What About Crushes

“Hope your soon to be husband doesn't read trail talk.”

“In my experience there is always that feeling that seems out of this world when we first begin to get to know a new person. But in time, this fades, it's like the endorphins of the new relationship, but they eventually dicipate and disapear.

The real stuff begins after that. That's when you discover the undying love you have for a person, it's loving them for who they are in all their faults. The more you work on being wioth one another, the more stronger it gets. I have in the past gotten those feelings you are referring to, but that is a big traffic sign that syas to keep your distance. remember your place in the worl and why you are with who you are.

The fence may seem greener, but usually is not when you fidn yourslef there. So remember why your in love with who your with, and protect at all cost the base your relationship is built on.

Trailpacker”

“In my experience there is always that feeling that seems out of this world when we first begin to get to know a new person. But in time, this fades, it's like the endorphins of the new relationship, but they eventually dicipate and disapear.

The real stuff begins after that. That's when you discover the undying love you have for a person, it's loving them for who they are in all their faults. The more you work on being with one another, the more stronger it gets. I have in the past gotten those feelings you are referring to, but that is a big traffic sign that says to keep your distance. Remember your place in the world and why you are in love with who you are with.

The fence may seem greener, but usually is not when you find yourself there. So remember why your in love with who your with, and protect at all cost the base your relationship is built on.

Trailpacker”

“I don't see flags, I see a normal chick. It's totally normal to find other people attractive when you're committed. I'm sure if Newgirl asked her man if he ever finds other women hot and interesting he'd be lying if he said "no". It's what you do (or don't do) with that attraction that counts.

Newgirl I wouldn't worry over it a second more. The time before a marriage can be really shakey. At about two weeks before my wedding for a few hours our wedding was off. (for the reason that it was going to occur in the wrong denomination of church!). Things get all blown out of proportion and nerves go crazy. It's a big commitment after all, one that I have a feeling you take seriously. We're coming up on our 9th anniversary and it seems like the time has flown by. Birch and I were long-time friends who decided to date too. It's been a blessing to be married to my best friend.”

“Hotvian??

From Hotvia??

lyra, you make me laugh!

Don't tell your guy.
Think about what that would feel like.”

“It's natural. It could be just getting used to the fact you'll be with your new hubby for the rest of your life. Next time you see your man hug him as hard as you can and tell him how much you love him. That's what I do. Well...ya know. LOL!”

“Nigal is gonna hug newgirl's man......you go boy!”

“I've been through a failed marriage. I have remarried and ahve a wonderful wife. Not to say we haven't had our struggles over the past 13 years. I would be a liar if I didn't admit a nice looking woman catches my eye. I do know that once my eye is caught I need to resist the next thought. Only you know what is truly in your heart. As for telling your fiance' it all depends on what kind of damage it will do to you relationship. I have done more damage to my marriage by opening my mouth when I should have kept it shut. A good friend once told me God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. My advice - resist and think it all through well before you speak. No reason to blow a marriage up before it starts for nothing. But plenty of reason to blow it up before it starts if there is a real reson.”

““Nigal is gonna hug newgirl's man......you go boy!”

No, I'm just going to crush him. LOL!”

“oh come on guys...yeah crushes are normal, BUT not when you suppose to be really in love with your fiance. How can you have room for a crush if you're in love?

Yeah, I understand that you look at other people, of course...we all do. You may even flirt a little, but a crush?

I really don't think there is room for a crush right before you are getting married. Something is def. wrong.

okay...now...please someone explain to me what you think a crush is??? I just read some of the posts... and for most of you a crush means you find someone attractive? that's it?

For me a crush means, you have a little bit more than friendship feelings for someone else. not love, but well...you find them very appealing and could not guarantee what u would do if u ever would have the chance???

and should you tell him? well...what MarkO said, think about how it would feel if he would tell you that he has a crush on someone else, than decide what you wanna or should do.”

“I have a huge crush on Crazy Mike :)

and one on Brad Pitt, and one on Nowslimmer-

and on quite a few of the other male TT'ers...

