I'm Hurting

“I know it's easy to say I'm going to start over and I will but in between I still feel a deep sadness that it's over. I hate that feeling.

A buddy and I are going backpacking this weekend. He's always been there for me and I for him. She doesn't know I'm leaving. I will talk to the attorney today to see what I can do to protect the house and my belongings why I'm gone.”

“you're doing ok UP, this has just happened. You're emotions are prolly all over the place, deciding to do one thing one minute, another the next. Things will settle down though. And "words of wisdom" after what she's doing. She's the one setting herself up for a crash. It's all about power at the moment. The moment someone wants to leave and the other wants to stay, the leaver has all the power. But you're taking control of the situation. I really wouldn't listen to a word she says. She's the one with the problems buddy.”

“I just received a phone call from Sears Mastercard. They asked for my wife and wanted to leave a message. They said there was some suspicious activity on her credit card. I told them she just took a trip to South Carolina but they still wanted to talk to her. I gave them her cell number.”

“I'm wondering if she left the credit card with him to payoff some bills or something. She was very adament that I help her pay off her credit cards. It's just like her to do this. I know she's not told me everything.”

“Help her?

I think this woman needs to be institutionalized.

I certainly hope you've cancelled any cards that are joint, and any debt she's run up on any joint account can certainly be given over wholely to her in the divorce.”

“UP I hope all those accounts are closed! Sounds fishy. Even if she did rack up bills, you should be able to give them all to her with a good lawyer. Should be pretty easy to prove she did it after your seperation.

Hang in there man. And be happy you don't have kids involved. My ex just got mad about some things that are based on false rumors (joys of a small town) and is now threatening to reduce my time with my daughter, which she can do because right now she's giving me more time than the judge would under Indiana law. Breaks my heart that she would use my daughter against me like that, but then i suppose thats the type of person she is.”

“My lawyer is out of town today. Can't do this until Tuesday when she'll be back. I've entertained the thought of a new lawyer because I want to get this started but my dad says the one I've got is very good and I may pay more somewhere else. I guess it can wait a few more days.”

“Ultra - Does she know that you use TrailTalk?”

“She knows but I don't think she'd be smart enough to look.”

“I hope you had the locks changed..”

“A golden opportunity was missed.

SEARS: We need to speak to Mrs Ultrapecker.

Ultrapecker: She was brutally robbed and is in the hospital.

SEARS: We will inform the police. thank you.”

“Anybody know what's the worst that can happen to me in a no fault contested divorce?”

“The laws differ from State to State. Generally if the two of you can come to an agreement the Judge will approve it. Children and property complicate divorce more than just about anything else. Concealing income and assets will cause anxiety, but your ex will be doing the same thing.”

“What bacpac said.

Also, if there are pension funds involved it could be nasty. My sister-in-law had to cash in her pension and give 1/2 to her ex. Large penalty in addition to the loss retirement income.”

“Stay gone on many hikes......take your money and put it somewhere it can't be found.”

“you have to take the time to mourn and get over this- but there will be a morning eventually when you wake up and realize your over her-”

“Saw the soon to be ex-wife today. We got together to switch my cell phone which is in her name to my name. She already had my land line phone disconnected because it was in her name. We were suppose to go back to the house to hagle over the possessions and the debts before I go to the lawyer on Tuesday. She left Verizon in a huff so that never happened. She was mad because I asked for a new number and told the customer service rep to give it to me descretly. The rep told me after my wife left that she was still in love with me. She listened to us bicker and said that was her impression. I said I don't know why. My wife cheated on me in South Carolina and begged me for a divorce and now I'm giving it to her and she's mad. I don't understand women. My wife can't contact me by phone anymore so I thought that was why she was pissed. She knows where I live and where I work so she can get a hold of me that way. The rep said maybe my wife wanted me to fight for her alittle more. I told her I don't know what she wants from me. I told her I'm still in love with her even after all this. Before my wife left for her second trip to SC I bought her flowers and a card with my personal feelings written down.

My wife told her mother she doesn't have a new boyfriend and nobody is moving up here. I asked my wife why she was lying to her mother. She stated that things didn't work out with her new boyfriend. I find this hard to believe.

I love my wife very much but at this point what do I have to do? She's the one that cheated on me and begged for the divorce. Now she's got it and she acts like I'm doing her a disservice.”

