Brand New Spankin' Joke Swappin' Thread

“Rachel had called up her friend for their daily gossip. "Helen, you will not believe what my husband did last night. He's normally such a wuss but when he found out that I had dinged the door of his convertible and he completely lost control. He did things he's never done before. He threw me over his lap, lifted up my skirt and spanked me 'til I cried."

"He didn't!" Helen said, horrified.

"Oh, yes! Then when found out that the dent on his fender was when I hit it with a shopping cart, he held me down and hit me with a bathbrush until my butt was covered with bruises. Then he ravished me right there on the living room floor."

"Goodness!"

"Next he found out I had left the emergency brake on when I sneaked the car to the repair shop. That really did a lot of damage, apparently. He tied me to the bed and whipped me with a switch he cut from our willow out back until I was begging for mercy, then forced me to have sex three more times before I collapsed. I only woke up a half hour ago."

"Rachel, that's awful! What are you going to do now?"

"Well, I've thrown a rock through his windshield but I'm waiting until the weekend to slash his tires."”

“LOL Hobbit!

A pirate walks into a bar with a boats steering wheel hanging from his belt. The barkeep says "sir, there is a steering wheel on your belt". The pirate replies "Arrr, and its driving me nuts".
last edited: 11/20/05 1:03:27 PM”

“And that had what to do with spanking?”

“A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:

"Da-ad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..."

"WHAT??!!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”

“A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband,

"Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin."



"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be."

"Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me."

"Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up."

"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver."

"Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method."

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not."

"Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it."

"Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it."

"Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look."

"Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was............ Oh how I miss him!".........

"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"

"Wonderful," said the husband, "but, why?"

"You're with the Government........This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!”

“This isn't a verbal joke so to say but it is funny as sh*t!

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/endofworld.html

Caution: Contains some foul language.”

“Seen this one! Very funny!”

“I saw that on amishdonkey too. Always good for a laugh.”