But I only love Crazy Mike and I'm crazy bout him :)”

“"But I only love Crazy Mike and I'm crazy bout him :)”

Don't come around here sellin' crazy, baby, 'cause we're all stocked up!”

“Gem hit it in the last post. I just read this and it seems that the word "crush" may be a little twisted here.

Do you mean "crush" in that some sort of follow-up will ensue? Then, yes, there are issues to be dealt with. Newgirl, you used the word and ,at the same time, also said that the guy left. Nothing will ensue. Game over. You seemed to dwell only on a bit of guilt you may be experiencing, brought on by unexpected feeling (and maybe a few hot flashes) of attraction.

If there is no plan for follow-up an you are not questioning your own behavior, then I hardly think you need to drag a busy guy like God into this. (tic)

It should be a simple matter.

Seriously, Newgirl, human feelings are just that, if they stay at that level. I'm not one to knock honesty between couples. Communication and openness between people is a sign of strength in a relationship. But, in this case, telling him has to come from within you you. You have to weigh out whether opening up about this is going to do nothing but lay an unnecessary blanket of doubt in his mind about you, when there is really nothing to base it on. Or is this something that you can't fathom keeping to yourself and you see getting it out as a sort of vindication of your feelings. It's not for us to make that determination, though...
last edited: 6/28/05 8:32:51 AM”

“I'd define a crush as an attraction to someone's personality and body, thinking about them alot, but not necessarily taking any action towards them. How do you define it Gem?”

“NG - there is the red flag issue. Examine it closely. Also, ask yourself if any of this has changed your feelings one bit about the future Mr. Newgirl(MNG for short). As mentioned, we all have fleeting weird feelings but we know that there is nothing more to it than that. By your asking the question it sounds like you're at least afraid that it has effected your feelings towards MNG. All the advice has focused on the crushee and not the crusher....Do you feel differently towards him? Do you still picture yourself growing old together? Do you still picture the new house, and paying the mortgage, and kids, and all that stuff? Focus back on yourself and him.”

“So what you guys are saying is that, because MarkO has a crush on me it could mean trouble in his marraige?”

““I'd define a crush as an attraction to someone's personality and body, thinking about them alot, but not necessarily taking any action towards them. How do you define it Gem?”
Sassafras
8:30:05 AM
6/28/05

yupp sass, that's pretty much what a crush would be to me I think. If this is a normal thing to feel right before you get married...well...hey...than something is wrong with me.

If I would've felt like this for anyone else besides the person I am getting married to, well, no way I would've got married.

please, don't get me wrong, I am not saying you have to be imune to those feelings, but you'll really have to think about the next steps.

got to go to the dentist...later :)”

“I'm confused now.

Gem, do you have a crush on me ? or did you just want to crush me?”

“newgirl, I'm in a rush and don't have time to read every post. Here's my input. Go to www.marriagebuilders.com, and order that guy's book "His Needs, Her Needs". You and your soon-to-be-hubby need to read it. It gives you a good set of rules that - if you live by them - will keep you both true to each other, and happy.

In this case, the rule of "absolute honesty" applies. Crushes are inevitable. I've been married 8 years and have had several over the years. I'm human. The way to deal with it? Tell my wife. Once the feelings are exposed the whole situation quickly fades, and it strengthens the trust on both sides.

Keep the feelings hidden and you follow a path that could hurt you both worse than the pain of someone dying.”

“oh crazypace...i have a huge crush on you. ;) but hey...i am already married for what? 16 years?

grins

oh yeah...dentist....whhaaaaa”

“what, ain't ya never heard of Hotvia, MarkO? it's near the Baltic Sea, i believe.
:-D

well newgirl, i certainly hope you're going to follow all of this advice to a T...LOL!! i think we got the full spectrum here, ey?”

“red flag, schmed flag. you're getting married, not dying.

if you yell out his name while having sex with your fiance - now that's a red flag.

if you yell out your fiances name while having sex with this guy - that's a BIG red flag.”

“Oh, gonna save this one for tonight.

Damn, what a world! Only on TT. I knew there was a reason I keep checking this.”

“LOL @ sacco!!!”