“I must say it did feel good to be in control for once.”

“Stay that way. dont cave. I bet that guy dumped her already.”

“Let it and her go and be your own person. Don't even ask the questions. Don't give a rat's ass about the answers. You will heal in time, but it will take time. Just focus on yourself and what you want out of life. That, my friend, will take up a lot of time.”

“Forgiveness, Forgiveness, what do you think?, and she should be able to contact you at anytime, she is still your wife. Sounds like you are making mistakes. Give her another chance. If you meant what you wrote!
last edited: 6/05/05 6:28:57 PM”

“"The rep told me after my wife left that she was still in love with me."

the verizon rep is in love with you? dude, score!
last edited: 6/05/05 6:29:40 PM”

“She hasn't asked me forgiveness. Maybe she needs that to move on or come back.”

“Maybe, do you listen, or do you just hear.”

“Let her go! There is not much to say...LET HER GO! You have no kids, it's so much easier to start over.

I doubt that she still loves you. At least she don't know it if she does still love you. Most women are scared to start over, scared of what they feel after the left. They are worried that they may have made the wrong decisision. I didn't read the whole thread...but how many years have you been married? After a while a lot of relation ships become habit, and nothing more.

I know that hard to read, but hey it's true for a lot of couples.

Don't ever by her flowers again unless she comes crawling back to you. Don't you know....a lot of women [and men too] want you [the bf or spouse] more if they feel like you are over them...and started a new life. [e.g. act like you don't give a damn]

Of course I could be wrong...I am not an expert...but I have a lot of friends that went throu the exact same situation...and I have either side come to me and cry about the other [that's a #&%!$ I tell ya]”

“Use the guilt to your advantage. Remain softspoken, keep your emotions in check.”

“it is amazing how they come crawling back to you after you decide you've had enough. It's happened in my two previuous relationships. In some respects it's good to get that contol back. Hang tough there UP. If she wants you back then she has to tell you that.”

“I've told her and told her that I'm still in love with her. She says nothing in return. If it's forgiveness she wants she's going to have to ask for it.

If this thing with her boyfriend didn't work out maybe she's just scared of being on her own and now I've cut that lifeline.”

“I just remembered a comment she made to me when we were at Verizon. She asked me what I did with the roses I bought her before she left. I told her I threw them away because they were dead. She said she was going to dry them and keep them and that I shouldn't of thrown them away.
last edited: 6/05/05 7:09:22 PM”

“Sometimes someone who wants an affair, turns the person they are going to do it with into some sort of perfect soul mate (probably because it justifies the cheating). Once that myth is no longer necessary the imperfections become obvious.

Add to that the fact that people in affairs often thingk, "if only we didn't ahve to sneak around?," "if only she'd leave him..." it would all be perfect. Then it happens and the relationship still ain't working and realize they made a mistake. As a friend, and as a therapist, I've heard a few such stories.”

“Maybe you need to stop telling her how much you love her? Ever thought about that? STOP IT DAMMIT!!!! She is not gonna come back because she loves you...she's coming back because she has nothing better to do!!!

Sh'll start thinking about her feelings towards you once she isn't feeling secure in the other relationship...but not before! Read it again: SHE WILL NOT THINK ABOUT HER FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU RIGHT NOW!!! And sure as hell she won't think about it if you continue to tell her how much you love her!

STOP IT DAMMIT!!!

sorry....
continue posting and ignore me...”

“Dude, she's playing you like a toy violin. Forget the roses. Forget her. Move on. She's waiting for you to crawl back on your hands and knees. And it you do that, man, you will regret it long and loud.

Okay, here's the simple fact. People who love people don't cheat on them. Recite that once or twice an hour, as needed.”

“I listening to you Gemini”

“rewright, she knows where I live. She knows where I work. It's her move now. She cheated, not me. She begged for a divorce, not me.”

““I've told her and told her that I'm still in love with her. She says nothing in return. If it's forgiveness she wants she's going to have to ask for it.

If this thing with her boyfriend didn't work out maybe she's just scared of being on her own and now I've cut that lifeline.”


Hey man, i've been there - she's just scared now at the prospect of really being alone. My ex drug me along like that for months mostly out of fear of being alone and fear of the financial reality of being truly on her own.

