my dad got whooped by a goat.

“I wish I could make this sheeyat up.

My dad fancies himself a farmer. He lives in suburban Tx. For some reason he likes goats, I get emails praisingt their virtues as work stock and a food and milk source. Did I mention he lives in the suburbs?

His good friend owns a goat farm, my dad owns 20 or so animals there. My dad turned his yard into a "farm".He owns 3 goats (the biggest wether is 125-150lbs on the hoof) rabbits, chickens and a sheep. Did I mention he lives in the suburbs?

I call him last tuesday, he explains that his goat "rambo" is to be butchered thursday. He also mentions that 1) Rambo is aggressive 2) Rambo doesnt like to be touched 3) Rambo intimidates my dad. I ask how he will kill the goat. He replies "slit his throat". I ask why? His response : so the meat will be Halal, I remind him that he is Methodist not Muslim and he doesnt need to be Halal. He is adamant. Whatever.

He somehow gets a collar on Rambo, lures the goat into a corner of the yard (in the suburbs) pins him against the fince and tries to slit its throat. Obviously the goat wants no part of my dads redneck Halal shenanagins. He gets pissed, really pissed and starts to fighht back. Rambo is a big male, with 9" horns he kicks, snarls and swings his horns knocking my dad arse over teakettle onto his back. This is bad for two reasons 1) my dad is nearly 400lbs 2) he has essentially one giant vertebrae (they are all fused due to a health condition.

He sees " a bright white light" and hears some crunching sounds. The xrays will reveal later that he is unharmed (though I submit his ego didnt show up on the xray).

Anyway, my dads friend came by and they Halaled the heck outta rambo and a sheep. He seems happy and his beighbors got some goat and mutton.

I really wish I made this up.”

“hope he sent you some goat meat..yum bar-b-cued goat”

“Birch that's a hellova story. I just returned from the Mt Rogers adventure yesterday afternoon to find that my Husky got over the fence and was in the process of killing one of my goats when my 15 year old daughter heard what was going on and saved the day. This kinda stuff only happens when I am away! I hope your dad enjoys the meat!”

“LMAO!

Birch, that reminds me of two stories: a guy I worked with a long time ago was notorious for his wildly unbelievable tales. Another co-worker always said, 'those stories have to be true because no one could make up $hit like that.'

My dad raised pigs a few times when I was a kid. He would dispatch them with a .22 short to the cranium. One year, after capping the first two pigs, he tried to take out the third little pig---who had just watched in horror as the first two got whacked---but the pig wanted nothing to do with it and kept turning his arse to face my dad whenever he tried to walk around and face the pig.”

“When I was 4 a goat knocked my sorry little ass into an electric fence. It would not let me off the fence, and I was getting the crap shocked out of me. Each voltage pulse of the fence was stronger than the last. My little body was all spasms, and the goat continued to ram me with his horns. Luckly after a few minutes of this my older sister came along and shut the fence off. She then scared the goat away.

Encourage your dad to Halal as many goats as he can. It will be for the good of all man kind.

As for the goat that got my number. Several months later my dog Jock got "loose" and ripped that goat to pieces. I don't know how he ever got into that goat pen. Must have been all part of the grand scheme put into place by the Flying Spagetti Monster.”

“Chalk one up for "THE GOAT"”

“notes to self...
... never camp with ewker.
... don't camp in spam's yard.
... electric fences are great traps.”

“OMG that is hilarious!”

“Reminds me of a co-worker who earned half the meat of an emu herd for killing and butchering the herd. The emu rancher was going out of business. Think machette, beer, giant birds and under estimating.”

“"I remind him that he is Methodist not Muslim and he doesnt need to be Halal"

That's a great quote.

I just keep giggling at the whole story.”

“LMAO!!!!!
Poor goat. Poor Dad!”

“Does your dad answer the phone with "Salam alecham"?”

““"I remind him that he is Methodist not Muslim and he doesnt need to be Halal"



I'm with dayhiker, I thought that line was freaking hilarious!”

“I can just see his dad yelling at the goat now, "Infidel! I declare jihad on you!".”

“You should but your dad the Koran for Christmas.”

