What would you do?

“Here’s the deal.

A widowed neighbor of mine mentioned to me that she was afraid of the way the overgrown shrubbery at the end of her driveway blocked her view of the sidewalk. There are a lot of kids in the neighborhood and she was scared that she would back over a little kid when leaving her driveway. She is on a fixed budget and said she couldn’t afford to hire someone.

This past weekend I removed the bushes for her. It took about 1½ hours. She was very grateful and said she would have to do something for me. I explained that I was raised to do good deeds and didn’t want anything in return. (A tray of cookies or brownies would have been a fine thank you gift.)

She dropped off a thank you card for me yesterday with a $50 Home Depot gift card in it. I can certainly use the card but I really, really don’t want to take money from her. I called Home Depot and gift cards are not returnable, even with a receipt so if I give it back to her, and she can’t use it, it’s a waste.

I could just give her $50 cash because I’ll spend at least that much there in the next couple of weeks. I’m afraid to insult her by forcing cash back on her.

What do you think I should do?
last edited: 11/08/05 3:55:37 PM”

“Send the gift card to me.
I have a need for it. LOL”

“could you use the card to buy some bulbs to plant back where you removed the shrubs. You could get some very small plants like crocus and work you way back with some plants a little taller”

“Graciously accept and send a thank you note”

“I like my suggestion better.”

“I would use the card to get something for her or something you can tell she needs done..then do it over the holidays as a surprise gift.”

“It would have cost her much more than $50 to hire landscapers to remove those bushes. I'm sure she inquired. Two, elderly people are VERY proud & it would hurt her to return it. Take the gift card & send her a THankyou note.

This way she can "borrow" you in the future & you won't mind it getting compensated somewhat. Good neighbor practice.

I have a neighbor who has a very small driveway & I have a snowplow. He doesn't want me to plow it even though we're friendly. If the driveway doesn't get cleared, I plow it anyway or if I see his wife shoveling, I'll ask & she'll accept. She tries to pay me but I say no. Her husband has pulled ALL of my family's cars when they get stuck. They usually buy me a cheesecake or something.

My other neighbors preomise the world especially in BIG storms but I've seen nothing from them over the years. I do many favors for people though without expecting $$$. I'll tell them I don't wwant anything but will accept if they insist.”

“Keep it and use it. It would be insulting to her if you returned it.”

“I think you may end up insulting her some. Try to think of how she felt having to rely on someone else to do something like this because she couldn’t afford to have it done herself. She obviously appreciated what you did for her and is now showing her generosity to you. Sometimes refusing a thank you gift is worse than refusing to help her in the first place. Go next door and tell her it was totally unnecessary and tell her how much you appreciate the thank you gift and then tell her if she ever needs anything else to let you know.


BTW- good on ya.”

“I like Ewker's idea too.”

“Take a look around her house...need caulking?...paint? house numbers replaced?, maybe a new mailbox?....finance the work with the card and do it when she's away from the house...”

“I replaced all the flooded circuit breaker's in my neighbors' house power boxes after the hurricane so they could get power restored. They furnished the breakers, I furnished the skills to install.

One offered to pay me. I looked him in the eye with a smile and asked him why he was insulting me.”

“catshiker nailed it.

She probably anticipates wanting to ask you for help in the future and would feel like she were a pest if she didn't pay you in some way.

Next time, you can nudge her towards cookies or a pie or something like that - or up front tell her that you will not accept payment like "last time" because you just want to do a favor for her.”

“Is she hot?”

“Violin, maybe she will offer you something else next time ;)”

“What Twinkletoes said. Graciously accepting a gift is a gift in itself.”

“She probably enjoyed giving you that gift as much as you felt good about helping her out.

Graciously accept the gift as she accepted your help.”

“Lot's of great comments here so I can't expand on those, I especially liked those by Nigel and Adventurist.

