PAP smears suck....

“From what I hear Cooter isn't too happy about the movie at all.”

“i heard that too...wow, a 4th page!!!”

“okay...I am bored. can I read this thread without puking all my lunch back up????”

“Probably. But I'm not sure it's worth the risk.”

“Actually I have a joke that would send this whole thread spinning into oblivion but...it's probably worse than the origanal intent of the thread...”

“oh gawd...I'll wait until later....”

“Make this all stop!! Paaaaaleeeeeeese!”

“Nigal, please just say NO! ;-)”

“so spill it Nigal...”

“this thread shouls have been named


WHEN PAP SMEARS GO BAD”

“Pap Smear: The musical!

thorough look at the intriguing world of the gynaecologist, THROUGH SONG!

Act 1
Opening scene (literally):

The curtains open on a split stage, we can see a number of middle aged women nervously flitting through this week, last year's, women's weekly. Paying no attention to the patients, nurse Betty is speaking on he phone, only one of her hands can be seen from behind the desk.. Dare we think what she is doing with the other?

NURSE BETTY: Ahh? yes doctor Marshall, I'll send the next patient in. Will you be needing the mop? Shall I sterilise the [hushed] instruments? Nurse Betty fidgets with her digits whilst she awaits the doctor's reply. Ok then, ill warm up the [hushed again] levered intravaginal forceps." [Hangs up].

Across the stage divide a curtain opens and we see doctor Marshall, white coat and thermometer in hand above a supine lady on a bed, legs bent.

DR MARSHALL: Ok everything seems in order here, Nurse Betty will organise the DETAILS.

PATIENT: [Politely] Thank you doctor.

Patient steps down from the bed and limps out through the petition to the reception area.

NURSE BETTY: Jennifer McNamara, Doctor Marshall will see you now.

Jennifer, dressed in a blue summer dress, covered with mind-bending, evolutionarily impossible, green flowers, walks into the adjoining room.

DR MARSHALL: Jennifer? Have a seat.

JENNIFER: Thank you Doctor Marshall.

DR MARSHALL: You look well Jennifer; I haven't seen you for the five years recommended by the Australian Society of Gynaecologists, as the minimum time between pap smears for women aged 35-45.

Jennifer breaks into song.

To be sung to the tune of: 'Ooompa-pa' from the musical 'Oliver'.

JENNIFER:

Oh, Pap sme-ar, Pap sme-ar that's why I'm here,
due to the fear of cervical canc-eer,
I don't like to do-o it every year,
Having my pap sme-ar.

DOCTOR MARSHALL:

There's no need to worry, Jennifer my dear,
The procedure is simple, and you need to be cleared,
Now lie on my bed with your legs bent just so,
Whilst I-i prepare for the bits you will show.

Whilst laying there think of holidays in Paree'
Though be careful of the bladder, I don't want your wee,
The procedure will be over just as quick as you know,
Now let's have a look here, I'll begin very slow.


hehe hhe ”

“weeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllll

ok then”

“dang I missed all the fun today”

“me too, while I was at work all day my wife was fishing. I think she caught one too, a big fat sucker fish.”

“throw it out, it can't be anygood”

“Sassafras gets to fish all day????”

“Preachy hypocrite "Christian" #2 with hateful speak.”

“Birch, did it need a pap smear?


(just trying to stay on topic)

:)”

“*shrugs* What can i say guys..she's got alot of OPIE in her now! *drum rim shot*


Matt said he wouldn't be making threads ignorable, for many reasons.

I'm too busy lately to read all the retarded threads...so if it doesn't say gear, trail, or boobs in the title...F it. I'll leave my attack love monkey to sort it all out. LMAO”

“it's very simple, if you don't like the thread title or the first few post don't read it..what is so hard with that.”

“maple, I think so.”

“The titles are what tick me off and I don't have to read the thread to read the titles. I normally don't read her stupid threads but this one topped them all so I used it as an opportunity to tell her what I thought.”

“...which could be done in private correspondence...or not at all....why even say anything that might hurt someones feelings????.....what have you gained by telling her what you thought????”

“....and what have you lost????”

“Now div, there ya go being nice again.
People might think you were raised in the South. ;-)”

“Pot, Kettle, Black

tell it like it is Div

to bad we can't do a search of what threads each person has started. That ought to be interesting.”

“LOL..I have some silly threads of my own....
"Adventures" by divinity is a thread just for ME!!!!...no one has to read it unless they want to...!!!..I am a silly old woman....

Stovie...I am nice...damm1t!!!!”

“Damn yankees are nice???? ;-)”

“...not all Yankees are "rude" as I have had many southerners tell me.......”

“LONG LIVE SPIRIT COYOTE!!!!”

“That's very true, div. But then ya run into someone that fits the stereotype to a T.”

“...and I have met some VERY rude southerners...I think people are basically the same everywhere....”

“Aa CMB says...there are idiots everywhere, no matter race, religion, country...

and "Look at her face!"
last edited: 8/05/05 9:33:24 AM”

“Yankees aren't usually rude, it just sounds like they're being rude. No, seriously.

I've noticed that the intonations and inflections Southerners reserve for irony and sarcasm are used by Northerners in their everyday speech.

Case in point: The guy who is the den leader for my son's Cub Scout den is from Ohio. So is his wife, naturally. I'll call them up and ask for him, and she'll tell me "Well, he's not here right now, but you can try and call him later" and use intonation, that to me as a Southerner, sounds like she's sarcastically telling me something that is obvious and I should already know. So I have to remind myself that it's just her style of speech and to not get angry over it.

Add to that the fact that well-bred Southerners are trained from childhood (or at least they used to be) to be obsequiously polite in their speech and mannerisms, past the point that most of the country considers normal. This holds true even when we're getting angry, so often the first clue that a Yankee has that he has pissed off a Reb is that the aforementioned Reb is producing a weapon of some sort, or simply spitting tobacco juice on your pants.

It's just cultural differences, that's all.”

“For the record I'm technically a southerner, so there!”

“LMAO.....and where I am from if you say "yes maam" or "no sir" without a southern accent, you are being sarcastic”

“I look at it this way, you've gotta have a pretty tough skin to go on the internet, because sooner or later someones going to say something you will not agree with. :) People can't handle that? Oh well. ;) :D”

“This thread really scrapes the bottom of the barrel.”

“SC, i don't agree with your statement”

“lmao :) too freakin bad!”

“its better to be disliked for who you are than loved for who you're not.”

““LMAO.....and where I am from if you say "yes maam" or "no sir" without a southern accent, you are being sarcastic”
divinity
10:11:17 AM
8/05/05

Yes Ma'am. ;-)”

“The titles are what tick me off and I don't have to read the thread to read the titles. I normally don't read her stupid threads but this one topped them all so I used it as an opportunity to tell her what I thought.”
Miss Opie
9:01:23 AM
8/05/05


yup thats what email is for. but some people (and you know who you are) have no idea how to use that!


TRAIL TALK IS FULL OF HYPOCRITES.

that is a fact jack


^(*^&^ ^^%a%s
it is mapleleaf!! not tree
last edited: 8/05/05 12:12:18 PM”

“OK, whew!”

“I think it is so rude not to change back to my name!

cut his limb off!”

“lol..I was just thinkin why did maple post as tree?

THATS worse than not putting the toilet seat down!!!”

“come on people...we're only 2 more posts away from getting a 5th page”

“One...”

“two”