FREAK SHOW, A trip report

“WOW!

I am a big fan of the show survivor, there were auditions for an up coming season so i figured why not...

I want to preface my comments. I do not normally think I am better than most folks, wether its looks, charm, intellect ,abilities, sense of humor etc. Until tonite.

I get there, I brought a book and settle in for few hrs of reading. I figured I'd figure out what to say when I get my 3 minutes on film. I chat with some folks sitting by me. They all are getting along splendid. My ears perk up when I hear the trem "professional auditioner". As I listen I hear a multitude of theories as to what "they" are looking for. One fella (who by the way was wearing what looked to be a black muscle shirt, except that instead of having no sleeves the sleeves were...MESH) showed us what he thought they wanted, a rap. Yessir a good old fashioned ghetto cruising rap. My jaw nearly hit the floor. Then gal next to him chimed in about getting there at 3 (the auditions were from 3-7pm). I realized she met AM. So I asked her "you mean 3am right?" She proudly said "yes!". I asked why? She said to be first. I replied that "sure you'll be first but #1 you were hear 12 hrs early and #2 your number is of no consequence, we all eventually get our video tape done". She said " I know, its my deal to show em how motivated I am for the show (stalker), its my 6th time doing so"

Next was (I swear) Tom Hanks from the days of the old sitcom Bosom Buddies at least for looks. he sounded more like Forrest Gump, but stupid. He was bitter. He actually started an argument about which reality show has the best prizes. This spiraled down into an agrument about the Million dollar prize and wether it was lump sum or an annuity. One person actually argued ' no they get the big check", a response I heard was " sure but we never get to see the amount on the check". At this point I was ready to vote myself to the bar. I then saw a guy lamenting that Clarence (from survivor africa) didnt have shirts to give out. Another guy (applicant mind you) says, you want survivor stuff? He then opens a backpack and starts pulling out color COPIES of autographed survivor pics done in a montage. The recipient was SUPER excited. I geuss that fact that its a copy doesnt matter to him.

So then its my turn (after 2 hrs). I tell the camera basically what I told you all now and that I am by no means that committed or motivated and thats cool with me. I am just an average dude with a wife and kid.

Afterwords the camera man and I got great laugh about the rapper. I aske dhim if he and the other workers hit the bar later, he said yes and that they make fun of us all. He said his job is the best reality show ever!

Too fun!”

“So, of course, you're in, right?”

“no idea.”

“That's hilarious. You might get the regular Joe vote, Joe.”

“birch is a regular guy with common sense and excellent survival skills. they hate that. what do they think this is, a show about surviving?”

“lmao @ Crash! =)”

“It almost sounds like the likely "winners" that would get on the show are also the likely "winners" from a jury pool. You're too normal birch.”

“I told Joe that we TTers would step up and take care of Sass and the little one if he gets chosen. We could have a bake sale or something . LOL!”

“Its not a direct quote. Bob of The Bob and Tom show complaining about reality shows said he saw on Survivor they were sent off to carve a statue of a god. This is Survivor man why don't they carve a canoe.”

“"This is Survivor man "

actually, Survivorman is a different show, on the national geographic channel i believe”

“I'd rather carve a turkey....”

“OK, now where are the American Idol contestants????!?

Good luck to ya, Birch. If nothin' else, the audition story you'll have forever was worth the time spent. Thanks! lol”

“I would audition but I don't need affirmation that I'm better than everyone.”

“LOL Bearmagnet!”

“I have decided that they will accept no one who knows how to make fire..I can't believe that after all these shows they've NEVER found one person who could do this...the survivor ascpect is surviving each other more than the wilderness...by the way, I've never missed one show....LOL....good luck, birch...
last edited: 1/15/06 12:19:41 PM”

“when do you find out?”

“That's quite a tale, birch, lol! Hope at the very least they provide you with a tape of all the auditions. Good luck!!”

“DUDE! It would be so cool if you were chosen! But, maybe you're just not "good enough" to get on. Keeping my fingers crossed that you do, though!”

“I tried out for Jeopardy once. I crashed and burned. Felt really stupid.

Good luck getting on the show!”