The B@tch

“Maybe some of you remember maybe some of you don't but a few weeks back I had proposed to my GF and this past Saturday night I had found out she had been cheating on me with a guy she works with. I caught her sending "I love you" "I miss you" text messages to him. Needless to saw I'm in shock and totally dumbfounded by all of this after we spent almost 4 years together.”

“I've been in your shoes, jrohner. The worst thing you can ever feel. One of the things that helped was the forums at www.marriagebuilders.com. They have one for those in your situation. That support kept me from disintegrating. I'm praying for you.”

“I captured this off the album linked to your profile.


”

“she looks like my ex from germany.”

“PS: that really sucks. Give it time.

PPS:

I would have serious second and third thoughts about the marriage thing. As in . .there is no way I would do it.


It is tough enough (as tech implied) having to rebuild a marriage after something like this.

But starting a marriage like this??? forget it.”

“Yep, she's a beeyatch alright.”

“lee, you don't know what you would do until you are put in that situation. My response was just like yours, before it happened to me.

I might have said !@#$ her and divorced, but we had 2 kids. I also know it happened under extreme conditions (her mother died, she went nuts), so we worked to rebuild. It is possible if you both work for it.

edit: but in this case I agree with not bothering to try. No extreme circumstances, she'll do it again.
last edited: 5/23/05 3:33:34 PM”

“She looks like my ex from germany.

j/k

Hope you get over it soon jr. Been there, done that.”

“tech, well I think you're one of the lucky ones then. Difficult to get any trust back after something like that happens.”

“i never had anyone cheat on me that i know of so i can't say for sure, but i don't think i could ever truly let it go and start a marriage”

“y2 - its been over 2 years and getting that trust back is still a rocky road. Like others in the marriagebuilders forum, it took about 2 years before things started feeling more normal. But the trust and level of love I felt before are gone. Still working on it.”

“I'm sorry you have to go thru this.
There are decent women out there.”

“Similar thing happened to me. I guess I just kinda switched off over that. I think it's the deception as much as the actual act of cheating that gets to ya.”

“funny how it's always the guy that cheats. /sarcasm”

“Tech . ... I think we ended up on the same page:


"edit: but in this case I agree with not bothering to try. No extreme circumstances, she'll do it again."


that was my thought . . . .there is no marriage (yet) there are no kids. Without those defining committments . . .i'd be hard pressed to move forward on the marriage.


if those defining comitments WERE there . . .then .. .. then i'd do my best.”

“I think if it's happening before they got married, then he needs to get the hell out of dodge, but it all takes time, think things over carefull.”

“"I think it's the deception as much as the actual act of cheating that gets to ya." -y2

Yup. The way the marriagebuilders guy puts it - there are 2 ways to cheat - the physical, and the mental. You can have one, the other, or both (one night stand = physical, long-term = both, someone that is just too close = mental). So the person that gets cheated on has to deal with both aspects. Its a worse experience than dealing with the death of someone close to you.”

“Have fun, Stay single”

“Lying and deception are not very good building blocks for a marriage.”

“I did take the ring back to the jewerly store yesterday. So that pretty much means I'm pulling out and will do my best to never look back. Its the fact that she stood there in front of me on the phone with him then got off and said I love you to me. Kisses me and 30 min after I leave he is there.”

“Its the right decision.”

“And to think I was going to possibly give up my trip to Glaicer to go on a cruise with her. Ugghh I'll never say I give up the outdoors again.”

“Don't try to figure it out.

Go do something for yourself. A looong hike, a new workout program, ... This is the time to redefine yourself and reevaluate where you want to go in life.

Take advantage of it.”

“So you want exclusive love from this girl.
Maybe she loves both of you.

Does she love you less because she loves him too ?”

“Sounds like you made the right decision. Take care of this before the knot is tied.

I know too many people who are now married and have kids and are miserable.”

“I think you hit what I need to do right on the head. Time to get into all the things I have avoided because of her and to seriously figure my crap out. As much as I dread time alone because it makes me think. The only way out of this to think it through come to my conclusions and move on.”

“Sarge's advice is the best. Spend a good period of time doing what matters to you and being yourself. You do not have to make decisions based on somebody else. You'll find that you get along with yourself just fine.”

“Flasher! What a beeyatch!! (and this is really weird, cuz spalpeen and I were just talking about whatever happened with you and the proposal)

You get your butt up on the Upper Iowa canoe trip the first weekend of June, OK, buddy? Loads o'fun promised and we luv ya, ya know that??!!!

