Comes with what turf?

“People always tell me, "It comes with the turf!"

How come I never get the turf? Where is all that turf? Has somebody started a turf farm with my turf? I get the crap that comes with the turf and they get rich selling turf? What kind of deal is that? Who has my turf???”

“turf you”

“Hey turf luck buddy!”

“Holy crap! Is that whose turf this is? Sorry, it was just lying there and it didn't look like anyone was using it.”

“Man, I just hope Bush doesn't get ahold of some turf. He'd have us in a turf war lickitty split!”