Ever Try the Fake Lawyer Trick?

“OK, so, as usual, there's some controversy in little league. That's right, some people just can't stand to let kids play baseball without causing some sort of problem.

If you happened to read my little league thread, BowlderSon's team, which I manage, has made it to the league championship game. Ordinarily, the league has all of the championship games scheduled for a Saturday (this coming Saturday, in this case). Then they hold the "closing ceremonies" and hand out the trophies, etc.

This year, there were some rained out games. Instead of making up the games on the days when they had the chance, the league's board waited until the last minute, then realized they couldn't fit them all in and get the championship game in, so they have postponed the championship game until Monday. This means that whoever wins won't receive their trophies in front of all the other kids in the league at the big ceremony.

Many of the parents, ok all of them, were very upset about this screwup. In addition to the kids missing out on recognition in front of their peers, one family had already scheduled a vacation to start on Monday, and another had postponed a business trip until Monday so he could watch his son play on Saturday (if we made it). So I forwarded their complaints to the board members. But they also wanted to complain directly, so many of them sent emails or called the guy who screwed it up (and who, by the way, told me he thought it wasn't that big a deal).

Apparently, the board members don't like having to actually deal with real issues, so they have requested a meeting with me, in which I can guarantee they'll tell me I shouldn't have let the parents contact them. I know this because the exact same thing happened to another coach friend of mine on a different kind of issue last year.

So I'm thinking I might try the ol' fake lawyer trick. My neighbor used this to perfection to get her 'slow' daughter into a special program. She had her brother come along to the interview, dressed in a suit, and carrying a nice portfolio which he used to diligently take notes. She never said he was her lawyer (which he wasn't), but, I'll be darned, her daughter got into the program!

So I may recruit a friend to come along to the meeting with me. He or she would simply be introduced by first name and would diligently take notes. There wouldn't be any legal action on anyone's part anyway, but it would be kinda fun to make these stuffed shirts sweat a little, huh??”

“How many lawyers on the Board? ;-)”

“One.”

“Just hand them a copy of the 13th amendment to the Constitution and tell them to kiss your...”

“How about a guy in grass skirt, horns, and playing with a shrunken head? Works every time!”

“So, you're volunteering, tree?”

“I think I like that idea better.”

“You too, bit? Yeah, maybe two guys dressed like that would work....”

“Hang on, which shrunken head?”

“Bit's!”

“Sure, but which one?”

“The one with maggots crawling from the eyes is always a crowd pleaser.”

“I like the lawyer idea - the one lawyer on the board would play hell trying to convince everyone else yours was fake and they have nothing to worry about!

can you imagine their convo after you leave?”

“Boy, we're a lot of help, aren't we?

So, BowlderMan, how do you think having a lawyer, fake or not, would help you in this dispute with the board? Are you trying to force the game back to Saturday? Or are you just trying to keep them from intimidating you?”

“Yeah!

"Who the hell was that guy?!"

"I don't know, but we better be careful!"

"Can anyone sue us individually? Better check that league charter document...."”

“Just trying to ruffle some feathers - they need it!”

“They're all very important people...






...according to themselves!”

“Just take an axe then...


”

“Heeeeeeeere's Bitpusher!”

“Dang! I already shaved today!”

“Honestly, it's the axe chopping through the door more than your appearance. Unshaven does put an edge on it though.”

“Then again, I could go like this - that'd freak 'em out!

”

“...they will never guess who you are!

”

“YES!! use the teeth AND the fake lawyer!

they'll be terrified!”

“LOL Roam!”

“Well Marty, I hate be the realist here, but you've just been exposed to the hardest part of actively participating in your kids' programs, Scouts, Little League, Soccer, whatever, and that's NOT working with the kids, the KIDS are GREAT!

The PARENTS on the other hand, can be a royal PIA.

I also always found this litle observation to be interesting... the parents that b!tch the loudest are often those that volunteer the least whenever you need help.

But I'm sure you've probably already noticed that... it seems to be universal.
last edited: 6/10/05 6:05:12 PM”

“Should this fake lawyer pretend to take notes while he is drawing pictures Angela Jolie naked? You know she "did" Brad Pitt! If you bring a female lawyer type, she can draw Brad naked!!! I hear he has a mole on his.....”

“BowlderMan, I just noticed the "billy bob" teeth. My husband had a friend fly in to see us that he hadn't seen in years and showed up with those teeth. I just looked at him in astonishment.

The funny part is when we went with him for his car rental and he had the teeth in. After he left, I looked back and saw the girl behind the counter making these motions with her fingers to her mouth to the other rental agent, because she thought they were real. It was so freaking funny!!! I guess you had to be there, lol:)
last edited: 6/11/05 11:43:31 PM”

“So what happened to all the kids getting together to just play ball? Does everything have to be organized by adults (who really are nothing but over gown children) all the time???”