Thoughts:

Damn Ruby I am sorry my face was in your crotch. ROFLMFAO!!!!!!
I really love scrambling a lot.
Pleazzz...that moonshine wasn't strong at all!!
Hahahaha, PhantomSoul and Sticks are a buncha drunks.
TTers really ARE freaks!! [In a good kinda way]
Holly #&%!$, I slept with Towndawg!!! NOT!!!!
I wish I would have taken a picture of Towndawg coming out of the shower!
Damn, and I almost didn't go on this trip.
TrailTalkers are so easy to amuse!
Big Thanks to Fridge for the dinner. He paid for all 10 TrailTalkers Meal!
Hey!!! I didn't take any "who's crotch is it anyway" pictures!!!
Damn, I need to go back to the gear store and get me something. Anything!
I am gonna kill PhantomSoul one of those days! (bunny ears)
Oh!Oh!Oh! Almost forgot!!! NO blisters!!!! Not one single blister!!! Yeah!!!
Got to clean all this muddy, muddy gear!
LMAO...I am still laughing about this trip. And will prolly laugh at it for a while!

Trails:
I can't remember each exact trail and I have the map in the car. I think we didn't hike more then 8 miles the first day and maybe a total of 4 miles the next day. I rate each trail easy to moderate. I prolly get my ass kicked for my rating. Get over it, I can rate however I want!!!

Couple of gear notes: My new Black Diamond Lighthouse was awesome! Not one leak. My new boots did not give me a single blister!!! My 10 degree Western Mountaineering Sleeping bag: Hmm...first night it was about 30 degrees or so and I was a little bit cold, but just like I said I am a cold sleeper and I did notice my therm-a-rest is leaking air, so I pretty much slept on the ground. But boy...do I love my tent. It's HUGE!!! Party time babeee!!!!!

Like always I took lots of pics. This time even 2 albums:
First Album|Second Album”

“LMAO... the trip report has me rolling on the floor. Praise the lord there are no Towndawg pics in the the leeetle towel. THERE AREN'T ANY, RIGHT??!?

Gem slept with Towndawg... Gem slept with Towndawg... Gem slept with Towndawg (said in that sing-songy type kids voice)

(Gem, I have a feeling you may be quoted on that "most quotable" thread again. LOL! And what about Ruby's crotch???!? LMAO!)

Hubcap... he seemed so prim and proper on his first Yellow River trip, but I think we started the perversion on that and the second trip. WHOA! Now look at where he's gone. LOL! Kudos to ya, Hubcap!! lolololol

(Gem, you are using that icky yellow font again. My eyes, MY EYES, between that the Towndawg image. NOT that there's anything wrong with that!!!)

:-)”

“I missed another great trip. I suck :~(”

“THis is one of the best trip reports ever, nice layout! Too bad I missed it due to skiing! ;-)”

“Thanks gem, u always make a trip,,,,,,interesting to say the least. And we have an aspect of you! LOL!!!!!!!
TD in a mini skirt, PLeaze>>>>>>>>>>!”

“heeheehee...it was funny to say the least.
Dang, I forgot to link this thread to the Trip. shoot!!
Oh, sorry about the yellow. if you select the report with your mouse you can read it a little better.
last edited: 2/22/05 6:03:13 AM”

“Nice TR Gem!”

“Great TR”

“That's one of the best TR's I've ever read Gem!
I sooo wish I could've been there with you guys instead of stuck at home with in-laws. Glad it was such a great trip!”

“laugh-a-minute-Gemini!

poor towndawg.”

“gem you are too funny girl!!!”

“Awesome TR and pics, Gem. Thanks”

“Great trip report! I can't imagine being on a trip with both you AND Ruby. I think I'd come home pee stains on my pants from laughing so much!”

“Too bad Gemini doesn't know how to have fun.”

“LMAO - great pics and report!”

“Gem, you did a great job of covering the trip. As happens at the end of many TT trips, I think this was the best one for me. I certainly haven't laughed so hard for a long, long time. My tummy hurt. I remember Sticks saying at one point that his face hurt from laughing and smiling so much. I'll remember this trip for a long long time.

That guy on King of the Hill who you can't understand his speech, Boom Howser I think? We met him at the beer store. Talk about local color. Gem and I found the hillbillies.