Personally, I would simply go next door & say something like "thanks very much, I appreciate it, but don't ever think you have to "pay" me to do something - I like being a good neighbor & would really appreciate the opportunity to help you out whenever I can, as long as you don't feel compelled to "pay" me!

V-man, you're a good guy!
last edited: 11/08/05 8:41:20 PM”

“I was driving home from the gym a couple hours ago and someone in all black is standing in the road waving their hands. I slam on the brakes and this woman hops in saying she just got beat up by her boyfriend.

She needs a ride to the store to meet her friend to help her get a hotel room. She reeked of cigarettes. I turn around and head to the store. She said her boy friend put some lumps on her head and she just got out of his truck.

She starts tugging at her shorts and I look down to make sure she isn't pulling a weapon. She said her shorts were riding up. This broad is pretty hard scrabble and she asks if I can help her with a room.

I picked this chick up on a rural highway so it is not like she is the local whore, but she had whore tendencies.

As we got near the store she directs me into a residential area where her friend lives. I drop her off and made sure she didn't take anything out of my vehicle.

What would you do?”

“Wash the back seat with Lysol.”

“Some people don't like to feel obligated - she wanted to return the favor, and by refusing the gift card you would only make her uncomfortable. We have done similar things in our neighborhood. We don't do it for a material reward, but people don't understand that people will do kindness for no reason. As a hiker, I have experienced a lot of trail magic - I like to pass it on. My neighbors haven't experienced it. One woman was utterly floored when we helped her. She said no one had ever done something like that for her. (A tree came down in her driveway, blocking her car. We had a chainsaw, so we cleared the way.) She insisted on paying us. We didn't want to accept it, but she couldn't accept the gift we offered - it was too strange for her. Finally we accepted, because our aim was not to upset her.”

“i'd punch her in the face and tell her i don't want her goshdarn gift certificate! just jokes, i agree with the Gizzard Gobbler.

that was sure nice of you to do, V!”

“That was a very nice thing to do!
I agree--refusing the gift is not the thing to do--as a matter of pride to older people...

Send her a thank-you note. Definitely let her know that next time, you would just like a homemade goody... :-) And I love the idea of planting some flower "surprises" for the spring! :-)”

“Good show V. Thank her and invest the gift card in some landscaping tool to make a job easier the next time you lend a hand.”

“Cut the difference between Catshiker and Ewker.


Its bulb planting time anyway.


Get some bulbs for yourself. Plant them in your yard.


leave some left overs.



Say to her. Hey, thanks a bunch for the home Depot cert. My wife has wanted some bulbs in the front yard for years so that's what I did with it.


I have a dozen left over, would you like me to fill the spot where the shrub came out with them.


WIN WIN WIN.

You win with her, you win with the wife . ..and maybe you'll get a little.”

“"Get some bulbs for yourself. Plant them in your yard. leave some left overs
Say to her. Hey, thanks a bunch for the home Depot cert. My wife has wanted some bulbs in the front yard for years so that's what I did with it.I have a dozen left over, would you like me to fill the spot where the shrub came out with them.WIN WIN WIN."

I think Lee has the best of both worlds here. Pride and paying their own way is very important for older folks.
When you accept her gift you give her dignity.”

“bacpac... I would call 911 and NOT get this person in my car. NO thanks. I might wait nearby while someone from 911 came. If she does not want the POLICE. Well... she asked for your help ... and that is what you have to offer. my 2 cents.”

“Yep, and after all, that $50 is prolly only a week's worth of meals for her vio. Off to the track with it ;o)

Seriously though, you're right to accept it. Maybe buy something for the kids' treehouse and tell her that's what you spent it on. She'll prolly be pleased if you spent it on them.”

“Reminds me of something that happened in my childhood. My mom was driving us home after visiting her workplace late one night. We were stopped by a man in the middle of the road who was bleeding copiously from the head. He had obviously been attacked. My mom could tell he needed help, but when he saw the car with a woman and three kids alone, he just went to the car behind us.”