“Hey Newgirl,

I havn't read this whole thread, but I'm headed to get married too - next summer.

There's a book called "The Conscious Bride". I just started the first chapter last night. It talked about how if there's anything "negative" associated with the engagement or wedding, our culture more or less says we should stuff it down deep inside and not acknowledget it.

Dang, crushes are real feelings, and if you don't let them run their course, you'll miss the flip side of the coin - the one that has incredible strong, loving feelings for the one you're going to marry.

The book goes through the "downsides" of getting married, how our lives are certain to change and how we need to grieve those losses. I'm going through a bit of that now. I'm realizing how my lovely little independent self-controlled life is going to change. Of course I love my fiance and want to marry him with all of my heart, but jeesh, there are real feelings of having to let go of things. People talk about how their lives are going to change once they have kids, but when it comes to a wedding, you're automatically a bad person for having a doubt here and a crush there and they tell you that you should seriously thing about getting married. Well duh, I am seriously thinking about it, its not something I'm taking lightly.

Anyway, the book might interest you. Its an easy read so far. It discusses the "dark" side of preparing for marriage. Its not all ringing bells and flying doves. :)

Obviously, I'm a bit fired up about this topic! LOL!”

“Yes lyra, I think Hotvia is between S'tonia and Lickiteeschplitz.”

“There is only one solution.


You should mount me.



(it'll cure you of desire for any other guys . . .heck, it may turn you into a lesbian (not that there's anything worong with that)”

“ "dark" side of preparing for marriage. Its not all ringing bells and flying doves. :)

Obviously, I'm a bit fired up about this topic! LOL!”
Smiley Girl



LOL.
i think someone might have a crush on yoda”

“Newgirl is herself a good example of a "crush"



The girl is gone for months, posts one little thread, and BAM !!!!! has everyone fluttering around her!!!


Talk about Hotavia!”

“LOL @ Lee...for real. in case anyone hasn't noticed, everyone on TT looooves to give advice. usually straight out of their ass!
;-)

p.s. the word is HOTVIA”

“Had a hunch newgirl = Spirit Coyote

Then LOOK! She posted like 1 minute after newgirl.

Hmmmmmmmm .......”

“No, they're different.”

“Newgirl's an old timer here, Sarge...”

“nope sarge, newgirl is an ol' fart around here.”

“I think we should call her oldgirl now, especially since she's getting married! heh heh”

“I get blamed for trolls and I dont have a single one..TOO FUNNY! LOL LMAO”

“I had a hunch bitpusher and treebeard and sacco were the same ... then LOOK! They posted about the same time.

Hmmmmmmmmmm ....
last edited: 6/28/05 9:13:20 AM”

“LOL, 3 responses to sarges in a minute.”

“From the Montanapalooza thread:

Newgirl is in the top row, fourth from the left”

“i'm a tree troll sarge.

duh.”

“Hubba hubba”

“Let's kill him anyway!”

“You guys are built about the same sacco ...”

“Sacco's mad because Bit and I don't brush his teeth!”

“LOL”

“Oldgirl??

Kinda like Ethel Merman in Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World......Old Bag??

Does newgirl have a HUGE voice?”

“sigh - am I the only one with the obvious solution to all this - newgie find some quiet time with BOB and get it off about 20 times - by the end you will be cured”

“Has Gremlin weighed in yet?

I'm sure his advice would have something to do with a prussic ascender.”

“I think I need to vacation in Hotvia. I did date a latvian for a bit, and she was hot, does that count?

Anyhoo Newgie. You gotto decide what you're feelings are. Do you really like this newer guy, or is it just a fear of staying with one person (in therory) for the rest of your life that's causing you grief.

It could just be that you're not so sure about the whole marriage thing. Maybe you're looking for something more. Could there be too much of an idea of practicallity in marrying a friend. Maybe you're looking for someone who flips ya tummy a little more. Do you love the guy you're marrying are are you in love with him.

More than anything this just says you're a little confused about the whole marriage thing. No one is ever 100% sure it's the right thing to do, but you have to be sure that once ya married the "what ifs" don't start creeping into your married life.”