Our night in the hotel room...yes, yes. I felt guilty. But the things that happened there made the trip even more memorable. We even made a movie. Isn't that what consenting adults do in cheap hotel rooms? It will be posted soon.

AC, Sticks, and Jerbear were great guides. We learned a lot about the Gorge from them. AC had some good info. My favorite was the story of the bison on top of Indian Staircase.


When we went to Half Moon Arch, I was impressed with Gem's determination to face her fear of heights by insisting to make the scramble up the rock face. As she came back down, you could see the intensity in her face. Meanwhile, Sticks kept taking her picture and yelling to her until she forcefully yelled "SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!!!" Which, of course, only made him laugh harder. As she came down the last jump, I stood in place to break her fall. I have never before had a woman's face in my crotch. It was so unexpected. And there was a second where both she and I held the position I think in pure shock. Then I looked up and saw Hubcap on his back laughing incontrollably. I'm just glad he happened to be on a ledge that was wide enough for him to do that. BTW, that was Half Moon Arch where that scramble was. That was the funniest moment on the trip.

The scramble up Indiana Staircase was fun. Just as I reached the top of it, I walked past Fridge and Sticks who were looking across the expanse to a cliff with a cave in it. Sticks said to Fridge that they could rappel down the side of the cliff to the cave. To which Fridge replies in total seriousness, "That's doable." As I walked passed him I muttered, "Doable my a$$." Fridge laughed and said "Yep, she's no dummy. She's on to us." The next day at Gray's Arch, Gem, Hubcap, and I scrambled up the huge boulders that ran from the bottom of the arch to midway up. Once we got halfway up and poked around a little, I found a place where one could crawl onto a ledge and get to a place that we had thought was not reachable. So Gem and I crawled on our knees onto the narrow ledge. The overhang prevented us from standing up. It was quite daunting. As we were crawling I yelled down to Fridge who was at the bottom, "Hey Fridge. It's doable!" This morning I discovered that my knees are bruised from that crawl, but it was worth it. I'd love to see the pictures.

We had fun that night around the campfire even though it rained most of the time. There even was an electrical storm that passed through. We stayed dry by standing under the tarp and imbibing. Thanks for sharing your moonshine, Fridge. I was pleasantly surprised at how good it tasted. I was a little nervous when I heard Fridge say that he had asked his wife to pour it into a Nalgene in preparation for the trip and to make sure it didn't melt the bottle. Sticks had a permagrim on his face all evening, and he seemed to have fun poking around in the woods in the dark disturbing the skunks.

Thanks all for a very memorable trip. I would go on another trip with any of you in a heartbeat. I'm sorry that the rest of you couldn't make it, but I'm especially sorry that CrashBang was so close and we didn't hook up.”

“great TR Gem. Glad all of you had a great time”

“Great report and pics Gem, very entertaining.

I wanna know what's up with the Giant Dog Head in this pic, it doesn't look real, is that just the camera angle?



In the pic it looks like the dog's head is as big as Ruby's entire body...
last edited: 2/22/05 8:59:53 AM”

“Enjoyed the trip report...thanks !”

“Bison, that is how big the dog is. Angie was mistaken for a bear by some hikers we encountered on the trail.”

“Calmspirits, Looking forward to meeting you. Fridge was missing you so bad. He was in a hurry to break camp on Sunday morning. :D



Per Fridge's request, here is the recipe for the jambalaya I made on Sunday night. I can't take credit for it. I learned this one from SlowPack TMac.

Saute:
Couple pats of butter or oil
1 foil pack of shrimp
1 foil pack of chicken
2 teaspoons Tony Chacheres Creole seasoning

Add:
1 box of jambalaya mix
(I used Luziannes's. TMac used Zatarin's)
water and oil per instructions on box

I also added crushed red pepper at this point.

Cover and simmer 15 - 20 minutes



The apple cobbler I made that night is Prosecutor's recipe from his cookbook.”

“20 MINUTES!!!??? Good gawd! That's even longer than the damn Enertia meals! You must only get to actually hike about an hour a day with all this standing around waiting for food to cook!

LOL!”

“Excellent TRs sounds like a good time was had by all.”