“Violin

OR:


See if you can get cash in change for a small Home depot purchase.

Take the one dollar bills to the local strip club.

Have a couple of beers and dances.


Tell the old lady.


That should cure any future invovlment.
last edited: 11/09/05 10:36:49 AM”

“I think violink should thank her for the gift and ask her if there is anything else she needs done and not hesitate to call. The old lady may have been investing in future help around the house.”

“Use it and build Sarge a Coffin”

“Ya gotta keep it Violin. Although I do like Ewker's idea.”

“The card is not recognizing her pride in the first place and saying "nothing" when she wanted to do something in return.
If you had asked for cookies, that is what you would have got.

Now I agree, you are stuck with the card, and have to make another decision. Are you prepared to help her in future ?
If no, the bulbs idea is excellent, burn the $50.
If yes, then hold the card and use it to buy washers when her faucets leak, caulk when the windows leak, touch up paint and brushes etc., and this time make sure to ask for cookies when you do the next favor.

and yes! helping is what neighbors do, good on you V.”

“I think you have to keep it. It's important for her. Several folks have speculated she might be wanting more help in the future. If you're willing to help then a good way to get her to keep asking without feeling like she has to pay is to come up with a way to barter. My neighbor and I mow each others lawns for example. One week he does his and mine, next week I do both. That won't work here, but a yard work for brownie exchange might be good. A yard work for story time with your daughters might be fun for the kids and beneficial to her. A troll as creative as you can probably come up with some doozies for bartering.”

“it's nice to be neighborly...you never know when you might be in a position of need and pride does take a hard hit when you've got to ask favors without an agreeable trade.

My neighbor who shares the other half of my twin house, had an emergency a while ago when her friend passed out in her house...
The neighbor is hearing impaired and knows I'm a medic. I woke up out of a sound sleep to her banging down my door and shrieking! I took care of her unconscious friend and got things moving with 9-1-1, plus mediated the conversation en route to the hosp because I can do the sign language bit with her.

I have yet to mow my front lawn this whole YEAR, as it is already done before I even get home from my crazy work hours.

It is nice to have neighbors looking out for one another.
:)”

“LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Community leaders Friday called for peace in the city if convicted killer and Crips gang co-founder Stanley Tookie Williams is put to death next week as scheduled.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger heard arguments Thursday from Williams' lawyers seeking to spare his life but hasn't said if he will grant clemency to the death row inmate condemned for the 1979 killing of four people.

Schwarzenegger said Friday he expects to announce his decision "soon."

Williams' supporters, from political leaders to the rapper Snoop Dogg, say Williams has turned his life around and become a positive influence in fighting gang violence through his writing. To execute him now, they say, would take away one of the most effective voices urging young people to steer clear of gangs.

Williams, 51, is scheduled to die at 12:01 a.m. Tuesday by lethal injection at San Quentin State Prison.

On Friday, four City Council members urged religious leaders to open their churches to those upset by the case.

Though community opinions about Williams vary, even a small group could provoke widespread civil unrest, said Councilman Bernard Parks, a former police chief. Parks alluded to the 1992 Los Angeles riots that followed the acquittal of white police officers in the beating of black motorist Rodney King.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/12/10/tookie.clemency/index.html


Is he a role model? Would you grant clemency to prevent riots in which more people could be killed?”

“I'm not sure. Commuting his sententce to life without parole isn't such an extreme step. What bothers me is that he says he is innocent of all the murders and plans on trying to get the convictions overturned. I'd feel better about commuting the death sentence if he had admitted guilt and I knew he wouldn't get out on a technicality some day. If I had to decide right now, I'd say commute the sentence - but if I really had the power I'd need to do a lot more research and meet the man face to face, and probably meet family of the victims face to face, before making a decision.”

“Here is a good example why one's death sentance should be carried out more promptly. (not that I am an advocate for it necessarily).

Now are we putting to death that horrible man that did all those bad things or are will killing a good person??