And get to see your ole friend, the spleen. :-) LOL, he'll be happy to see that name revived.”

“She told me she doesn't love him but thats probably what she tells him as well. I find it a big lie since I saw the words "I love you" in text on her phone.”

“Is that June 4th weekend?? My good college buddies are getting together in Chi-town that weekend and I think it will turn into a big support party. Thank god all my boys where in Cedar Rapids this weekend to be there for me or I would have went nuts!!!”

“Sarge ----


This is a first. But you nailed it.


Good advice. Set a goal. Train for it. Do it.


Do something new.


Do the thing that has been lurking in the back of your head.


Do whatever it was that first popped into your head when you read Sarge's post.”

“Its the stuff in writing that gets them every time, LOL! That's how I found out too. They were exchanging covert emails via a web-based email system (like Hotmail). But forgot to clear the page cache. Once I accidentally discovered the account existed I searched the cache for keywords and found out the rest from the pages stored there.

Believe me, when caught the cheater will say absolutely anything. I had everything in writing and still got complete denials on everything until much later. Believe what you read.

Go rediscover yourself, heal, and move on. I don't say that lightly, it isn't easy.”

“Sorry about this Flasher have a few in Chi-town and have a good time with your pals. Have to get together and tip a few with the old Spleen one day soon, Take care my friend”

“shoot, wish we could have seen you that weekend, but get a lot of the wench out of your system in Chicago.

It's a good decision you made. I went out with a guy who was screwing around and said it would end. HA! It had been going on for a good long time then and I would wager money it's still going on today. Best to leave'm behind.

EDIT: hmmm... maybe if you want to get serious with something, get out with that nice camera system ya got. And don't be flashing people in the middle of the night this time around, lol! :-)
last edited: 5/23/05 4:42:33 PM”

“You know it liz baby. The photography will be working its way back into my time and I'm looking forward to see one of long time girl that is a friend (that I had to stop talking to because of my ex) this weekend. She likes photography alot and hiking and camping and just about everything that I like that my ex didn't.

...........hmmmmmm”

“The Simple Rules of Dating

Never write anything down.

Never take any pictures.

Deny! Deny! Deny!


Seriousely though, even though I think cheaters are the lowest form of cowards, do ya think dragging her onto a baord in front of strangers is the mature thing to do?”

“I didn't drag her picture onto the board and as far as how I feel right now (like an elephant took a crap on me) being able to listen to the opinion of other people and the advice they give is in my opinion nice.”

“In that case let's go whole hog. Got any videos to share?”

“Well actually......... but I won't go that low.”

“Three words: just let go.”

“what a batch”

“Did I read this right????!??!??

"... the mature thing to do?”

NIGE -- when did you become mature? And much worse, I appear to have missed the bar mitzvah!!

;-P”

“Lizs, I actually am fairly mature. Some call me a prude. Some call me a old soul. Some call me the crazy guy down the street.

If I had a divorce or break up most here probably wouldn't even know.
last edited: 5/23/05 6:58:28 PM”

“if it would make you feel any better, the person she is sending messages to is not me.”

“hmmm, didn't know the watermelon/Cartman guy was so mature. That's the net for ya, you're wacky and crazy 95 percent of the time and -- wouldn't ya know it? That happens to be the 100 percent I've seen... I don't read all threads.

anyways, sometimes it's easier to open up to strangers with the tough stuff in a person's life. I recall riding a train and within 10 minutes I had two friends I was hitting the bar car with... and a girl and I talked late into the night discussing hopes and dreams and problems.

Lotsa people on here have opened up with similar stuff. I agree that pulling that gf's photo onto the thread was tacky and somewhat presumptuous.

Enough on all that. Take a new look at life, Flash. It's there, waiting for you, with many, many wonderful opportunities you might have missed. :-)”

“Well you guys are American, you like talking about yourselves ;o)”

“I totally agree with this statement of Lizs':

"I agree that pulling that gf's photo onto the thread was tacky and somewhat presumptuous."


I stand guilty as charged. However . . ..it should come as no big suprise . . .
last edited: 5/24/05 10:42:51 AM”

“she is cute, you did have good taste in women.

better for you and her to have her screw around with another now than after you get married.”

“if you want to be happy for the rest of your life NEVER make a pretty woman your wife.”