The comment you shared above about her wanting to keep the roses is Class A1 Female Manipulation.”

“I figure she's just scared. She still doesn't love me or she'd be here.”

“like geo said...IF you love someone, you don't cheat, you don't even think about cheating...

if you start to think about cheating...something is wrong and you better start thinking real hard about your relationship.

also think about this:

IF she should come crawling back to you, and for some strange reason you are going to take her back [smack, smack]...
how will you feel?
Will you be able to forgive her?
Will you ever again be able to trust her?

I tell ya, that's harder then you think!
Most couples who did part because of cheating will not stay together. Too many trust issues.

It's something you really should think about long and hard...So it's either get it over and done with NOW...have less time of your life waisted on someone who cheated on you, or...well...take her back if she comes crawling back...and go through the same #&%!$ again in a couple of years...

What would I do? Haaa...I would TRY to kick him in the ass and continue my life without the him...but sometimes words are easier then actions.

be strong!!!
last edited: 6/05/05 7:37:18 PM”

“What Gemini said.”

“Yep, Gem's nailed the point.

UP, your headed the right direction. Cut off contact as much as reasonable possible.

Keep looking forward and not backward.”

“Thanks everyone.”

“Do what you have to do to save your financial future.

Skeezers aplenty in the real world.”

“she'll be pissed that you're not dancing tgo her tune. She's going to do what she can to provoke a reaction from you. It's a lesson I learned hard. And if she does come crawling back, it's hard but a great feeling to say no. The decisions are in your hands.”

“I just checked are old email account with MSN. Here's the email she sent to two of her friends on May 31, 2005 at 10:57 a.m. the last day she was in Myrtle Beach.

Hi there. I'am in Myrtle Beach again right now. I'am leaving today to come home. I have a lot of catching up to do with you guys. A lot has changed in my life over the last 3 weeks. I mean A LOT!!!!!! I have met a wonderful man and have fallen in love way over my head. He is coming back to Indiana with me and I will be moving out of the house with Bill. Bill and I will be finally getting a DIVORCE. I know this is a lot to tell u via e-mail. I promise to get with you guys as soon as I get back and get things in order. I know this sounds crazy and it kinda is but I have never been so happy in my life. I know you 2 will think I have lost my mind. Need to go for now. Please try to understand.

XOXOXOXO
Lori


Sounds like she's still lying.”

“All I have to say is Good luck Dude, stay strong!”

“I printed off a copy and put it with her mail. I know she'll probably stop by tomorrow after I go to work. I'm sure she'll go to an attorney first.

She will get NOTHING from me.”

“I will ask my attorney on Tuesday if I can change the locks since she isn't living here. I don't think she intends on paying her share of the mortgage. She's been all worried about having enough money for her own place and now I know why.”

“Keep a copy of that email for you as well.”

“Rage, pure rage is what I feel right now. I got some head banging music on.”

“dude, I wouldn't have left that copy for her. It's not something she needs since she sent it. You'd just be doing it to prove she isn't getting anything over on you. Don't give away anything you don't have to. Don't let her know what you know.

I have never had a contested divorce, but have seen them in action. It isn't a pretty sight. Luckily you don't have kids so you don't have to worry about her making claims that you are a child molester/abuser, but its the sort of thing people do in hate filled divorces. Men try to paint their wives as party whores who aren't fit to raise their kids, or hide their incomes and try to leave her with squat. They both just keep esculating until its nearly unbearable.

I know it hurts, but try to rise above her. Let your lawyer do your talking for you. Don't fall for her statements that she loves you. If she did, she would be asking to move back in. What she wants is to have the wild, crazy sex/passion of her new stud, and the stability of life with a successful man. In her delusions she thinks she can have both of you, but we all know that isn't possible.

Protect yourself, get your divorce proceedings in motion, and don't fall into the trap of baiting her. It will just lead to war with her and then hate.”

“Don't fall into the traps of hate and rage. The evil one laid a trap for her, and she failed. Now its your turn to be tested.

Yes, you have the right to be angry. She's destroyed your marriage and way of life. But you can either take this adversity and turn it around for good, or take the downward spiral of more hate, more rage, until you've wasted 5 years of your life (and a ton of money) in a nasty contested divorce. Then the evil one will have won.”