Crash Bang Outed in Backpacker

“i cant believe no one has done this yet

matt, please ban me!”

“Ban you because you're gay?”

“How's my favorite fearmongerer?


As someone already suggested, I think that would make a great trail name. lol”

“Crash Bang, you can add Rodale's diss to your resume.”

“Crash Bang thang!!

Out, damned spot!!”

“I think they outed that HE AND MAPLE are one and the same!”

“no lizs, I was the forgotten child.

*sniff*”

“Who could ever forget mapleleef ??”

“they didn't forget her, they just didn't know what to say...

kinda like the rest of us.”

“its a crash! bang! fearmongering thang!”

“If you saw the original copy of the article you would have seen why they cut her out of it:

And then three visitors entered our camp. Their names were 'Alice', 'Crash Bang', and 'f&c% you, b@$%@&!$. I'm Mapleleaf' (who I'll just call pottymouth). I'm not making that up.

They had some questions.

"Do you have whistles, in case you get lost?" Alice asked.

"Whistles?" Robbin whispered.

"Lost!?!!" Sara shrieked.

"Yeah ya stupid c*#%. Lost!" barked the pottymouth.

"We're going everywhere together," I siad, relexively patting the Duraflame and gazing into the mid-distance through eyes of pure flint. "No one's going to get lost."

"Ya ignorant f$c&, what &%&##! idiot made you boss?" pottymouth shot back.

"What about if someone has to go to the bathroom at night?" Crash Bang demanded. "And they can't find their way back to the tent? Do you at least have an agreed-upon distress signal?"

You hike into the woods to relax, to get away from life's petty and foolish concerns. You anticipate solitiude, or, if you run into fellow outdoor enthusiasts, you figure they'll be bighearrted, mellow, liveral-Democrat, Greatefu-Dead-loving , life-affirming folks. Then you meet a couple of fearmongers like Alice, Crash Bang and pottymouth. What was their problem?

Steve looked up from his BlackBerry. "Yeah, Crash Bang, we have a distress signal. It sounds like this. 'HELP!!!'"

"You'll need help getting my f#c&!#% boot out of your @ss!"

Steve was kind of a troublemaker, but, I had to admit, he had wit.””

“LMAO!”

“oh man, LMBO!


see it would have made for a better story
:)”