“another great tt trip report and pics!! thanks for sharing!

and omg that dog IS huge!! : )”

“Here are a few pics. Notice the look on Gems face on Half Moon...I can hear Gem now...STFU!


http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/pjsgone/album?.dir=/af7b&urlhint=actn,ren%3as,1%3af,0”

“I'm having trouble focusing on work today. I keep thinking about the trip. It was SO much fun.

What's up with Kentucky and all the dry counties and places that sell nothing but malt beverages? I mean, isn't that bourbon country? Fridge saved us with his moonshine. That was some awesome stuff.”

“Notice the Ruby qualified that it was the first time she'd ever had a woman's face in her crotch.

Sounds like yall had a blast. I've been leery of the foil shrimp, but that sounded good.

RRG is now on my to-do list.”

“Gem or anyone else, where exactly are the Indian Steps at. I know we covered a lot of ground there 2 yrs ago but we missed that.”

“Hey, Gem! How was the hotel room compared with the "Mapleleaf Motel"? And was Towndawg as much fun as sleeping with Maple and eight guys? One more question: was anyone treated to a 5 AM coffee break, complete with a broken egg shell breakfast?”

“I drove pasxt the Mapleleaf Motel just the other day!!”

“I did too. I even ate at the Slaughtered Wolf twice.”

“ROFLMFAO

Hey, where's Towndawg? I hope I have not upset him. TD...you know I mean this in the most loving way right?? :D

Tree... you can't compare having maple in the sack with having TD in the sack. Let's say I felt a little more comfortable with maple. And hey...you can't beat 8 guys now can ya??

Sticks: STFU!!!!!”

“That's what I thought! :)”

“Yall were depserate if you were drinking Boone's Farm.”

“There was lots being passed around the campfire: moonshine, tequila, Corona, Hard Lemonade, Boone's Farm. I know I'm forgetting something.

And can't forget Sticks' bourbon for breakfast the next morning.
last edited: 2/22/05 12:30:55 PM”

“One more thing:

Check back tomorrow. There will be a link to the movie we made in the hotel room.”

“oh...I have sticks movie...here the link:
Now THIS is funny:
http://gwwebdesign.com/stuff/00.swf

Had to change it into a flash file because my server doesn't take avi files either. still looks the same though.

it's a 5mb file so it will take a while...but I am sure sticks will enjoy that one!
I will have to delete the file after a while...so hurry...

(it's on my server, and i don't want to use too much bandwith)
last edited: 2/22/05 12:34:54 PM”

“All the trip reports I have read this is by far the PIMPEST I have ever read!!!!


Very cool and so well done!!!!!!

8)”

“That's hilarious! How did I miss that?”

“in the parking lot after we came back from Indian Stairs. He danced to my music. Well..he tried to at least. Fridge did too...but I didn't have the camera ready then. Dangit!!”

“Haha! I was wishing I could go on this trip. Glad yall had a great time!

Great TR Gem!”

“Thank goodness Ruby didn't bust me for the crotch comment.”

“Jack Daniel distillery is in a dry county. A few years ago I toured the place and they had a "Special Edition" bottle honoring some milestone of the distillery, that required an act of the State Legislature for them to sell it in their store. (Too many $$$ for me.)”

“Quite a report, Gem. You put some real time into it.

Hey, Ruby, did you find the rice cooked okay after 20 minutes? I burn a serious amount of white gas making that jamalaya, and if it can cook for less time, I'd be thrilled.”

“Oopsy. Double post.
last edited: 2/22/05 5:27:54 PM”

“Dayhiker, not yet. Just wait until we meet for the first time. ;)

SlowPack, It cooked just fine. I used a different brand than you had b/c the store was out of Zatarins. But the rice was totally cooked.”

“I hope Sticks had a couple of drinks before that dance! LOL
last edited: 2/22/05 5:34:25 PM”

“soooo...you typed something so bad that you had to completely delete it?

Bad backslacker!!”

“No Gem I posted to the wrong thread. Then realized it didn't make any sense
on this thread, so I nix it, and wrote in something else to cover my tracks. Busted dang nabbit! ;-)
last edited: 2/22/05 5:38:49 PM”

“AC,

Here's that picture you wanted me to post of the interior of the Om Dome.

”