What About Crushes

“Just do like every other married woman on the planet and fantasize about the other guy when you’re with your husband-to-be.

If you have a photo of him, you could make an enlargement, cut it into a mask and ask your man to wear it if that helps.”

“I just think she has a lot of questions she needs to answer in her own mind before taking the plunge. IMHO if you have any doubts prior to marriage, it's best not to make the move. The hurt and heartache that comes from calling off a wedding will be minor compared to that which comes from ending a marriage.”

“Just do like every other married woman on the planet and fantasize about the other guy when you’re with your husband-to-be.

VioLiN
10:35:04 AM
6/28/05

then maybe im from another planet. never did that. did not have to.
but I did tell tree that if Peter Gabriel asked me to marry him (it will happen soon) that I still would rather be married to him and have Pete on the side
last edited: 6/28/05 10:47:24 AM”

“a mask!!! oohhh lordy :-D”

“thats what I told mike about Mr. Pitt. He's going to ask for my hand soon, I just know it.”

“just make sure you secure the mask with a wide band of elastic.

the one chrissy made for me uses a cheap regular ol' rubber band which pulls my hair and irritates the tops of my ears.”

“I'm defining crush like Sass did. I was attracted to this guy's personality and body and I've been thinking about him. I haven't been thinking, "Leeeeet's get it on" or "Mooooovin' to California." Just sorta' . . . crushing.

I really appreciate all the stuff you guys said. There are alot of great perspectives. Sass and Smily, you helped me alot.

Sass, you said that you and Birch had been long time friends. Obviously, at the point you decided to date you had some physical attraction brewing up, but did it stay at a calm, mellow level? That is how I feel for my fiance. I think he's extremely good looking, but I think the long friendship added a laid back nature to my attraction for him. Not a "take or leave it" feeling, just not a "getting a roundhouse to my skull" feeling, like can sometimes happen. Is that okay? I might sound like a geek here, I'm just trying to ask all the right questions. I want a successful marriage. I want to navigate all these sorts of issues well.”

“How well do you know yourself? If someone else does give you that feeling once you're married, are you likely to need it enough to go chase it?
last edited: 6/28/05 11:08:10 AM”

“did someone say "mount"”

“that was me.

I said it.


I said MOUNT.

As in . ..Mount up.

Mount Lee.


Mount mount mount mount”

“Where is that wise old guy................aero?”

“I think I know myself well Y2. I would not chase it, but that is why I asked if I should talk to my fiance about this crush. Maybe we need to talk about pumping it up some. I know him well and I would say his attraction to me is of the same nature as mine for him. Later in marriage I can understand it being mellow, but maybe right now we should be trying for bigger fire.”

“NEwgirl, one of the best pieces of advice I've heard about marriage came from Sass and Birch. They said love is sometimes a choice. As in you might have a crush every now and then, but you make a conscious choice to "be" with the one your with. It was years ago they said that to me, and its stuck with me ever since. Its true. Sometimes relationships aren't easy, and you don't want to do the "right" thing sometimes. But its a choice. And the more you make the choice, the stronger that love can grow.”

“Hey, try to set the whole dang thing on fire!

See if either of you can't stand the heat.”

“there you go Newgirl. There's the answer. See what you can do :o)”

“put simlply-
if i was him i would not want to know.

communication, honesty, all that good stuff, blah blah blah.

i feel that some things are still better left unsaid.”

“Yes, Smiley, I have heard that advice too. Sometimes it is a choice and I realize that I will have other moments like that. I think that right now, I need to make a the choice to tell my fiance that we need to fan the flames a bit.”

“yeah, I wouldn't tell him, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try and stoke the boiler a little.”

“Lee, looks like it isn't working..dang she has grown up or ignoring it...lol”

“That's what I'm talkin' about, sacco.

There are some things I've been told over the years that make we wonder......*"Does she think I'm made of rubber?"”

“Lee and Ewker . . . I am ignoring the mount stuff at the moment. I'm trying to figure out something that is important to me. And anyways, Lee couldn't handle it! LOL! Kidding.”

“Newgie - it doesn't have to be this huge issue - "lets make a choice to fan the flames", just take the initiative and go for it. See how he reponds. You have that conversation and all sorts of fear and doubts are gonna be runnign trhough his mind. He doesn't take the hint, then mebbe you need that conversation.”

“I found other people attractive but I never had a crush on anyone when I was dating my ex-husband. He was all I good see. Damn, love is blind!!!”

“reminds me of that commercial with the couple snuggling on the couch. she's wearing an oversized sweatshirt.

she says it's her exboyfriends

he asks if she wants one of his instead.

she says,'nah, yours are small. bigger one's feel more comfy.'”

“I don't think it has to be a huge issue either Y2. I don't want him to develop doubts and for that reason maybe I will leave out the crushing part, but our relationship has been simmering in this department since its start and maybe it should be boiling. Since we are both operating at that level, I think it is something that prolly needs to be openly talked about. Another thing, maybe after the stress of the wedding is over, things will heat up on their own.”