“me too, what a story.

Did you tell you dad you shared his misadventure with a few hundred of your closest internet friends scattered throughout all the US time zones?”

“I guess it was better a goat than, like, a chicken or something....”

“This is the second goat story I've heard this month, and both ended the same way.
lol”

“How's that, lz, with a goat on the barbie?”

“Did you tell you dad you shared his misadventure with a few hundred of your closest internet friends scattered throughout all the US time zones?”
Roam Around
8:14:08 AM

I would say a few thousand.
I think at least ten lurkers for every poster on TT.
Many, many, people read but don't post.”

“Chickens!”

““How's that, lz, with a goat on the barbie?”
bitpusher
9:22:05 AM
11/15/05
ignore this user

Yup, although the first story I heard involved a 2x4, a rifle, and a trip to the butcher.”

“I had a buddy in high school who's family raised goats. One cold winter he had a goat die and freeze over night. He was stiff as a board and he couldn't get it out the door by himself so he took a ball bat and broke it's legs off. LOL!

This is also the same guy who'd put a football helmet on and go out butting heads with the billies for fun.”

“Nigal, you didn't happen to grow up in eastern NY by chance? That sounds an awful lot like on of my distance relatives.”

“Whooped by a goat???

That's better than the guy in England who was buggered by a Staffordshire Bull Terrier.

(What would sacco think??)”

“Birch neglected to tell you guys that his dad has stretched Rambo's hide and is tanning it.

I'd like to take a moment to describe his yard.... it has an above ground swimming pool and is about 80x60.

We go to visit just after Christmas. Grampa is training a goat to pull our four year old around in a cart. I'm not sure how I feel about this.”

“Hey, if you're not going to make it into goat rinds, you gotta do something with it...”

“Great add there Sass. The hits just keep on coming with this tale. I imagine this story would best be heard around a campfire with birch and Nigal and a pint of good bourbon.”

“Y'all can make a hat for Buddha Bear with the hide.”

““Nigal, you didn't happen to grow up in eastern NY by chance? That sounds an awful lot like on of my distance relatives.”

No, Ohio born and (in)bred.”

““Y'all can make a hat for Buddha Bear with the hide.”

No, a visor.”

“I can picture Jay with a goat hide visor with little buckeyes dangling from the back.”

“Great story Birch.


I needd a laugh this morning!”

“OMG that was funny.”

“My father has a fused spine too.

When he moved to the suburbs, I had to convince him not to shoot squirrels from the window. He figured it was OK since he was shooting down from the 2nd story and the bullets wouldn't leave the yard.

It must be something with the spine.”

“Goats in the back yard? Yep that Texas alright. Does he live in San Antonio?that's big goat country.”

“LOLOL!

Glad your Dad is OK. I bet a lot of people wish they could have the tanned hide of the guy that whooped 'em. There's some consolation in that. I trust Rambo was good eatin'.”

“Mmmm, goat curry sounds yummy.”

“Ped, Gramps is probably saving Rambo esp for our visit. We'll most likely be eating him three meals a day, lol.”

“Is there a TT repository for funniest f'n stories from TT? This is up there with the adventures of Chip and Radagast.

Birch, that is hysterical, you certainly have a way with words (and a goofy dad, to boot!)”

“

(What would sacco think??)”
MarkO
9:50:05 AM
11/15/05


sacco thinks pygmy goats are some of the cutest lit'l buggers ever.

and goats are mmmm mmmm goood.”

“Ha!!

Just don't ya be buggerin' the little cuties!!

sacco, I was refering to the story a while ago about the Englishman gettin' it on with a Staffordshire Bull Terrier.”

“Uh...........beside the motorway, he was.”

“sacco has no comment on pitbull buggery.”

“Thanks”

“there's a dude on a different forum that has two goats as pets and backpacking companions.
i think that's cool as hell and am looking forward to hiking with them.”

“This story proves my assertion that parents exist to embarrass their kids. I should print it out and save for when my kids are older.”

“Bit, tell your kids (no pun intended) to be thankful you don't own any goats.”

“where is moonglo/moonbat when we need him/her???

Poor goat. lol”