Regardless, I say hang'um high for what he did. Why should we have to continue to pay his rent for the social injustices he committed?
last edited: 12/10/05 5:26:55 PM”

“http://www.jewishworldreview.com/michelle/malkin112200.asp

[snip]

Williams was convicted of murdering four innocent bystanders with a sawed-off shotgun in 1979. There was nothing peaceful or compassionate about the way Alvin Owen, Thsai-Shai Yang, Yen-I Yang and Yee Chen Lin died. Owen was a white teen-age clerk at a 7-11 convenience store, shot twice in the back of the head -- execution-style -- as he lay unarmed on the floor during a hold-up. A witness testified that Williams mocked the gurgling sounds Owen made as he lay dying. "You should have heard the way he sounded when I shot him," the witness quoted Williams.

The Yangs were Taiwanese immigrants who, along with their daughter Yee Chen Lin, were gunned down during a motel robbery two weeks after Owen died. Half of the daughter's face was blown off by the shotgun blasts, former L.A. County Deputy District Attorney Robert Martin told me in an interview this week. Williams called them "Buddhaheads," Martin recounted, and robbed them of petty cash.

Williams has yet to apologize to the victims' families. When the trial ended, Martin told me, Williams muttered to the prosecution team, "I'll get every one of you m-----f-----s."

Spoken like a Nobel laureate.”

“....but, but, but, he's Black, and wrote all those great Childern's books!

You all are just a bunch of racists if you want this poor victim of his poor upbringing to die!

*channeling USA/violin*”

“I think I'll make some French fries in my Fry Baby deep fryer.”

“"Why should we have to continue to pay his rent for the social injustices he committed?"

What will be more cost effective? Continue paying his prison costs, or pay for riots and more kids turning into gang members who will populate the prisons?”

“i cant imagine who would riot over the death of this wasted twist of flesh”

“by far killing him would be more cost effective...hands down.

"we" don't pay for riots they are caused by ignorance, not money. Children are going to continue to join gangs regardless of whether he lives or dies. If saving him would put a halt to gangs I would be all for it but the fact is it won't! In fact the longer he lives the longer he provides gangs with a cause. Kill him nowe and his name will be forgotten soon enough.

The concern for the children is however a very noble one...perhaps we should take the money we save by killing him and fund social programs that can help the children at risk.”

“

"Would you grant clemency to prevent riots in which more people could be killed?"
Troll

Ask his victims.
OK, then ask their families.
last edited: 12/11/05 11:57:24 AM”

“Sorry, granting clemency to prevent rioting is to give in to mob mentality and doesn't serve anyone. When would that practice stop? How many more times would we reverse law or overturn sentencing to prevent rioting? Sorry, that's not how it works. The rule of law is such that he will be executed and any rioters will be arrested.”

“This piece of crap excuse for a human being should have fried a long time ago.

1. He is one of the primary founders of the gangs in Los Angeles, there may not have been years & years of gang warfare, riots, murders & countless lives ruined if it wasn't for him. He puklled the trigger on the 4 people directly himself, but how many other lost lives did he indirectly contribute to by his gang activity?

2. What kind of message do you want to send to those youth that theoretically look up to him... that it's OK to blow away a few people if you want to, because if you then try do something positive that all is forgiven?

3. It costs us (Californians) a TON of cash to keep this worthless pice of #&%!$ alive, if you really want to do some good for the youth then take that $$ you'll save & spend it on an innner-city development program.

4. If you say he can have his sentance commuted, are you a racist for saying it's OK to kill Asians, you won't fry for that? What if he had been someone who killed a bunch of blacks... there would be riots in the street if he WASN'T executed.

5. The law is the law, if you don't like it, then lobby your elected officials to change it, but just because a handful of Hollywood actors & assorted rabble-rousers want this killer to go free is no reason to not apply it justly.”

“I don't believe in State sponsored murder.”

“yeah, show him and others that killing people is wrong!”