“Cool Newgie, so list some of the specifics you have in mind for raising the mercury. Sure the boys here will let you know what they think ;o)”

“fires, tummy butterflies, passion = great for sex.

common interests, trust, strong friendship-type bond = great for long term relationships/marriage.

the two goals have very little in common.”

“sacco, That's GREAT! heeeee, hee!”

“NG --

In all seriousness. You mentioned a couple of months ago that you were "waiting". Which is fine.

But . . .you have otherwise (newergirl as evidence), been active.

You are young, healthy (I assume and hope) . .. .I think that having an active, dynamic phyiscal component to a relationship is very important.

It is something (that if I were you), I want to be comfortable with before making a lifelong comittment .. .what if the fire isn't there afterwards.


I don't want to misspeak for Sass. But she had some great contributions on a thread several months ago about how to work on keeping the passion in a long term relationshp.

She and Birch weere using a book . .100 nihgts of great Sex (or something like that).

I am in the camp that belives that physical intimacy is a natural healthy part of a relationship between two mature, consensual adults.


Clearly you are mature, presumably consensual, and an adult.


Waiting for a arbitrary day to pass (your wedding) doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense.

If you were a virgin and what all else . .maybe . . .but just for the sake of it . . .. .


hey . ..are you sure he's not gay???



Anyhoo .. .maybe you just need to get your rocks off.”

“this ought to be interesting”

“Sacco, I understand that the two have little in common. I am very confident of our trust level and strong friendship for the long haul thing. However, it is still important to work on the other part. I guess maybe this crush surprised me and made me realize that we should work on that a bit.”

“newgirl

crushes are part of life.
remeber when you were younger? you had them a lot.
the trick is, if you act upon them or not

remove yourself from the tempation. do not see him, call him etc....

out of sight, out of mind.

if you truly love the man you plan on marrying, then you will work through it.
stay true to yourself and your love.”

“Yes, where is aero...he probably could settle this.

newgirl - From all your comments, I am not hearing the kinds of things that would make me think a person is ready for a LIFELONG commitment to ONE person.

We guys get "chicken thoughts" about about 2-4 months before marriage. It is normal and has nothing to do with a crush on another girl...it is a commitment thing and when we get past it, we are more committed.

BTW, why are you getting married?

We could probably help you more if you would bring him on a TT trip so we can see him up close.”

“Not sure what to say for a second Lee. I need to think before I type. LOL!”

“You SLUT!!!”

“AHH HAHAHAHA”

“wish i thought of that”

“If the inclination is strong enough to make you want to do something else with someone else, the best time to make that decision is before the "I Do" part.”

“Set up a trapeze and get it goin'”

“Phil, I am getting married because I love one of my closest friends and he loves me. I trust him and he trusts me. We have alot in common and we have the same goals about family and future. We are both trying to be Christ followers everyday (not that we are perfect) and that is extremely important to us both and one of the biggest reasons we are together. At one point during our short dating period, he thought he was not ready to handle me and Newergirl. We broke it off for 2 wks and had no contact. At the end of the 2 wks, he came to me and said he couldn't stand it and he was certain now that he was ready for the whole thing. I respect him alot that he was honest w/ me about that and didn't just act like it was nothing. He carefully considered what he was doing in a relationship w/ a single mother and the ramifications of that.

What are the reasons you think I do not sound like I am ready for this commitment?”

“Because you have the hots for another guy.”

“Chili, it is not strong enough for me to feel like I will DO anything. It has just made me consider other aspects of things, 'cause it took me by surprise.

Lee, we are TRYING to wait. That plan hasn't gone perfectly. However, I may be a bit pent up. I could admit that. By and large, we have stayed out of the bedroom.”

“It's all about ramifications.”

“Bingo! MarkO gets the prize.”

“i thought this was all about fornications.”

“why have you stayed out of the bedroom?

is there an evil monkey in your closet too?”

“huh? you stay out of the bedroom? why? I mean it's not that you are a virgin...

hope i don't sound umm... crewl, that's not what i am trying to be...I just don't understand.

I mean you did IT before right?
awww...never mind me...I don't get it I guess.

and yeah...what Mark said, I had to look up the damn word, but yupp, that's it.”

“Wow.....what a good bunch of advice......and some not so good....and some great humor......I have had two failed marriages...so I am not going to give out much advice about what to do......but I think I have learned some things......
...all that glitters is not gold....
...lust doesn't a good marriage make....
...it takes two to tango....
...men need more sex than women...
...some things are better left unsaid...
...and...sex is more fun giving than recieving...

my 2 cents.....third time is a charm...and I'll invite y'all when I get married again...”

“newgirl - the book I pointed you to (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html) is very compatible with a Christian lifestyle. My wife and I are Christians and believe strongly in following His word. The "His Needs..." book (and of course the Bible) will keep you on the right path with your marriage. If you don't want to buy it, at least get it from the library.”

“Well it sounds like you need to get in there for a while.”